The months leading up to the 2016 presidential conventions in July were rife with violence. The first 3 months of the year showed significant increases in the homicide rate in six major cities across the U.S.: including Chicago; Dallas; Jacksonville,Florida; Las Vegas; Los Angeles and Memphis (1).
In early July, Alton Sterling of Baton Rouge, LA became the 135th black person killed by police in 2016 (2). Black Lives Matter organized to challenge this violence against them. On July 7th a Dallas sniper gunned police officers, killing 5 of them and sending screaming crowds scrambling for cover. The following week a gunman ambushed and killed three law officers in Baton Rouge, wounding three others.
GUN CONTROL OR PRISON?
The political parties took differing positions in regard to the tragic escalation of violence. President Obama, Hillary Clinton and the Democratic party platform called for increased gun control legislation. The Republican candidate, Donald Trump, called for law and order and an increase in prison sentences for law breakers.
ENOUGH BLAME TO GO AROUND
However, these are stop gap measures. They are not solutions but scapegoat measures that place the blame for violence on the perpetrators of crimes that have grown out of anger and fear, while pretending that the rest of us hold no blame.
Behaviors do not occur in a vacuum. Behaviors grow from the images that have formed in the mind about what behaviors are expected, what behaviors are legally accepted and what behaviors are appropriate.
Sadly, the moral foundation upon which our country was founded is under attack and disappearing.
IN GOD WE TRUST
Our first president, George Washington, said, "True religion offers to government its surest support." Religion in general and Christianity in particular have provided a moral foundation for American life.
The last act of Congress signed by President Lincoln required that IN GOD WE TRUST be inscribed upon our national coins.
In 1949, President Truman states, "When the U.S. was established...the motto was IN GOD WE TRUST. That is still our motto and we still place our firm trust in God."
In 1961, John F. Kennedy stated, "The guiding principle of this nation has been, is now, and ever shall be IN GOD WE TRUST." (3)
FAITH UNDER ATTACK
In 1962 and 1963, three decisions by the Supreme Court of the U.S. decreed that school sponsored prayer and Bible reading were unconstitutional. Engel v. Vitale in 1962 decreed that a prayer approved by the New York Board of Regents for use in schools violated the First Amendment because it represented the establishment of religion. (4).
Following these decisions, discussions of religious ideas and values were censored within the schools. Children who talked of God or religious values were silenced and told that school was not a place for these discussions.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS UNDER ATTACK
Throughout the history of our country the Ten Commandments have been upheld as moral expectations handed down to humankind from God through the prophet Moses some 3,500 years ago. The first four commandments require honor and respect for God, and the fifth commandment requires honor for parents. The remaining five commandments outline behaviors that lead to social harmony. These include the commandments to not murder, commit adultery, steal, bear a false witness, or covet what belongs to another.
These commandments have been held in reverence by the Jewish, Christian and Muslim faiths throughout their history. Respect for the commandments provided a moral foundation for appropriate social behaviors. Children were taught early to learn and respect them.
When some parents challenged a Kentucky state law that required the posting of the commandments in each public school classroom, the decision went to the Supreme Court. On Nov. 17, 1980, by a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court ruled in Stone v. Graham that the law was unconstitutional.
Many court buildings contained plagues or monuments outlining the Ten Commandments, including even some in the Supreme Court building. In June of 2005, the Supreme Court by a 5-4 decision ruled that the Ten Commandments could not be displayed in court buildings or on government property. Children watched as the media dramatically covered the controversial removal of these monuments.
ASSAULTS ON THE SANCTITY OF SEXUALITY
Moral codes relating to sexuality have been the concern of religious leaders and civil philosophers throughout history.
Traditional sexual values supported 'Love and Marriage', protecting sexual behaviors for the formation of a 'death do us part' family for enduring nurture, support and child rearing.
In 1926, Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, challenged the moral codes when she formed the American Birth Control League. Her interest was promoting free love, sexual freedom and birth control (5).
When the birth control pill was introduced in the early 1960's, women were challenged to enter into casual sexual relationships. By 1997, 418 public schools were making condoms available to students (6).
Pornography, considered the seedy business of underground markets, brought sex into the living rooms of America when Hugh Hefner, influenced by the sexual research of Alfred Kinsey, published Playboy magazine in 1953. Pornography is addictive and can lead to desires that escalate. Sex became an almost expected behavior of casual relationships. Rape, serial killings and sexual trafficking became prevalent.
In 2003, the U.S. Supreme Court invalidated sodomy laws as a criminal offense in Lawrence v. Texas, making same sex activity legal. By 2012 the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that 636,000 people had died from HIV/AIDS, a disease primarily transferred by men having sex with men.
ASSAULTS ON THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
In 1970 no-fault divorce was introduced in California and soon became the norm. The 'death do us part' expectations of family were challenged. Divorce escalated and each year over a million children experienced the divorce of their family, many responded to the breakup of their family with shock, fear and grieving.
In 1973 the U.S. Supreme Court passed Roe v. Wade, making the taking of a child's life in the womb a legal 'right' for women. The CDC reports that since 1973, close to 60 million babies have been aborted in the United States.
Television producers discovered that graphic images of sex and violence increased their ratings and profits as they brought in more advertisers. In response to complaints, the family hour established by the Federal Communication Commission in 1975 mandated that the hours before 9:00 PM should be shows appropriate for all ages. In 1976, a U.S. District Court ruled that the family viewing policy violated the first amendment of the Constitution. Sex and violence soon filled all hours of television viewing.
A Kaiser Family Foundation study reported that in 2009 young people spent about 4 and a half hours a day watching television (7).
Following the tragic school shooting at Newtown in 2012, Parents Television Council analyzed every program that aired on prime-time television for a one-month period. Of the 392 shows examined, 193 contained violence and 121 contained violence and guns (8).
In 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court passed Obergefell v Hodges by a vote of 5-4, giving same sex couples the fundamental right to marry, although over 30 states had denied this right with a state constitutional amendment by popular vote.
CONSEQUENCES OF THE ASSAULTS ON OUR SEXUALITY AND FAMILIES
Instability in family relationships became prevalent in the lives of many children.
Many no longer saw marriage as a necessary or permanent commitment for living together. Cohabitation increased By 2011, 24% of children in the U.S. were born to cohabiting couples (9). and 44% of children were living in mother-only families (10).
In large numbers we have bought into the conviction that children do not need both their mother and their father to develop in a healthy, responsible and productive direction. However, family scholars and researchers provide ample documentation of problems and concerns.
Family researcher, William Galston, notes that, "The absence of fathers as models and co-disciplinarians contributes to the low self-esteem, anger, violence, and peer bonding through gang lawlessness characteristic of many fatherless boys." (11).
By 2014, children from fatherless homes included 63% of youth suicides, 90% of homeless and runaway children, 80% of rapists with anger problems, 71% of high school dropouts and 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers (12).
After divorce, women were primarily responsible for children of the marriage and were at greater risk of poverty. Single parenting became the foremost reason leading to poverty.
In March of 2008 researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention announced that 1 in 4 teen girls had at least one sexually transmitted disease, sometimes leading to infertility and cancer.
RESTORING STABLE SEXUAL AND FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Personal pleasure and individual 'rights' have replaced traditional family values. With the increase in casual sexuality and the decline in stable marriages, many children are failing to learn the processes necessary for responsible social interaction and family functioning.
When God and cherished historic moral values are held in social disrespect, children are at a loss in knowing how to make responsible decisions.
More gun control and prisons will not solve the violence that is overrunning our country.
It is time to restore a responsible moral foundation for our children.
THERE IS BLAME ENOUGH TO GO AROUND!
---------------------------------------------------------------
REFERENCES
1. Blau, Eric Licht and Monica Davey. "Homicide Rates Jump in Many Major U.S. Cities, New Data Shows." May 13, 2016. The New York Times.
2. Craven, Julia Huffington Post. Jul 07, 2016.
3. Federer, Susie. 2012. Miracles in American History. Amerisearch, Inc. St. Louis, MO:pgs.101-105
4. Starr, Penny. "Education Expert: Removing Bible, Prayer from Public Schools Has Caused Decline." Aug. 15, 2014. www.cnsnews.com/news/article/penny-starr/education-expert-removing-bible-prayer-public-schools-has-caused-decline.
5. Marshall, Robert G. And Chuck A. Donovan. "How Planned Parenthood duped America." Citizen. Vol. 6, No. 1 (Jan 20) 1992. Pg. 4.
6. Advocates for Youth. 1997. Unpublished data from the School Condom Availability Clearinghouse. Washington DC.
7. Media Violence: An Examination of Violence, Graphic Violence, and Gun Violence in the Media. Parents Television Council. 2013.
8. New PTC Study Shows More Than Half of Network Programs Contain Violence. Parents Television Council. Vol. 15, No. 2, April 2013.
9. Institute for American Values. 2011. Why Marriage Matters, Third Edition: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York, NY. Pgs.6-8.
10. Statistics on Father Absence/National Fatherhood Initiative. 2014. "The Father Factor."
11. Galston, William A. 1996 "The Reinstitutionalization of Marriage: Political Theory and Public Policy." In Promises to Keep. Editied by David Popenoe, Jean Bethke Elsthtain, and David Blankenhorn. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Pub. Pg. 273.
12. Statistics on Father Absence/National Fatherhood Initiative. 2014. "The Father Factor".
The Fatherless Generation. 2014. Statistics.http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics.
Monday, August 8, 2016
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Discrimination is the foundation of wisdom and freedom
Discrimination as Hate?
Discrimination as a hate word is being used to intimidate and culturally bully people whose best judgment concludes that marriage should not be changed to include people of the same sex.
This is unfortunate. Wisdom and freedom throughout the ages have lifted up the ability to discriminate as a foundation for making wise choices about what behaviors are best suited for personal and social well-being.
Totalitarian societies deny citizens the right to reason and decide. Decisions about appropriate behavior are made by an elite few. However, in a free society, people as unique individuals are expected to use their best understanding and experience to establish laws supporting behaviors in the best interest of social well-being.
Our patriotic statement that all are created equal is a 'faith' statement based on the spiritual worth of each soul. It does not follow that all ideas or behaviors are created equally. Behaviors must be evaluated by their consequences.
Within the last 20 years a minority group of liberal elites have sought to override definitions of marriage that protect heterosexual family forms. Heterosexual families have been protected through centuries of civilizations and in virtually all societies. Raising of children throughout history has been seen as being best protected by a heterosexual marriage. Social science research has strongly documented that a married mother and father provide the best social and physical support for raising their children. 1.
In June of 2015, five members of the U.S. Supreme Court, in Obergefell V. Hodges, declared that the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples. Same sex marriage became legal throughout the United States, even though at least 30 states had ruled this illegal by a vote of the people. Personal decisions and personal pleasure were put above the larger social well-being and the best interest of the children.
We are now being bullied into accepting that the behaviors and opinions of a minority must be considered as equal to values and behaviors that have been cherished and protected by the majority throughout the ages.
Discriminating debate that considers behavioral and social consequences are the best way to ensure well-being for the greater good and the protection and support of all citizens. Discrimination is the foundation of wisdom and freedom.
Reference:
1 Wilcox, W. Bradford, et at.. Institute for American Values. 2005. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-six Conclusions from the Social Sciences.
Discrimination as a hate word is being used to intimidate and culturally bully people whose best judgment concludes that marriage should not be changed to include people of the same sex.
This is unfortunate. Wisdom and freedom throughout the ages have lifted up the ability to discriminate as a foundation for making wise choices about what behaviors are best suited for personal and social well-being.
Totalitarian societies deny citizens the right to reason and decide. Decisions about appropriate behavior are made by an elite few. However, in a free society, people as unique individuals are expected to use their best understanding and experience to establish laws supporting behaviors in the best interest of social well-being.
Our patriotic statement that all are created equal is a 'faith' statement based on the spiritual worth of each soul. It does not follow that all ideas or behaviors are created equally. Behaviors must be evaluated by their consequences.
Within the last 20 years a minority group of liberal elites have sought to override definitions of marriage that protect heterosexual family forms. Heterosexual families have been protected through centuries of civilizations and in virtually all societies. Raising of children throughout history has been seen as being best protected by a heterosexual marriage. Social science research has strongly documented that a married mother and father provide the best social and physical support for raising their children. 1.
In June of 2015, five members of the U.S. Supreme Court, in Obergefell V. Hodges, declared that the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples. Same sex marriage became legal throughout the United States, even though at least 30 states had ruled this illegal by a vote of the people. Personal decisions and personal pleasure were put above the larger social well-being and the best interest of the children.
We are now being bullied into accepting that the behaviors and opinions of a minority must be considered as equal to values and behaviors that have been cherished and protected by the majority throughout the ages.
Discriminating debate that considers behavioral and social consequences are the best way to ensure well-being for the greater good and the protection and support of all citizens. Discrimination is the foundation of wisdom and freedom.
Reference:
1 Wilcox, W. Bradford, et at.. Institute for American Values. 2005. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-six Conclusions from the Social Sciences.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Reflections From My Mother
A Mother's Day Tribute
Although my mother, Elizabeth, passed away in 1999, she left behind books of poems and thoughts that she had written down through the years. To honor her on this Mother's Day I will share some of her thoughtful poems.
Since we have had some torrential rains here in Texas recently, I will start with Mom's poem on this subject.
Rain
Quietly the raindrops fall,
They whisper soft and low,
Join forces on the sunbaked earth,
Make rivulets below.
Thunder moans o'er distant hill,
Tired dying plea,
Fret not, my love, the cleansing balm
Refreshes thee and me.
Brightness floods the morning sky,
See radiant moisture smile,
Come, explore for hidden jewels,
Let dripping grass beguile.
Sing, O earth, thy thirst is quenched,
The clouds that opened wide,
Have poured their liquid vapor out,
They heard you when you cried -
"Water, water, I must drink,
My vegetation wanes,
I cannot keep myself alive,
Without the gentle rains,"
Come, tender heart, in rain and sun,
Clasp hands and walk with me,
Watch rose and grain new life embrace,
Contented we shall be.
Mom and Dad retired to the family homestead in New England at the top of a hill overlooking a peaceful pond. Mom writes of her fond memories of this lovely homestead.
New England
The seconds make the minutes,
The minutes make the hours.
The hours crowd and press me,
Work on, 'mid pelting showers.
Faint not, strong heart, nor falter,
The future brings a day,
The path you'll tread more slowly,
Scent flowers in the way.
The seconds make the minutes,
The minutes make the hours,
The hours filled with blessings,
In wooded vale and bowers.
In New England's peaceful haven,
Where roosters crow at dawn,
Anticipated pleasure
Is mine on velvet lawn.
I'll rest and watch the sunset,
Reflected in the pond,
Beyond the rugged stone fence,
My mem'ry holds so fond.
The seconds make the minutes,
The minutes make the hours,
The hours take me dreaming
Of fairy castle towers.
In addition to raising her four children, Mom was a Director of Religious Education and a social worker.
She shares her faith in her poems.
They Searched For God
They searched for God,
The men of old,
To ease their troubled minds,
They turned to classics and The Word,
The grace of God to find.
They saw corruption in the fold,
Could not condone man's greed.
They prayed, and pled, and prayed again.
God, what is mankind's need?
Why, don't you know? the Lord replied,
Man cannot live alone.
He must have me to guide his way,
And bring him safely home.
I've sent my Son,
He'll see you through.
He opened up the way,
He took man's burdens on himself,
Won resurrection day.
The men accepted God's new plan,
And learned to love the Lord.
Love is the bond that binds us close,
Fulfilling Holy Word.
The Devil Has Many Disguises
The devil has many disguises,
He enters God's sacred abode,
Taps the shoulder of many a Christian,
Follow me, on destruction's road.
He is clever and smooth in his manner,
He pretends to be helpful and kind,
In politeness he walks with God's children,
Leads astray the ones who are blind.
With subtle endeavor he wanders,
And shrewdly maneuvers his tricks,
His tongue is gracious with sweetness,
While his hand is throwing a brick.
There is only one way to combat him,
You must feel God's grace, know his peace,
Work with tender compassion, Christ's insight,
Love mankind and never cease.
Satan gnashes his teeth at God's children,
Imbued with power from above,
Courageously facing his evil,
With firmness they give him a shove--
That sends him reeling and rolling,
Away with his lying to men,
But vigilance constant is needed,
Or that devil will walk here again.
Prayer
I thank Thee, God, that through the years,
Amid the fervor of men's greed,
With steadfast burning zeal have come
Impassioned souls to meet their need.
Prolong Thy vision with our lives,
Mold Thou our hearts and mind,
Until we too, like those of old
True consecration find.
Thanks, Mom, for all the truths you shared through the years and for the written records you left behind for our well-being.
Although my mother, Elizabeth, passed away in 1999, she left behind books of poems and thoughts that she had written down through the years. To honor her on this Mother's Day I will share some of her thoughtful poems.
Since we have had some torrential rains here in Texas recently, I will start with Mom's poem on this subject.
Rain
Quietly the raindrops fall,
They whisper soft and low,
Join forces on the sunbaked earth,
Make rivulets below.
Thunder moans o'er distant hill,
Tired dying plea,
Fret not, my love, the cleansing balm
Refreshes thee and me.
Brightness floods the morning sky,
See radiant moisture smile,
Come, explore for hidden jewels,
Let dripping grass beguile.
Sing, O earth, thy thirst is quenched,
The clouds that opened wide,
Have poured their liquid vapor out,
They heard you when you cried -
"Water, water, I must drink,
My vegetation wanes,
I cannot keep myself alive,
Without the gentle rains,"
Come, tender heart, in rain and sun,
Clasp hands and walk with me,
Watch rose and grain new life embrace,
Contented we shall be.
Mom and Dad retired to the family homestead in New England at the top of a hill overlooking a peaceful pond. Mom writes of her fond memories of this lovely homestead.
New England
The seconds make the minutes,
The minutes make the hours.
The hours crowd and press me,
Work on, 'mid pelting showers.
Faint not, strong heart, nor falter,
The future brings a day,
The path you'll tread more slowly,
Scent flowers in the way.
The seconds make the minutes,
The minutes make the hours,
The hours filled with blessings,
In wooded vale and bowers.
In New England's peaceful haven,
Where roosters crow at dawn,
Anticipated pleasure
Is mine on velvet lawn.
I'll rest and watch the sunset,
Reflected in the pond,
Beyond the rugged stone fence,
My mem'ry holds so fond.
The seconds make the minutes,
The minutes make the hours,
The hours take me dreaming
Of fairy castle towers.
In addition to raising her four children, Mom was a Director of Religious Education and a social worker.
She shares her faith in her poems.
They Searched For God
They searched for God,
The men of old,
To ease their troubled minds,
They turned to classics and The Word,
The grace of God to find.
They saw corruption in the fold,
Could not condone man's greed.
They prayed, and pled, and prayed again.
God, what is mankind's need?
Why, don't you know? the Lord replied,
Man cannot live alone.
He must have me to guide his way,
And bring him safely home.
I've sent my Son,
He'll see you through.
He opened up the way,
He took man's burdens on himself,
Won resurrection day.
The men accepted God's new plan,
And learned to love the Lord.
Love is the bond that binds us close,
Fulfilling Holy Word.
The Devil Has Many Disguises
The devil has many disguises,
He enters God's sacred abode,
Taps the shoulder of many a Christian,
Follow me, on destruction's road.
He is clever and smooth in his manner,
He pretends to be helpful and kind,
In politeness he walks with God's children,
Leads astray the ones who are blind.
With subtle endeavor he wanders,
And shrewdly maneuvers his tricks,
His tongue is gracious with sweetness,
While his hand is throwing a brick.
There is only one way to combat him,
You must feel God's grace, know his peace,
Work with tender compassion, Christ's insight,
Love mankind and never cease.
Satan gnashes his teeth at God's children,
Imbued with power from above,
Courageously facing his evil,
With firmness they give him a shove--
That sends him reeling and rolling,
Away with his lying to men,
But vigilance constant is needed,
Or that devil will walk here again.
Prayer
I thank Thee, God, that through the years,
Amid the fervor of men's greed,
With steadfast burning zeal have come
Impassioned souls to meet their need.
Prolong Thy vision with our lives,
Mold Thou our hearts and mind,
Until we too, like those of old
True consecration find.
Thanks, Mom, for all the truths you shared through the years and for the written records you left behind for our well-being.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Parenting Classes For Young Mothers: A Growing Social Concern
CONCERNS ABOUT FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Over the last 50 years changes in marriage and family patterns have challenged the traditional well-being of family relationships. Historically the nuclear family outlined marriage and family as a social institution with rights and responsibilities in regard to spouse, parent and child. The family provided continuing support and nurture. The modern era moved away from the institutional family to an emphasis on personal contract in which individuals decide their own terms of relationships. Women's liberation, no-fault divorce laws, reproductive technologies, and the gay movement challenged lifelong monogamous and heterosexual marriage, creating fluid and flexible family structures.
Divorce Increases
In the early 1970's, no-fault divorce laws gave rise to a rapid increase in divorce. Each year over a million new children under 18 experienced the divorce of their parents. Following divorce children could become 30 or more percent poorer. Custody arrangements create challenges for children and parents. Twenty-five years following the divorce of their parents the adult children often continue to recall feelings of shock, loneliness and bewilderment. Many became pessimistic about relationships and marriage, fearing a sudden loss. 1.
A Postmarriage Society
A trend toward a postmarriage society shifted the basis for childbearing and child rearing in America. By 2011, 24 percent of children in the United States were born to cohabiting couples. Another 20 percent of children were spending some years in a cohabiting household. 2.
Fatherless Families
Men were increasingly leaving or being left out of family relationships. By 2014, 24 million children in America - one in three- were living in a biological father-absent home. Children in father-absent homes were almost four times more likely to be poor. Children from fatherless homes, by large majorities, were included among youth suicides, homeless and runaway children, rapists with anger problems, high school dropout, adolescents in chemical abuse centers, and juveniles in state operated institutions. 3.
Growing Need for Parenting Education
Many community, religious and national non-profit organizations focused attention on improving marriage and family relationships by offering parenting and relationship classes for couples and single parents. However, despite efforts to increase the marriage rate, relationships continued to unravel. By 2013, young adults in middle America, the sixty percent with a high school education but no college degree, were cycling through unstable relationships, hooking up, having babies, hooking up with someone else, and so on. Sexuality was being viewed as an assumption of dating. Many teens had already had several sex partners. 4.
This is a difficult foundation for forming strong families. Young mothers who find themselves 'suddenly pregnant' are in a crisis of confusion, not knowing what is necessary to build strong relationships. Reaching these new mothers and helping them develop a positive approach to supporting their children is essential. Those who come from broken and dysfunctional homes need guidance, encouragement, direction and a way to think about a positive family life for themselves and their children.
Parenting classes that offer information in positive communication, conflict resolution skills, childhood education information, health and wellness, nutrition, money management and participation in the community are increasingly necessary to help families survive and thrive in our increasingly complex society. These classes are especially important as young women from unstable backgrounds become parents.
It is essential that schools, community organizations and religious organizations step forward to offer parenting courses to encourage and support healthy family relationships.
In my blogs between February 21st and April 6th, 2016, eight parenting sessions are presented that may be used to help parents, especially new, young mothers, grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children. These sessions have been successfully used to guide young mothers who came to a pregnancy care center for help. The women responded well to the materials and expressed appreciation for the help.
References:
1. Wallerstein, Judith S. Ph.D. and Julia M. Lewis, Ph.D. 2004. "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: Report of a 25-Year Study." Psychoanalytic Psychology. Vol. 21, No. 3:353-370.
2. Institute for American Values. 2011. Why Marriage Matters, Third Edition: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York, NY. pgs. 6-8, 46.
3. Statistics on Father Absence. National Fatherhood Initiative. 2014. "The Father Factor". http://www.fatherhood.org/media/consequences-of-father-absence-statistics.
The Fatherhood Generation. 2014. Statistics. http://wwwthefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics..
4. Lapp, Amber and David. 2013. "Looking for Marriage in Middle America". Propositions 11. New York, NY: Institute for American Values.
Over the last 50 years changes in marriage and family patterns have challenged the traditional well-being of family relationships. Historically the nuclear family outlined marriage and family as a social institution with rights and responsibilities in regard to spouse, parent and child. The family provided continuing support and nurture. The modern era moved away from the institutional family to an emphasis on personal contract in which individuals decide their own terms of relationships. Women's liberation, no-fault divorce laws, reproductive technologies, and the gay movement challenged lifelong monogamous and heterosexual marriage, creating fluid and flexible family structures.
Divorce Increases
In the early 1970's, no-fault divorce laws gave rise to a rapid increase in divorce. Each year over a million new children under 18 experienced the divorce of their parents. Following divorce children could become 30 or more percent poorer. Custody arrangements create challenges for children and parents. Twenty-five years following the divorce of their parents the adult children often continue to recall feelings of shock, loneliness and bewilderment. Many became pessimistic about relationships and marriage, fearing a sudden loss. 1.
A Postmarriage Society
A trend toward a postmarriage society shifted the basis for childbearing and child rearing in America. By 2011, 24 percent of children in the United States were born to cohabiting couples. Another 20 percent of children were spending some years in a cohabiting household. 2.
Fatherless Families
Men were increasingly leaving or being left out of family relationships. By 2014, 24 million children in America - one in three- were living in a biological father-absent home. Children in father-absent homes were almost four times more likely to be poor. Children from fatherless homes, by large majorities, were included among youth suicides, homeless and runaway children, rapists with anger problems, high school dropout, adolescents in chemical abuse centers, and juveniles in state operated institutions. 3.
Growing Need for Parenting Education
Many community, religious and national non-profit organizations focused attention on improving marriage and family relationships by offering parenting and relationship classes for couples and single parents. However, despite efforts to increase the marriage rate, relationships continued to unravel. By 2013, young adults in middle America, the sixty percent with a high school education but no college degree, were cycling through unstable relationships, hooking up, having babies, hooking up with someone else, and so on. Sexuality was being viewed as an assumption of dating. Many teens had already had several sex partners. 4.
This is a difficult foundation for forming strong families. Young mothers who find themselves 'suddenly pregnant' are in a crisis of confusion, not knowing what is necessary to build strong relationships. Reaching these new mothers and helping them develop a positive approach to supporting their children is essential. Those who come from broken and dysfunctional homes need guidance, encouragement, direction and a way to think about a positive family life for themselves and their children.
Parenting classes that offer information in positive communication, conflict resolution skills, childhood education information, health and wellness, nutrition, money management and participation in the community are increasingly necessary to help families survive and thrive in our increasingly complex society. These classes are especially important as young women from unstable backgrounds become parents.
It is essential that schools, community organizations and religious organizations step forward to offer parenting courses to encourage and support healthy family relationships.
In my blogs between February 21st and April 6th, 2016, eight parenting sessions are presented that may be used to help parents, especially new, young mothers, grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children. These sessions have been successfully used to guide young mothers who came to a pregnancy care center for help. The women responded well to the materials and expressed appreciation for the help.
References:
1. Wallerstein, Judith S. Ph.D. and Julia M. Lewis, Ph.D. 2004. "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: Report of a 25-Year Study." Psychoanalytic Psychology. Vol. 21, No. 3:353-370.
2. Institute for American Values. 2011. Why Marriage Matters, Third Edition: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York, NY. pgs. 6-8, 46.
3. Statistics on Father Absence. National Fatherhood Initiative. 2014. "The Father Factor". http://www.fatherhood.org/media/consequences-of-father-absence-statistics.
The Fatherhood Generation. 2014. Statistics. http://wwwthefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics..
4. Lapp, Amber and David. 2013. "Looking for Marriage in Middle America". Propositions 11. New York, NY: Institute for American Values.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way.
Homes are more than houses of walls and beams. Homes are built with thoughtful caring concern where the family unit shares protection, support, sacrifice and love.
Careful planning turns a house into a home for the people who dwell there.
Eight sessions are presented each representing a parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children. The materials provided may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting session.
The materials in these sessions were compiled and used by the author (Dr. Marjorie Coppock) over a three year period to guide young women who came to the Pregnancy Care Center (San Antonio). The young women responded well to the materials presented and expressed appreciation for the help.
Each session has been entered as a separate blog in this blogsite. (www.concerningthis.blogspot.com)
The topic of each session and the date entered into the blogsite are listed below.
Session 1. Skills of Listening and Communicating - February 21, 2016
Session 2. Solving Conflicts Constructively - February 26, 2016
Session 3. Wise Money Management - March 4, 2016
Session 4. Parenting Your Children - March 10, 2016
Session 5. Passing on Family Traditions - March 21, 2016
Session 6. Creating Health and Wellness - March 27, 2016
Session 7. Good Nutrition - April 1, 2016
Session 8. Attitudes of Gratitude - April 6, 2016
**************************
Individuals, schools, churches, and community organizations are invited and encouraged to use these (or other) materials to offer parenting sessions to help families solve the problems of living together in a constructive and loving way.
The PDF file and docx file of this series of eight parenting classes is also located on my website: www.wrestlingwithangels.com under the section 'Related Essays'. It is entitled: "Turning the Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships". It can be downloaded at no cost.
Homes are more than houses of walls and beams. Homes are built with thoughtful caring concern where the family unit shares protection, support, sacrifice and love.
Careful planning turns a house into a home for the people who dwell there.
Eight sessions are presented each representing a parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children. The materials provided may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting session.
The materials in these sessions were compiled and used by the author (Dr. Marjorie Coppock) over a three year period to guide young women who came to the Pregnancy Care Center (San Antonio). The young women responded well to the materials presented and expressed appreciation for the help.
Each session has been entered as a separate blog in this blogsite. (www.concerningthis.blogspot.com)
The topic of each session and the date entered into the blogsite are listed below.
Session 1. Skills of Listening and Communicating - February 21, 2016
Session 2. Solving Conflicts Constructively - February 26, 2016
Session 3. Wise Money Management - March 4, 2016
Session 4. Parenting Your Children - March 10, 2016
Session 5. Passing on Family Traditions - March 21, 2016
Session 6. Creating Health and Wellness - March 27, 2016
Session 7. Good Nutrition - April 1, 2016
Session 8. Attitudes of Gratitude - April 6, 2016
**************************
Individuals, schools, churches, and community organizations are invited and encouraged to use these (or other) materials to offer parenting sessions to help families solve the problems of living together in a constructive and loving way.
The PDF file and docx file of this series of eight parenting classes is also located on my website: www.wrestlingwithangels.com under the section 'Related Essays'. It is entitled: "Turning the Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships". It can be downloaded at no cost.
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 8, Attitudes of Gratitude
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
CREATING MORE JOY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS 1.
Develop an Asset Focus:
...the more you look at what's right instead of what's wrong,
Change actually occurs. Impasses break up,
New insights arise, and
The energy begins to move in a positive direction.
Conversely, when you focus on what's wrong, you dig yourself into a bigger hole.
A Culture of Problems
We are trained in our culture to focus on problems:
what is wrong,
what needs to be corrected.
We develop a negative mind set.
However, "When one generates mental negativity, one starts suffering;
Whenever one is free from negativity, one enjoys peace and harmony."
- S.N. Goenka
Gratitude
Gratitude is a matter of putting our attention on what is right in our lives,
and what is right about the people we live with.
The more we do it, the happier in love and life we will be.
You Can Choose What to Pay Attention To.
To fall in love - focus on everything wonderful about the person.
To fall out of love - pay attention to their flaws (we all have them).
We can choose to notice a person's good qualities (we all have them).
Taming Our Expectations
"An expectation, as they say, is a resentment waiting to happen." - Jon Carroll
"Ah, expectations! They do have a way of forming, but nothing is better at killing a sense of appreciation. That's because...they quickly launch us into resentment when our expectations go unmet. When we cling too tightly to our expectations of how it should be, we can easily overlook what is marvelous about what is." 2.
Receptivity is Key
"Gratitude is a feeling that is created when we become aware of what we are receiving. We may have been receiving it all along, but it is only when we become aware of what we have that we experience a sense of thankfulness...
Receptivity is an attitude that we choose - to allow life to enter us, move us, transform us. It is enhanced by practices - for instance, of consciously taking in the world around you through your eyes, ears, and body - and by taking time.
It's hard to be receptive when you are going ninety miles an hour." 3.
Make a Gratitude Laundry List
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." - Robert Browning
In family 'fights' it's easy to remember everything remotely related to build a case of how terrible the person is. We keep lists!
It's embarrassing to admit that we don't keep an equivalent Gratitude List.
But if we can keep a list of negatives, we can also keep a positive one on hand.
"Make you list long and engrave it somewhere. Then when times are tough and you've lost your perspective, you can bring it out and make a case for why it's worth going on." 4.
We are often guilty of treating the persons we love worse than we would a random stranger. Don't forget to say "Please" and "Thank you" at home.
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
By Dorothy Law Nolte
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns to have confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith,
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
Consider how this poem can be adapted to apply to all the family.
People Learn What They Live.
If people live with criticism, they learn to condemn...
If people live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love.
THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 5.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
The best things you can give children, next to good habits, are good manners.
Our business in life is not to see through one another, it is to see one another through.
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness - it is usually returned.
The most powerful single thing you can do to have influence over others is to smile at them.
No one stands as straight as when he stoops to help someone.
Thanksgiving comes but once a year, but reasons to give thanks are always here.
****************************************************************
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things...
And the God of peace will be with you.
Phillippians 4:4-9
References:
1. Ryan, M.J. Attitudes of Gratitude in Love - Creating More Joy in Your Relationships. New York: MJF Books. 2002.
2. Ibid: pgs 69-70
3. Ibid. pg. 84
4. Ibid. pg 132
5. Kapla, Marcia & David. THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 1989.
CREATING MORE JOY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS 1.
Develop an Asset Focus:
...the more you look at what's right instead of what's wrong,
Change actually occurs. Impasses break up,
New insights arise, and
The energy begins to move in a positive direction.
Conversely, when you focus on what's wrong, you dig yourself into a bigger hole.
A Culture of Problems
We are trained in our culture to focus on problems:
what is wrong,
what needs to be corrected.
We develop a negative mind set.
However, "When one generates mental negativity, one starts suffering;
Whenever one is free from negativity, one enjoys peace and harmony."
- S.N. Goenka
Gratitude
Gratitude is a matter of putting our attention on what is right in our lives,
and what is right about the people we live with.
The more we do it, the happier in love and life we will be.
You Can Choose What to Pay Attention To.
To fall in love - focus on everything wonderful about the person.
To fall out of love - pay attention to their flaws (we all have them).
We can choose to notice a person's good qualities (we all have them).
Taming Our Expectations
"An expectation, as they say, is a resentment waiting to happen." - Jon Carroll
"Ah, expectations! They do have a way of forming, but nothing is better at killing a sense of appreciation. That's because...they quickly launch us into resentment when our expectations go unmet. When we cling too tightly to our expectations of how it should be, we can easily overlook what is marvelous about what is." 2.
Receptivity is Key
"Gratitude is a feeling that is created when we become aware of what we are receiving. We may have been receiving it all along, but it is only when we become aware of what we have that we experience a sense of thankfulness...
Receptivity is an attitude that we choose - to allow life to enter us, move us, transform us. It is enhanced by practices - for instance, of consciously taking in the world around you through your eyes, ears, and body - and by taking time.
It's hard to be receptive when you are going ninety miles an hour." 3.
Make a Gratitude Laundry List
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." - Robert Browning
In family 'fights' it's easy to remember everything remotely related to build a case of how terrible the person is. We keep lists!
It's embarrassing to admit that we don't keep an equivalent Gratitude List.
But if we can keep a list of negatives, we can also keep a positive one on hand.
"Make you list long and engrave it somewhere. Then when times are tough and you've lost your perspective, you can bring it out and make a case for why it's worth going on." 4.
We are often guilty of treating the persons we love worse than we would a random stranger. Don't forget to say "Please" and "Thank you" at home.
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
By Dorothy Law Nolte
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns to have confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith,
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
Consider how this poem can be adapted to apply to all the family.
People Learn What They Live.
If people live with criticism, they learn to condemn...
If people live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love.
THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 5.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
The best things you can give children, next to good habits, are good manners.
Our business in life is not to see through one another, it is to see one another through.
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness - it is usually returned.
The most powerful single thing you can do to have influence over others is to smile at them.
No one stands as straight as when he stoops to help someone.
Thanksgiving comes but once a year, but reasons to give thanks are always here.
****************************************************************
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things...
And the God of peace will be with you.
Phillippians 4:4-9
References:
1. Ryan, M.J. Attitudes of Gratitude in Love - Creating More Joy in Your Relationships. New York: MJF Books. 2002.
2. Ibid: pgs 69-70
3. Ibid. pg. 84
4. Ibid. pg 132
5. Kapla, Marcia & David. THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 1989.
Friday, April 1, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 7, Good Nutrition
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
GOOD NUTRITION IS THE FOUNDATION FOR A HEALTHY BODY.
Making good food choices enables you to build a healthy lifestyle so your family can grow and thrive.
Serving a variety of foods insures that your family receives the nutrients needed to keep bodies healthy. Think about what and how much good goes on your plate. Over the day, include foods from all food groups: vegetables, fruits, whole grains, low-fat dairy products, and lean protein foods.
The United State Department of Agriculture Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion has developed a website with excellent resources for making good food choices - www.ChooseMyPlate.gov. They have numerous tip sheets that can be downloaded to put on the refrigerator to remind you of good nutrition.
ChooseMyPlate - 10 tips to a Great Plate 1.
1. Balance calories: Find out how many calories YOU need for a day as a first step in managing your weight. Go to www.ChooseMyPlate.gov to find you calorie level. Being physically active helps you balance calories.
2. Enjoy your food, but eat less: Take time to fully enjoy your food as you eat it. Eating too fast or when your attention is elsewhere may lead to eating too many calories.
3. Avoid over sized portions: Use a smaller plate, bowl, and glass. Portion out foods before you eat. When eating out, choose a smaller size option, share a dish, or take home part of your meal.
4. Foods to eat more often: Eat more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and fat-free or 1% milk and dairy products. These foods have the nutrients you need for health - including potassium, calcium, vitamin D, and fiber.
5. Make half your plate fruits and vegetables including tomatoes, sweet potatoes, and broccoli, along with other vegetables for your meals. Add fruit to meals as a main dish, side dish or dessert.
6. Switch to fat-free or low-fat (1%) milk: They have the same amount of calcium and other essential nutrients as whole milk, but fewer calories and less saturated fat.
7. Make half your grains whole grains: To eat more whole grains, substitute a whole-grain product for a refined product - such as eating whole-wheat bread instead of white bread or brown rice instead of white rice.
8. Foods to eat less often: Cut back on foods high in solid fats, added sugars, and salt. They include cakes, cookies, ice cream, candies, sweetened drinks, pizza, and fatty meats such as ribs, sausages, bacon and hot dogs. Use these foods as occasional treats, not everyday foods.
9. Compare sodium in foods: Use the Nutrition Facts label to choose lower sodium versions of foods, especially in soup, bread, and frozen meals. Select canned foods labeled 'low sodium', 'reduced sodium', or 'no salt added'.
10. Drink water instead of sugary drinks: Cut calories by drinking water or unsweetened beverages. Soda, energy drinks, and sports drinks are a major source of added sugar, and calories, in American diets.
PUT A RAINBOW OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES ON YOUR PLATE.
A variety of vitamins and minerals are essential for good health. 2.
Functions Sources
Vitamin A Good vision/ reproduction Orange fruits/vegetables
Boosts immune system Dark green leafy
vegetables
Vitamin B1, Making energy, Whole grains, fish,
B2, B6, B12, Making red blood cells eggs, poultry, meats,
Biotin, Niacin, which carry oxygen leafy green vegetables,
folic acid,, Dairy products,
Pantothenic acid seafood, beans
Vitamin C Helps body resist and Citrus fruits, cantaloupe,
fight infection Strawberries, broccoli
Vitamin D Helps to absorb calcium Sunlight, fortified milk,
make strong bones/teeth fish, egg yolks, liver
Vitamin E Protects the heart, skin, Whole grains, nuts,
nervous system leafy green vegetables
Vitamin K Clots blood to stop Dairy products, broccoli
in wounds leafy green vegetables
Calcium Grows bones/teeth Dairy products, broccoli,
turnip and mustard
greens
Potassium Blood pressure, nerves Milk, orange juice,
muscle contractions bananas, some cereals
Proteins Muscle development Eggs, milk, meat, fish,
Food digestion beans, peas
COUNT YOUR CALORIES AND WATCH YOUR WEIGHT.
Food labels printed on grocery packages provide valuable information to help plan healthy eating habits. With your doctor's help, determine the number of calories needed each day for you and each family member to maintain a healthy body weight. Food labels show calories as a percentage of a 2,000 calorie-a-day diet (the recommended number of calories for a 5'10" man to maintain a weight of 170 lbs.)
Most women and children will require fewer calories, while some men may require more or less to maintain a healthy weight. Check the serving size of the calories listed on the label.
Being overweight or obese causes serious health concerns, including cardiovascular disease, some cancers, and type 2 diabetes. Unfortunately, being overweight has become the norm in the United States. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have defined overweight and obesity by using body weight and height to calculate a value called the body mass index (BMI). A chart to help you determine your healthy weight using the BMI can be located on the internet.
If you need to lose weight it is necessary to develop a program that combines an increase in physical activity with a determined decrease in calorie intake.
FOCUS ON FRUITS.
Most fruits are low in fat, sodium and calories. Keep a bowl of whole fruits on the table or in the refrigerator for snacking. Buy fresh fruits in season when they are less expensive. Be a good role model. Set a good example for children by eating fruits every day with meals or as snacks.
KEEP MEALTIME PLEASANT.
The Fruit of the Spirit Is;
Love, Joy,
Peach, Patience,
Kindness, Goodness,
Gentleness and Self-Control.
Against such there is no law.
Galatians 5:22
References:
1. www.ChooseMyPlate.gov. DG Tip Sheet No 1. United States Department of Agriculture.
2. Kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=Kid....,
Carl E. Coppock. Lose the Diet and Lose the Weight. Tate Pub. 2012.
GOOD NUTRITION IS THE FOUNDATION FOR A HEALTHY BODY.
Making good food choices enables you to build a healthy lifestyle so your family can grow and thrive.
Serving a variety of foods insures that your family receives the nutrients needed to keep bodies healthy. Think about what and how much good goes on your plate. Over the day, include foods from all food groups: vegetables, fruits, whole grains, low-fat dairy products, and lean protein foods.
The United State Department of Agriculture Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion has developed a website with excellent resources for making good food choices - www.ChooseMyPlate.gov. They have numerous tip sheets that can be downloaded to put on the refrigerator to remind you of good nutrition.
ChooseMyPlate - 10 tips to a Great Plate 1.
1. Balance calories: Find out how many calories YOU need for a day as a first step in managing your weight. Go to www.ChooseMyPlate.gov to find you calorie level. Being physically active helps you balance calories.
2. Enjoy your food, but eat less: Take time to fully enjoy your food as you eat it. Eating too fast or when your attention is elsewhere may lead to eating too many calories.
3. Avoid over sized portions: Use a smaller plate, bowl, and glass. Portion out foods before you eat. When eating out, choose a smaller size option, share a dish, or take home part of your meal.
4. Foods to eat more often: Eat more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and fat-free or 1% milk and dairy products. These foods have the nutrients you need for health - including potassium, calcium, vitamin D, and fiber.
5. Make half your plate fruits and vegetables including tomatoes, sweet potatoes, and broccoli, along with other vegetables for your meals. Add fruit to meals as a main dish, side dish or dessert.
6. Switch to fat-free or low-fat (1%) milk: They have the same amount of calcium and other essential nutrients as whole milk, but fewer calories and less saturated fat.
7. Make half your grains whole grains: To eat more whole grains, substitute a whole-grain product for a refined product - such as eating whole-wheat bread instead of white bread or brown rice instead of white rice.
8. Foods to eat less often: Cut back on foods high in solid fats, added sugars, and salt. They include cakes, cookies, ice cream, candies, sweetened drinks, pizza, and fatty meats such as ribs, sausages, bacon and hot dogs. Use these foods as occasional treats, not everyday foods.
9. Compare sodium in foods: Use the Nutrition Facts label to choose lower sodium versions of foods, especially in soup, bread, and frozen meals. Select canned foods labeled 'low sodium', 'reduced sodium', or 'no salt added'.
10. Drink water instead of sugary drinks: Cut calories by drinking water or unsweetened beverages. Soda, energy drinks, and sports drinks are a major source of added sugar, and calories, in American diets.
PUT A RAINBOW OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES ON YOUR PLATE.
A variety of vitamins and minerals are essential for good health. 2.
Functions Sources
Vitamin A Good vision/ reproduction Orange fruits/vegetables
Boosts immune system Dark green leafy
vegetables
Vitamin B1, Making energy, Whole grains, fish,
B2, B6, B12, Making red blood cells eggs, poultry, meats,
Biotin, Niacin, which carry oxygen leafy green vegetables,
folic acid,, Dairy products,
Pantothenic acid seafood, beans
Vitamin C Helps body resist and Citrus fruits, cantaloupe,
fight infection Strawberries, broccoli
Vitamin D Helps to absorb calcium Sunlight, fortified milk,
make strong bones/teeth fish, egg yolks, liver
Vitamin E Protects the heart, skin, Whole grains, nuts,
nervous system leafy green vegetables
Vitamin K Clots blood to stop Dairy products, broccoli
in wounds leafy green vegetables
Calcium Grows bones/teeth Dairy products, broccoli,
turnip and mustard
greens
Potassium Blood pressure, nerves Milk, orange juice,
muscle contractions bananas, some cereals
Proteins Muscle development Eggs, milk, meat, fish,
Food digestion beans, peas
COUNT YOUR CALORIES AND WATCH YOUR WEIGHT.
Food labels printed on grocery packages provide valuable information to help plan healthy eating habits. With your doctor's help, determine the number of calories needed each day for you and each family member to maintain a healthy body weight. Food labels show calories as a percentage of a 2,000 calorie-a-day diet (the recommended number of calories for a 5'10" man to maintain a weight of 170 lbs.)
Most women and children will require fewer calories, while some men may require more or less to maintain a healthy weight. Check the serving size of the calories listed on the label.
Being overweight or obese causes serious health concerns, including cardiovascular disease, some cancers, and type 2 diabetes. Unfortunately, being overweight has become the norm in the United States. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have defined overweight and obesity by using body weight and height to calculate a value called the body mass index (BMI). A chart to help you determine your healthy weight using the BMI can be located on the internet.
If you need to lose weight it is necessary to develop a program that combines an increase in physical activity with a determined decrease in calorie intake.
FOCUS ON FRUITS.
Most fruits are low in fat, sodium and calories. Keep a bowl of whole fruits on the table or in the refrigerator for snacking. Buy fresh fruits in season when they are less expensive. Be a good role model. Set a good example for children by eating fruits every day with meals or as snacks.
KEEP MEALTIME PLEASANT.
The Fruit of the Spirit Is;
Love, Joy,
Peach, Patience,
Kindness, Goodness,
Gentleness and Self-Control.
Against such there is no law.
Galatians 5:22
References:
1. www.ChooseMyPlate.gov. DG Tip Sheet No 1. United States Department of Agriculture.
2. Kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=Kid....,
Carl E. Coppock. Lose the Diet and Lose the Weight. Tate Pub. 2012.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 6. Creating Health and Wellness
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
CLEANLINESS, EXERCISE, REST AND SLEEP, GOOD NUTRITION
Health and Wellness are the result of decisions to develop habits that will help our bodies, minds and spirits grow and prosper.
Cleanliness:
Keeping clean is a the first line of defense against germs.
Bathing, at least several times a week, helps to wash away germs and prevent them from spreading and causing illness.
Hand washing is especially important. Research confirms that hand washing is an important behavior that determines who gets sick and who stays healthy.
Hand washing should be a MUST:
* before eating and cooking
* after using the bathroom
* after cleaning around the house
* after touching animals, including family pets
* before and after visiting or taking care of sick friends or relatives
* after blowing one's nose, coughing, or sneezing
* after being outside (playing, gardening, walking the dog).
The few seconds you spend at the sink will save you time in bed and trips to the doctor's office.
Make frequent hand washing a habit. 1.
Tooth brushing is an important part of dental care.
Medical research shows that brushing teeth (at least twice a day) can prevent cavities and gum disease. If teeth are not brushed correctly and frequently, saliva minerals cause tartar to develop and cause gum disease.
CLEAN THE HOUSE
Organize your cleaning schedule to keep your home fresh and sanitary. Don't stress about the mess!
Learn how to keep it clean, room by room.
Each morning
- Make beds, wipe bathroom counters (with anti-bacterial spray or bleach and water (50/50).
- wash breakfast dishes or empty the dishwasher, and do a load of laundry.
Each evening
- Wash the dishes or load the dishwasher,
- wipe kitchen counters with spray (as above),
- take out trash,
-sweep or vacuum floors, and declutter with a basket (use a laundry basket to pick up things that are out of place, then put them away.) 2.
Cleaning Shortcuts from Heloise
* Wipe up spills in the refrigerator as soon as you notice them. Toss anything that is beyond it's expiration date or is spoiled.
* Clean children's plastic toys with a towel moistened with rubbing alcohol.
* Presort laundry items into baskets. Clear the lint filter after each dryer load.
* Dust and quick clean one room every day.
EXERCISE AND PHYSICAL FITNESS
Exercise is an important part of staying healthy. Watching TV, playing video games or sitting in a chair will not develop the stamina needed for good health!
Adults need at least 30 minutes a day of physical activity. Children need a lot of time to exercise and develop their muscles and bones.
* People who live active lives feel better and live longer.
* Exercise helps you maintain a Healthy weight.
* Exercise can delay or prevent some diseases such as diabetes, some cancers and heart problems.
Find the right exercise for you and your family. If it's something you enjoy, you are more likely to stay motivated (sports, walking, jogging, swimming, biking, etc.).
SLEEPING AND REST
Getting a good nights sleep is essential to good health. Not getting enough sleep causes mental, emotional and physical fatigue. Sleep deprivation can lead to irritability, an impaired immune system, symptoms similar to ADHD, and decreased reaction time. Children need more sleep in order to develop and function properly.
* A newborn requires up to 18 hours a day.
* A child one year old requires 14-18 hours.
* A child two to five years old requires 11-15 hours.
* A child six years through adolescence requires 9-11 hours.
* Adults require 7-8 hours a day.
GOOD NUTRITION
Good food habits are the foundation for a healthy body. Serve a variety of foods to insure that your family receives the nutrients needed to keep bodies healthy. When it's snack time, give your family nutritious snacks such as: fruit or fruit juices, vegetables, cheese, crackers, or meat slices.
Eat food from each food group daily for a well-balanced diet.
Milk group - 2-3 servings.
* Milk, yogurt and cheese are high in protein and calcium. These are important vitamins and minerals needed to build strong bones and teeth.
Meat Group - 2-3 servings.
* Meat, poultry, fish and eggs provide protein, B vitamins, and minerals that are essential to develop muscles, bones, and blood vessels.
Fruits and Vegetables Group - 5+ servings.
* These foods give you vitamins, minerals, and fiber with few calories. Vitamin C helps resist infection and heal wounds, and Vitamin A helps to keep the digestive tract healthy.
Bread and Cereal Group - 6-11 servings.
* These are high in B vitamins, iron and fiber to help the body obtain energy from food, use oxygen and metabolize.
Fat, Oils and Sweets Group - Servings from this group should be limited.
UNHEALTHY HABITS IMPORTANT TO BREAK
* Smoking - Half a million Americans die each year from smoking-related health conditions. Smoking decreases lung capacity for healthy exercise.
* Being a worry wart - If you have a problem, try to solve it. If it can't be solved, forget it. Worrying won't help.
* Overtime work - Overworked Americans have doubled in the last 20 years. Quality time for yourself and your family its important for healthy relationships.
* Alcohol and drugs - They deaden the ability to think and decide clearly.
HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME SEXUALITY
We have been blessed with an abundance of simple pleasures: sunshine and sunsets, brilliant flowers and cool water on a hot day. Sexual relationships, however, are complex pleasures because they involve the life of another person in a holistic way: physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. Above all, sexual behaviors produce new life. Faith affirms that life is a sacred gift from God.
The United States Center for Disease Control and Prevention confirms that more than 65 million people in the USA have an incurable sexually transmitted infection (STI). Many STI's result in tubal pregnancies and infertility, cancer, or severe damage to body organs. Be aware of the consequences if you fail to limit your sexual partners to one mutually monogamous healthy relationship. Protect your sexual health.
PREVENTIVE CARE REDUCES ILLNESS
While we are the first line of defense in protecting out health and the health of our families, community health clinics and family physicians are essential in helping us protect our health and wellness.
Annual visits to our doctor provide preventive care through immunizations and screening of cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, and hearing, vision, breast exams and other exams.
Keep a file and record for each family member of dates of immunization, major illness and surgeries and the names of doctors who helped with each for future reference.
CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART, O GOD
Have mercy on me, O God, according to thy steadfast love;
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Psalms 51:1-2,7,10-12
References:
1. Kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=Kid...
2. www.organizeforfree.com/2012/05/09free-house-cleaning-printout/
CLEANLINESS, EXERCISE, REST AND SLEEP, GOOD NUTRITION
Health and Wellness are the result of decisions to develop habits that will help our bodies, minds and spirits grow and prosper.
Cleanliness:
Keeping clean is a the first line of defense against germs.
Bathing, at least several times a week, helps to wash away germs and prevent them from spreading and causing illness.
Hand washing is especially important. Research confirms that hand washing is an important behavior that determines who gets sick and who stays healthy.
Hand washing should be a MUST:
* before eating and cooking
* after using the bathroom
* after cleaning around the house
* after touching animals, including family pets
* before and after visiting or taking care of sick friends or relatives
* after blowing one's nose, coughing, or sneezing
* after being outside (playing, gardening, walking the dog).
The few seconds you spend at the sink will save you time in bed and trips to the doctor's office.
Make frequent hand washing a habit. 1.
Tooth brushing is an important part of dental care.
Medical research shows that brushing teeth (at least twice a day) can prevent cavities and gum disease. If teeth are not brushed correctly and frequently, saliva minerals cause tartar to develop and cause gum disease.
CLEAN THE HOUSE
Organize your cleaning schedule to keep your home fresh and sanitary. Don't stress about the mess!
Learn how to keep it clean, room by room.
Each morning
- Make beds, wipe bathroom counters (with anti-bacterial spray or bleach and water (50/50).
- wash breakfast dishes or empty the dishwasher, and do a load of laundry.
Each evening
- Wash the dishes or load the dishwasher,
- wipe kitchen counters with spray (as above),
- take out trash,
-sweep or vacuum floors, and declutter with a basket (use a laundry basket to pick up things that are out of place, then put them away.) 2.
Cleaning Shortcuts from Heloise
* Wipe up spills in the refrigerator as soon as you notice them. Toss anything that is beyond it's expiration date or is spoiled.
* Clean children's plastic toys with a towel moistened with rubbing alcohol.
* Presort laundry items into baskets. Clear the lint filter after each dryer load.
* Dust and quick clean one room every day.
EXERCISE AND PHYSICAL FITNESS
Exercise is an important part of staying healthy. Watching TV, playing video games or sitting in a chair will not develop the stamina needed for good health!
Adults need at least 30 minutes a day of physical activity. Children need a lot of time to exercise and develop their muscles and bones.
* People who live active lives feel better and live longer.
* Exercise helps you maintain a Healthy weight.
* Exercise can delay or prevent some diseases such as diabetes, some cancers and heart problems.
Find the right exercise for you and your family. If it's something you enjoy, you are more likely to stay motivated (sports, walking, jogging, swimming, biking, etc.).
SLEEPING AND REST
Getting a good nights sleep is essential to good health. Not getting enough sleep causes mental, emotional and physical fatigue. Sleep deprivation can lead to irritability, an impaired immune system, symptoms similar to ADHD, and decreased reaction time. Children need more sleep in order to develop and function properly.
* A newborn requires up to 18 hours a day.
* A child one year old requires 14-18 hours.
* A child two to five years old requires 11-15 hours.
* A child six years through adolescence requires 9-11 hours.
* Adults require 7-8 hours a day.
GOOD NUTRITION
Good food habits are the foundation for a healthy body. Serve a variety of foods to insure that your family receives the nutrients needed to keep bodies healthy. When it's snack time, give your family nutritious snacks such as: fruit or fruit juices, vegetables, cheese, crackers, or meat slices.
Eat food from each food group daily for a well-balanced diet.
Milk group - 2-3 servings.
* Milk, yogurt and cheese are high in protein and calcium. These are important vitamins and minerals needed to build strong bones and teeth.
Meat Group - 2-3 servings.
* Meat, poultry, fish and eggs provide protein, B vitamins, and minerals that are essential to develop muscles, bones, and blood vessels.
Fruits and Vegetables Group - 5+ servings.
* These foods give you vitamins, minerals, and fiber with few calories. Vitamin C helps resist infection and heal wounds, and Vitamin A helps to keep the digestive tract healthy.
Bread and Cereal Group - 6-11 servings.
* These are high in B vitamins, iron and fiber to help the body obtain energy from food, use oxygen and metabolize.
Fat, Oils and Sweets Group - Servings from this group should be limited.
UNHEALTHY HABITS IMPORTANT TO BREAK
* Smoking - Half a million Americans die each year from smoking-related health conditions. Smoking decreases lung capacity for healthy exercise.
* Being a worry wart - If you have a problem, try to solve it. If it can't be solved, forget it. Worrying won't help.
* Overtime work - Overworked Americans have doubled in the last 20 years. Quality time for yourself and your family its important for healthy relationships.
* Alcohol and drugs - They deaden the ability to think and decide clearly.
HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME SEXUALITY
We have been blessed with an abundance of simple pleasures: sunshine and sunsets, brilliant flowers and cool water on a hot day. Sexual relationships, however, are complex pleasures because they involve the life of another person in a holistic way: physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. Above all, sexual behaviors produce new life. Faith affirms that life is a sacred gift from God.
The United States Center for Disease Control and Prevention confirms that more than 65 million people in the USA have an incurable sexually transmitted infection (STI). Many STI's result in tubal pregnancies and infertility, cancer, or severe damage to body organs. Be aware of the consequences if you fail to limit your sexual partners to one mutually monogamous healthy relationship. Protect your sexual health.
PREVENTIVE CARE REDUCES ILLNESS
While we are the first line of defense in protecting out health and the health of our families, community health clinics and family physicians are essential in helping us protect our health and wellness.
Annual visits to our doctor provide preventive care through immunizations and screening of cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, and hearing, vision, breast exams and other exams.
Keep a file and record for each family member of dates of immunization, major illness and surgeries and the names of doctors who helped with each for future reference.
CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART, O GOD
Have mercy on me, O God, according to thy steadfast love;
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Psalms 51:1-2,7,10-12
References:
1. Kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=Kid...
2. www.organizeforfree.com/2012/05/09free-house-cleaning-printout/
Monday, March 21, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 5, Passing on Family Traditions
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED! 1.
Shared quality time is the soil out of which good families grow. Loving relationships in family require time and commitment.
The support stem of the family flower is a love of God, prayer, devotions and worship.
The leaves and petals of the flower are the sharing times together: Birthdays, Celebrations, :Holidays, Vacations, Picnics, Anniversaries, Recreation, Rituals, Traditions, Reunions, Hospitality, Mealtime, and Eating out together.
Loving Relationships Require Time
It is essential that family members reserve time for one another if loving relationships are to be nourished.
It takes time to get acquainted with the thoughts and feelings of other members of the family.
The greatest destroyers of loving family relationships are over commitment and time pressures.
Being over committed with too many irons stresses feelings of caring and concern for one another.
Most families do not spend much time together listening to each other.
Most families do not spend much time together.
Each family would benefit from a weekly time together spent on and in quality projects/events/times that enrich, deepen, and bring joy to family living.
FAMILY TRADITION -THIS IS THE WAY WE ALWAYS DO IT! 2.
Parents know that having established ways of doing things helps to simplify things. Children want to know what to expect. They enjoy repetition and like to look forward to the same story again and again, the same food, the same video.
Kids and adults like family traditions that develop a sense of togetherness and a sense of family relationship and meaning.
Special traditions may include:
* Reading a storybook before bedtime,
* Making pizza every Saturday night,
* Having a prayer before each meal,
* Remembering birthdays with a cake and a song.
Special activities can make holidays important for the family, such as:
* Having the extended family gather on Thanksgiving for a shared meal,
* Gathering with family and friends to make Tamales at Christmastime, or
* Having hot chocolate and popcorn as you decorate the tree together.
What traditions are important to your family?
A good tradition should include simple activities that focus on the value of the people involved.
Include children in the planning. They may have ideas about special things they want to celebrate together.
A good tradition should be enjoyed. This takes planning in advance to consider what is needed to make it happen in a positive way.
Taking photos or keeping scrapbooks of special family occasions can preserve shared memories of family celebrations. Traditions make family life richer because of celebrating family experiences together.
THE MAGIC OF THE FAMILY MEAL! 3.
The Statistics are clear: kids who dine with their parents are healthier, happier and better students, which is why a dying tradition is coming. back.
There is something about a shared meal, not just at holidays, but on a regular basis that anchors a family together. This is a time when the family members share wisdom and expectations, confess and forgive, and form relationships with each other.
Eating a meal together teaches children to be a part of a group and a member of their culture. When eating together is started young, it becomes a habit and a discipline that provides structure and good eating habits.
Keeping mealtime as pleasant as possible can be a challenge, but developing positive habits early leads to a healthier life.
Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, fall into destructive behaviors, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables and carry on a conversation.
While it may be difficult if parents are working and children are shuttling between school activities and TV shows, it's worth some inconvenience or compromise to make eating meals together a priority.
Including children in the meal preparation by setting a table, helping prepare some foods, and helping to clear off the table can give them a sense of importance in the family.
Mealtime should be a time when TV and other distracting electronic gadgets are turned off.
Beginning the meal with a blessing of thanksgiving can help children and the whole family grow together in appreciation for God's care and for each other.
FAMILY REUNION - FUN, GAMES AND MEMORIES OF THE GRAND OLD TIMES. 4.
Keeping in touch with far-flung members of a family requires planning family reunions so children and parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can come together to share the important activities in their lives.
Family reunions are a time for meals together, playing games together, sharing memories of good times and passing on family traditions that are special.
A reunion can consist of an afternoon picnic, a weekend retreat, or a week camping together in a park. Family reunions become events to look forward to.
Tips for organizing a successful family gathering include:
* Plan ahead. Set the date, even a year ahead, for family who have to travel.
* Share the work. A lot of planning is required. Cook cooperatively.
* Take it easy. Plan time to do nothing and share each other's company.
* Keep a record. Take lots of pictures and keep a scrapbook of events.
WHAT FAMILY RECORDS SHOULD YOU KEEP?
It's important to have a record-keeping system that allows you to quickly put your hand on documents you might need. Organize them into file folders.
* Personal and family records: Social security cards, Addresses and Phone numbers; Birth and marriage certificates, School diplomas, Report cards, Family history and Photographs.
* Property documents: Deed of house, condo, car ownership; Receipts of payments made on house, car or other purchases; Warranties of purchases.
* Financial Records: Investment records; including IRA's, 401 K accounts, savings accounts, credit card records, loan papers.
* Medical and Health Records: Immunizations, Doctor's names and phone numbers; dates of illnesses and surgeries, medicines used.
* Tax Records: Copy of tax reports submitted; Copy of personal checks written over the last 5-7 years.
LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF A HAPPY HOME.
Love is patient, is kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not rude, does not delight in evil, is not easily angered, is not proud, is not self-seeking, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6
Instructing children early in the loving traditions of a religious and moral foundation that teaches positive behaviors and respect for all lays a foundation for a productive and happy life.
References:
1. Nutt, Grady. Family Time: A Revolutionary Idea. 1976.
2. Suk, Letitia. "This is the Way We Always Do It." Focus on the Family. Nov. 2007:9.
3. Gibbs, Nancy. "The Magic of the Family Meal." Time. June 12, 2006:51-54.
4. Cegielski, Jennifer. "A Grand Old Time." Martha Stewart's Living. June 2011:116-125.
BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED! 1.
Shared quality time is the soil out of which good families grow. Loving relationships in family require time and commitment.
The support stem of the family flower is a love of God, prayer, devotions and worship.
The leaves and petals of the flower are the sharing times together: Birthdays, Celebrations, :Holidays, Vacations, Picnics, Anniversaries, Recreation, Rituals, Traditions, Reunions, Hospitality, Mealtime, and Eating out together.
Loving Relationships Require Time
It is essential that family members reserve time for one another if loving relationships are to be nourished.
It takes time to get acquainted with the thoughts and feelings of other members of the family.
The greatest destroyers of loving family relationships are over commitment and time pressures.
Being over committed with too many irons stresses feelings of caring and concern for one another.
Most families do not spend much time together listening to each other.
Most families do not spend much time together.
Each family would benefit from a weekly time together spent on and in quality projects/events/times that enrich, deepen, and bring joy to family living.
FAMILY TRADITION -THIS IS THE WAY WE ALWAYS DO IT! 2.
Parents know that having established ways of doing things helps to simplify things. Children want to know what to expect. They enjoy repetition and like to look forward to the same story again and again, the same food, the same video.
Kids and adults like family traditions that develop a sense of togetherness and a sense of family relationship and meaning.
Special traditions may include:
* Reading a storybook before bedtime,
* Making pizza every Saturday night,
* Having a prayer before each meal,
* Remembering birthdays with a cake and a song.
Special activities can make holidays important for the family, such as:
* Having the extended family gather on Thanksgiving for a shared meal,
* Gathering with family and friends to make Tamales at Christmastime, or
* Having hot chocolate and popcorn as you decorate the tree together.
What traditions are important to your family?
A good tradition should include simple activities that focus on the value of the people involved.
Include children in the planning. They may have ideas about special things they want to celebrate together.
A good tradition should be enjoyed. This takes planning in advance to consider what is needed to make it happen in a positive way.
Taking photos or keeping scrapbooks of special family occasions can preserve shared memories of family celebrations. Traditions make family life richer because of celebrating family experiences together.
THE MAGIC OF THE FAMILY MEAL! 3.
The Statistics are clear: kids who dine with their parents are healthier, happier and better students, which is why a dying tradition is coming. back.
There is something about a shared meal, not just at holidays, but on a regular basis that anchors a family together. This is a time when the family members share wisdom and expectations, confess and forgive, and form relationships with each other.
Eating a meal together teaches children to be a part of a group and a member of their culture. When eating together is started young, it becomes a habit and a discipline that provides structure and good eating habits.
Keeping mealtime as pleasant as possible can be a challenge, but developing positive habits early leads to a healthier life.
Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, fall into destructive behaviors, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables and carry on a conversation.
While it may be difficult if parents are working and children are shuttling between school activities and TV shows, it's worth some inconvenience or compromise to make eating meals together a priority.
Including children in the meal preparation by setting a table, helping prepare some foods, and helping to clear off the table can give them a sense of importance in the family.
Mealtime should be a time when TV and other distracting electronic gadgets are turned off.
Beginning the meal with a blessing of thanksgiving can help children and the whole family grow together in appreciation for God's care and for each other.
FAMILY REUNION - FUN, GAMES AND MEMORIES OF THE GRAND OLD TIMES. 4.
Keeping in touch with far-flung members of a family requires planning family reunions so children and parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can come together to share the important activities in their lives.
Family reunions are a time for meals together, playing games together, sharing memories of good times and passing on family traditions that are special.
A reunion can consist of an afternoon picnic, a weekend retreat, or a week camping together in a park. Family reunions become events to look forward to.
Tips for organizing a successful family gathering include:
* Plan ahead. Set the date, even a year ahead, for family who have to travel.
* Share the work. A lot of planning is required. Cook cooperatively.
* Take it easy. Plan time to do nothing and share each other's company.
* Keep a record. Take lots of pictures and keep a scrapbook of events.
WHAT FAMILY RECORDS SHOULD YOU KEEP?
It's important to have a record-keeping system that allows you to quickly put your hand on documents you might need. Organize them into file folders.
* Personal and family records: Social security cards, Addresses and Phone numbers; Birth and marriage certificates, School diplomas, Report cards, Family history and Photographs.
* Property documents: Deed of house, condo, car ownership; Receipts of payments made on house, car or other purchases; Warranties of purchases.
* Financial Records: Investment records; including IRA's, 401 K accounts, savings accounts, credit card records, loan papers.
* Medical and Health Records: Immunizations, Doctor's names and phone numbers; dates of illnesses and surgeries, medicines used.
* Tax Records: Copy of tax reports submitted; Copy of personal checks written over the last 5-7 years.
LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF A HAPPY HOME.
Love is patient, is kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not rude, does not delight in evil, is not easily angered, is not proud, is not self-seeking, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6
Instructing children early in the loving traditions of a religious and moral foundation that teaches positive behaviors and respect for all lays a foundation for a productive and happy life.
References:
1. Nutt, Grady. Family Time: A Revolutionary Idea. 1976.
2. Suk, Letitia. "This is the Way We Always Do It." Focus on the Family. Nov. 2007:9.
3. Gibbs, Nancy. "The Magic of the Family Meal." Time. June 12, 2006:51-54.
4. Cegielski, Jennifer. "A Grand Old Time." Martha Stewart's Living. June 2011:116-125.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 4. Parenting Your Children
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
"Being a good parent today is a real challenge.
Here are some tips to help you create a loving relationship with your kids and still set and enforce the limits they need. 1.
* When children misbehave, let them know that you dislike what they did but not who they are.
* Rewarding good behavior is more effective than punishing misbehavior.
* Try to 'catch' your children being good. Be generous with your praise.
* Punishment should be used to help teach children about the consequences of their behavior...Never punish in anger.
* Setting a good example is the best way to teach your children how you want them to behave.
* Physical punishment teaches a child that hitting is okay.
* Words hurt. If you tell children they are stupid or lazy they will grow up believing that.
* Make it a habit to spend time together. For example, make bedtime into story time and read together."
Communication is More Than Words. 2.
There are five important goals in communicating with your children.
1. The first goal is to communicate "I love you.".
No one can do this like a parent. Children understand that we love them when we use more kind words than criticism, when we give them pats, smiles, and hugs and treat them with respect.
2. We need to communicate "You can talk to me and I will listen."
They understand this when we listen to their feelings without disapproval.
3. A third communication goal is "You are strong. I believe in your abilities."
When we encourage and support their efforts and celebrate their successes, even the small ones, they learn to have faith in their ability.
4. We need to communicate "You are responsible."
Children must learn to recognize the connection between their actions and their consequences. Protecting children from their mistakes will not build character.
5. We need to communicate, " I, your parent, am the boss. I care too much for you to allow you to misbehave. I will set limits and I expect you to listen to me."
Children will test the limits, but when they know where the limits are, they feel safe and secure.
Teach Your Children to Manage Money.
Teach them how to separate needs from wants,
how to save,
how to invest, and
how to share with others.
Allow them to manage money through an allowance or money earned from small jobs. Give them guidelines and allow them to make decisions.
Talk to Your Children About Alcohol and Drugs. 3.
* Make sure children understand the dangers and problems of alcohol and other drug use.
* Learn to really listen. Keep the lines of communication open.
* Help children develop strong values. This will give them the courage to make decisions based on facts rather than pressure.
* Be a good role model. Children are aware of their parent's habits.
* Help children deal with peer pressure. They may need skills to resist pressure from their friends.
* Set firm rules about drinking and other drug use. Family rules should be clear and consistent.
Marriage or Living Together - Does is Really Matter?
Living arrangements have changed dramatically. In 1970 1 million people lived together outside of marriage. By 2000 this number increased to 11 million. Some have no intention to get married. Others see living together as a trial marriage.
Children are born into these arrangements. Having a child is a lifetime commitment to support and care for this person throughout his or her life. Children deserve and need the love and support of both of their parents.
In planning for the well-being of children and family, it is important to consider all the information that will support a healthy lifestyle.
Conclusions from social science overwhelmingly show that a commitment to marriage: 4.
* increases the likelihood that both fathers and mothers have a good relationship with their children,
* reduces poverty and material hardship for women and children,
* is associated with lower rates of alcohol and substance abuse,
* is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness, and disability,
* reduces the risk of delinquent and criminal behavior, especially for boys,
* reduces the risk of child abuse,
* increases the ability of children to do well in school.
Including Dad in Parenting: Fathers are important too. 5.
With 40% of children now born out of wedlock, many men are failing to experience the important role of fatherhood and many children are growing up without a father for support, nurture and protection. An effective father supports and cares for his children's mother.
Fatherhood is the most important role for men because it helps them become pro social. Our schools, churches and community centers need to provide learning opportunities to help young men become responsible fathers for their families.
Teaching your Children Healthy Sexuality 6.
Healthy sexuality is about encouraging wholesome relationships and attitudes. The popular culture teaches that sex is about sexual desires. We want out children to have God-honoring attitudes about human sexuality. We should start conversations when our children are young.
For 3-5 year olds the theme is God created boys and girls and moms and dads and God wants us to honor Him with our bodies. We need to bring up personal safety issues and what is proper and inappropriate touch from others.
Ages 6-9 is a stage when kids are curious. Answer their question "Where do babies come from?" Introduce basic anatomy and how God is a part of families.
The Purity Code is the important message for ages 10-13 with the message that our bodies are gifts from God to be used in obedience to Him. Address guy/girl relationships, pornography, cultural influences, peer pressure, modesty and flirting.
For ages 14-18 conversations take place on dating, setting standards, sexual abuse, how far is too far, respecting sexuality, drugs, alcohol, partying and sexual integrity decisions. No conversation should be off limits for parents.
Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord. 7.
Start Children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6.
"We can model true faith and continually pray that God will transform their hearts... The most powerful word is prayer...Praying with your children and for them. Praying in times of crisis and moments of celebration. Praying for no reason at all other than to thank God for his Goodness. Letting them hear you pray. Teaching them by example."
Get in the habit of telling them Bible stories at bedtime. Let that motivate you to learn the Bible along with them. Your young children will ponder the power of God as they fall asleep.
References:
1. Texas Coalition for the Prevention of Child Abuse. 11940 Jollyville Road, #395N, Austin, TX 78759.
2. Gibson, Elaine. "Communication is more than words." Bryan-College Station Eagle. Oct. 21, 1990.
3. Brochure: Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
4. Institute for American Values. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York, NY: 2005:10-11.
5. Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. Harper. 1995:5.
6. Burns, Jim. Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality. Bethany House. 2008.
7. Stone, Dave. Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord. Thomas Nelson Co. 2012.
"Being a good parent today is a real challenge.
Here are some tips to help you create a loving relationship with your kids and still set and enforce the limits they need. 1.
* When children misbehave, let them know that you dislike what they did but not who they are.
* Rewarding good behavior is more effective than punishing misbehavior.
* Try to 'catch' your children being good. Be generous with your praise.
* Punishment should be used to help teach children about the consequences of their behavior...Never punish in anger.
* Setting a good example is the best way to teach your children how you want them to behave.
* Physical punishment teaches a child that hitting is okay.
* Words hurt. If you tell children they are stupid or lazy they will grow up believing that.
* Make it a habit to spend time together. For example, make bedtime into story time and read together."
Communication is More Than Words. 2.
There are five important goals in communicating with your children.
1. The first goal is to communicate "I love you.".
No one can do this like a parent. Children understand that we love them when we use more kind words than criticism, when we give them pats, smiles, and hugs and treat them with respect.
2. We need to communicate "You can talk to me and I will listen."
They understand this when we listen to their feelings without disapproval.
3. A third communication goal is "You are strong. I believe in your abilities."
When we encourage and support their efforts and celebrate their successes, even the small ones, they learn to have faith in their ability.
4. We need to communicate "You are responsible."
Children must learn to recognize the connection between their actions and their consequences. Protecting children from their mistakes will not build character.
5. We need to communicate, " I, your parent, am the boss. I care too much for you to allow you to misbehave. I will set limits and I expect you to listen to me."
Children will test the limits, but when they know where the limits are, they feel safe and secure.
Teach Your Children to Manage Money.
Teach them how to separate needs from wants,
how to save,
how to invest, and
how to share with others.
Allow them to manage money through an allowance or money earned from small jobs. Give them guidelines and allow them to make decisions.
Talk to Your Children About Alcohol and Drugs. 3.
* Make sure children understand the dangers and problems of alcohol and other drug use.
* Learn to really listen. Keep the lines of communication open.
* Help children develop strong values. This will give them the courage to make decisions based on facts rather than pressure.
* Be a good role model. Children are aware of their parent's habits.
* Help children deal with peer pressure. They may need skills to resist pressure from their friends.
* Set firm rules about drinking and other drug use. Family rules should be clear and consistent.
Marriage or Living Together - Does is Really Matter?
Living arrangements have changed dramatically. In 1970 1 million people lived together outside of marriage. By 2000 this number increased to 11 million. Some have no intention to get married. Others see living together as a trial marriage.
Children are born into these arrangements. Having a child is a lifetime commitment to support and care for this person throughout his or her life. Children deserve and need the love and support of both of their parents.
In planning for the well-being of children and family, it is important to consider all the information that will support a healthy lifestyle.
Conclusions from social science overwhelmingly show that a commitment to marriage: 4.
* increases the likelihood that both fathers and mothers have a good relationship with their children,
* reduces poverty and material hardship for women and children,
* is associated with lower rates of alcohol and substance abuse,
* is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness, and disability,
* reduces the risk of delinquent and criminal behavior, especially for boys,
* reduces the risk of child abuse,
* increases the ability of children to do well in school.
Including Dad in Parenting: Fathers are important too. 5.
With 40% of children now born out of wedlock, many men are failing to experience the important role of fatherhood and many children are growing up without a father for support, nurture and protection. An effective father supports and cares for his children's mother.
Fatherhood is the most important role for men because it helps them become pro social. Our schools, churches and community centers need to provide learning opportunities to help young men become responsible fathers for their families.
Teaching your Children Healthy Sexuality 6.
Healthy sexuality is about encouraging wholesome relationships and attitudes. The popular culture teaches that sex is about sexual desires. We want out children to have God-honoring attitudes about human sexuality. We should start conversations when our children are young.
For 3-5 year olds the theme is God created boys and girls and moms and dads and God wants us to honor Him with our bodies. We need to bring up personal safety issues and what is proper and inappropriate touch from others.
Ages 6-9 is a stage when kids are curious. Answer their question "Where do babies come from?" Introduce basic anatomy and how God is a part of families.
The Purity Code is the important message for ages 10-13 with the message that our bodies are gifts from God to be used in obedience to Him. Address guy/girl relationships, pornography, cultural influences, peer pressure, modesty and flirting.
For ages 14-18 conversations take place on dating, setting standards, sexual abuse, how far is too far, respecting sexuality, drugs, alcohol, partying and sexual integrity decisions. No conversation should be off limits for parents.
Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord. 7.
Start Children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6.
"We can model true faith and continually pray that God will transform their hearts... The most powerful word is prayer...Praying with your children and for them. Praying in times of crisis and moments of celebration. Praying for no reason at all other than to thank God for his Goodness. Letting them hear you pray. Teaching them by example."
Get in the habit of telling them Bible stories at bedtime. Let that motivate you to learn the Bible along with them. Your young children will ponder the power of God as they fall asleep.
References:
1. Texas Coalition for the Prevention of Child Abuse. 11940 Jollyville Road, #395N, Austin, TX 78759.
2. Gibson, Elaine. "Communication is more than words." Bryan-College Station Eagle. Oct. 21, 1990.
3. Brochure: Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
4. Institute for American Values. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York, NY: 2005:10-11.
5. Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. Harper. 1995:5.
6. Burns, Jim. Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality. Bethany House. 2008.
7. Stone, Dave. Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord. Thomas Nelson Co. 2012.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 3. Wise Money Management
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60- minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
Finances, Feelings and Relationships. (1)
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families.
- In a survey of newlyweds, money ranked 2 out of 14 areas of disagreement.
- Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce.
- The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases.
The way money is spent in families is related to feelings people have about what is expected. Family members struggle to obtain family money resources for their own activities and interests.
Family relationships require commitment, understanding, cooperation and concern for the feelings and welfare of all members of the family.
Problems develop when money decisions create distance and resentment.
Example 1. "No, I do not want to see your hang glider. Nor do I want to watch you hang gliding. That money was supposed to be used for a family vacation."
Example 2. "What do you mean 'sell that old hutch'. That hutch belonged to my great-grandmother. If you really loved me you'd know how much it mean to me."
In our materialistic culture we often find ourselves using people and loving things. The spirit of charity instructs us to love people and use things.
When a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each family member, relationships crumble and families often come apart.
Manage Your Money Wisely
Know what your income is and how much money is coming in. Spend less!
Learn the difference between what you need and what you want.
Consider you present needs and your future needs,
Including a home or apartment:
life, health and disability insurance to protect loved ones;
and retirement.
Is Money your master or your servant? (2)
Money may be your master if...
* You avoid discussing finances with your partner,
* Money is the subject of family fights,
* You don't know how much is coming in,
* You don't know how much you spend,
* Your bills are bigger than you expect,
* You buy many items on credit,
* You only make minimum payment on credit cards,
* You often pay bills late,
* You are spending carelessly on things you don't need,
* You spend on things that are harmful to you,
* You often run out of money before the end of the month ,
* You do not save money for future expenses,
* You suffer stress related to money.
Plan ahead for those expenses that only come due once or twice a year.
Put money in savings during the year to be prepared:
* property taxes,
* Insurance,
* car registration, car insurance,
* tuition fees,
* vacations,
* holiday celebrations,
* birthdays,
* etc.
Money Maxims (3)
* Money problems are usually behavior problems.
* If you spend your money on something you value, you feel satisfied. If you spend money on something you do not value, you feel frustrated.
* The values of an individual should never be equated with the person's net worth.
* Be grateful for what you have. Enough is enough.
* The best things in life are free.
* Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
* Plug the holes where money disappears without knowing where it went.
* That person is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
* Money can't buy love. It is better to have love with no money than to have money with no love.
Getting Out of Debt (4)
Accelerated Repayment:
Pay off the principal as quickly as possible to reduce the interest that is accumulating. When extra money is added to regular payments the extra money goes to paying off the principal.
The Fold-down Plan:
This plan involves paying off one debt and then using the amount you had been paying to that debt to pay off another debt (until all are paid).
Ways to Lower Your Utility Bill!
The appliances that create heat or remove heat use the most watts. So use less of them. Use fans or ceiling fans instead of the air conditioner. Using fans with AC allows you to raise the temperature 5 degrees. Wash laundry in cold water. Dry your clothes on a clothesline in the sun. Wash dishes by hand. Pay your bills on time to avoid disconnect fees!
THOUGHTS TO PONDER
What do you value the most? (your highest priorities)
How is your money being spent? (Is your money supporting your priorities?)
What behavior problems are leading to money problems?
What holes need to be plugged where money disappears?
At what points have you failed to consider the feelings of others in your family in regard to how the money is spent?
The Godliness of Contentment
There is great gain in godliness with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world; but if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content.
Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is the root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced their hearts with many pangs.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be yours as well.
Matthews 6:23.
References:
1. Bernard E. Poduska. For Love and Money. Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
2. Awake magazine, "Is Money Your Master or your servant". March 2009. Page 4.
3. Bernard E. Poduska, Ibid
4. Ibid
Finances, Feelings and Relationships. (1)
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families.
- In a survey of newlyweds, money ranked 2 out of 14 areas of disagreement.
- Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce.
- The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases.
The way money is spent in families is related to feelings people have about what is expected. Family members struggle to obtain family money resources for their own activities and interests.
Family relationships require commitment, understanding, cooperation and concern for the feelings and welfare of all members of the family.
Problems develop when money decisions create distance and resentment.
Example 1. "No, I do not want to see your hang glider. Nor do I want to watch you hang gliding. That money was supposed to be used for a family vacation."
Example 2. "What do you mean 'sell that old hutch'. That hutch belonged to my great-grandmother. If you really loved me you'd know how much it mean to me."
In our materialistic culture we often find ourselves using people and loving things. The spirit of charity instructs us to love people and use things.
When a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each family member, relationships crumble and families often come apart.
Manage Your Money Wisely
Know what your income is and how much money is coming in. Spend less!
Learn the difference between what you need and what you want.
Consider you present needs and your future needs,
Including a home or apartment:
life, health and disability insurance to protect loved ones;
and retirement.
Is Money your master or your servant? (2)
Money may be your master if...
* You avoid discussing finances with your partner,
* Money is the subject of family fights,
* You don't know how much is coming in,
* You don't know how much you spend,
* Your bills are bigger than you expect,
* You buy many items on credit,
* You only make minimum payment on credit cards,
* You often pay bills late,
* You are spending carelessly on things you don't need,
* You spend on things that are harmful to you,
* You often run out of money before the end of the month ,
* You do not save money for future expenses,
* You suffer stress related to money.
Plan ahead for those expenses that only come due once or twice a year.
Put money in savings during the year to be prepared:
* property taxes,
* Insurance,
* car registration, car insurance,
* tuition fees,
* vacations,
* holiday celebrations,
* birthdays,
* etc.
Money Maxims (3)
* Money problems are usually behavior problems.
* If you spend your money on something you value, you feel satisfied. If you spend money on something you do not value, you feel frustrated.
* The values of an individual should never be equated with the person's net worth.
* Be grateful for what you have. Enough is enough.
* The best things in life are free.
* Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
* Plug the holes where money disappears without knowing where it went.
* That person is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
* Money can't buy love. It is better to have love with no money than to have money with no love.
Getting Out of Debt (4)
Accelerated Repayment:
Pay off the principal as quickly as possible to reduce the interest that is accumulating. When extra money is added to regular payments the extra money goes to paying off the principal.
The Fold-down Plan:
This plan involves paying off one debt and then using the amount you had been paying to that debt to pay off another debt (until all are paid).
Ways to Lower Your Utility Bill!
The appliances that create heat or remove heat use the most watts. So use less of them. Use fans or ceiling fans instead of the air conditioner. Using fans with AC allows you to raise the temperature 5 degrees. Wash laundry in cold water. Dry your clothes on a clothesline in the sun. Wash dishes by hand. Pay your bills on time to avoid disconnect fees!
THOUGHTS TO PONDER
What do you value the most? (your highest priorities)
How is your money being spent? (Is your money supporting your priorities?)
What behavior problems are leading to money problems?
What holes need to be plugged where money disappears?
At what points have you failed to consider the feelings of others in your family in regard to how the money is spent?
The Godliness of Contentment
There is great gain in godliness with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world; but if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content.
Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is the root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced their hearts with many pangs.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be yours as well.
Matthews 6:23.
References:
1. Bernard E. Poduska. For Love and Money. Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
2. Awake magazine, "Is Money Your Master or your servant". March 2009. Page 4.
3. Bernard E. Poduska, Ibid
4. Ibid
Friday, February 26, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 2. Solving Conflicts Constructively
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
Accepting Conflict
Conflict is natural!
If people live together, they will experience conflict.
Each family member is a different person, and each family member has a God-given need to protect their uniqueness. (1)
Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs and needs. Conflict is something to be resolved, not something to be avoided. Unresolved conflicts are like weeds that spread rapidly and crowd out the flowers.
Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Conflict within families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences.
Fights Anger Resentment Quarrels
Each human being is programmed for survival.
When we feel that our God-given uniqueness is threatened, we feel an impulse to attack the threat (or run and flee).
Conflict in families leads to fear:
* fear of being emotionally wounded,
* fear of losing our loved ones,
* fear of having our weaknesses exposed,
* fear of not being considered,
* fear of not being respected.
When family members feel threatened, we must create a sense of safety.
Ground Rules for Conflict
Conflict resolution requires working together:
*listening, *sharing, *caring, * and fighting fairly (2).
1. Don't try to win. Make it a win-win situation.
Look for a solution where everyone feels OK.
2. Find a way to de-escalate.
Researchers have found that one negative comment requires five counteracting comments.
Agree on a time-out gesture which says, "I need a break".
The person calling for a time out is responsible for making a return appointment to finish the discussion.
3. Look for the positive.
Hurtful comments increase defensiveness.
4. Use what works!
5. Stop doing what doesn't work.
Avoid 'trigger words (lazy, fat, careless, stupid).
6. Keep the big picture in mind.
Don't let molehills become mountains.
7. It takes time.
Practice resolving minor issues. Resolve to do better.
Healing requires that both parties recognize what has occurred and work together to mend the damage.
Decide to Forgive. (3)
"For resentment is negative.
Resentment is poisonous.
Resentment diminishes and devours the self.
Be the first to forgive, To smile and to take the first step.
And you will see happiness bloom on the face of your human brother and sister.
Be always the first.
Do not wait for others to forgive
For by forgiving, You become the master of fate,
the fashioner of life,
the doers of miracles.
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
In return you will receive untold peace and happiness."
(Robert Muller)
Forgiveness is a Process!
Forgiveness is the first step in achieving inner peace.
Forgiveness is a decision to release someone from a debt.
You no longer feel like the person owes you, and you decide that you will not try to even the score. (4).
Forgiveness:
* takes a spirit of humility,
* requires hard work,
* needs time,
* requires an open spirit,
* involves a decision,
* and is a process.
How to apologize.
When you were the transgressor, an apology is appropriate. An apology must be followed by attitude and behavior changes which verify that the apology was sincere.
1. Confess honestly your wrongdoing and accept responsibility.
2. Offer no excuse and do not attempt to shift the blame.
3. Acknowledge the level of hurt and pain that you caused.
4. Verbalize your remorse and ask to be forgiven.
5. Demonstrate signs of repentance, such as changed attitudes and behaviors.
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
References.
1. Thomas A. Whiteman & Thomas G. Barlette. The Marriage Mender. Navpress. 1996.
2. Ibid. Chapter 8
3. Dear Abby - Monday, February 13, 1995.
4. Ibid. T. Whiteman & T. Barlette.. The Marriage Mender. Chapter 10
Accepting Conflict
Conflict is natural!
If people live together, they will experience conflict.
Each family member is a different person, and each family member has a God-given need to protect their uniqueness. (1)
Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs and needs. Conflict is something to be resolved, not something to be avoided. Unresolved conflicts are like weeds that spread rapidly and crowd out the flowers.
Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Conflict within families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences.
Fights Anger Resentment Quarrels
Each human being is programmed for survival.
When we feel that our God-given uniqueness is threatened, we feel an impulse to attack the threat (or run and flee).
Conflict in families leads to fear:
* fear of being emotionally wounded,
* fear of losing our loved ones,
* fear of having our weaknesses exposed,
* fear of not being considered,
* fear of not being respected.
When family members feel threatened, we must create a sense of safety.
Ground Rules for Conflict
Conflict resolution requires working together:
*listening, *sharing, *caring, * and fighting fairly (2).
1. Don't try to win. Make it a win-win situation.
Look for a solution where everyone feels OK.
2. Find a way to de-escalate.
Researchers have found that one negative comment requires five counteracting comments.
Agree on a time-out gesture which says, "I need a break".
The person calling for a time out is responsible for making a return appointment to finish the discussion.
3. Look for the positive.
Hurtful comments increase defensiveness.
4. Use what works!
5. Stop doing what doesn't work.
Avoid 'trigger words (lazy, fat, careless, stupid).
6. Keep the big picture in mind.
Don't let molehills become mountains.
7. It takes time.
Practice resolving minor issues. Resolve to do better.
Healing requires that both parties recognize what has occurred and work together to mend the damage.
Decide to Forgive. (3)
"For resentment is negative.
Resentment is poisonous.
Resentment diminishes and devours the self.
Be the first to forgive, To smile and to take the first step.
And you will see happiness bloom on the face of your human brother and sister.
Be always the first.
Do not wait for others to forgive
For by forgiving, You become the master of fate,
the fashioner of life,
the doers of miracles.
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
In return you will receive untold peace and happiness."
(Robert Muller)
Forgiveness is a Process!
Forgiveness is the first step in achieving inner peace.
Forgiveness is a decision to release someone from a debt.
You no longer feel like the person owes you, and you decide that you will not try to even the score. (4).
Forgiveness:
* takes a spirit of humility,
* requires hard work,
* needs time,
* requires an open spirit,
* involves a decision,
* and is a process.
How to apologize.
When you were the transgressor, an apology is appropriate. An apology must be followed by attitude and behavior changes which verify that the apology was sincere.
1. Confess honestly your wrongdoing and accept responsibility.
2. Offer no excuse and do not attempt to shift the blame.
3. Acknowledge the level of hurt and pain that you caused.
4. Verbalize your remorse and ask to be forgiven.
5. Demonstrate signs of repentance, such as changed attitudes and behaviors.
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
References.
1. Thomas A. Whiteman & Thomas G. Barlette. The Marriage Mender. Navpress. 1996.
2. Ibid. Chapter 8
3. Dear Abby - Monday, February 13, 1995.
4. Ibid. T. Whiteman & T. Barlette.. The Marriage Mender. Chapter 10
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 1. Skills of Listening and Communicating
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
"Communication is essential to the expression of love. Where there is love, there must be communication. Love inevitably expresses itself and moves out toward others. When communication breaks down, love is blocked. It's energy will turn to resentment and hostility." (Herein is Love. Reuel Howe)
In many families, the key to communication cannot be found. The doors to meaningful sharing are locked. Communication is the process of sharing yourself both verbally and non-verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are saying.
Listening, talking and understanding are all involved in communication. Constructive family communication is the result of a conscious decision deliberately made. Communication takes time, concern, and consideration.
The First duty of love is to listen. Hearing is passive; listening is active. Listening demands concentration...thinking with the other person. The following phrase is too often true; "You're hearing me, but you aren't listening to me." (Paul Tillich).
"It is impossible to overestimate the immense need people have to be really listened to. A person feels affirmed when they are thoughtfully listened to." (Paul Tournier).
Listening with both your ears and eyes is essential in communication, but listening doesn't come easily. Most of us want to talk and tell our side of the story. We need to listen more and talk less.
Family communication often becomes filled with emotional needs and struggles for power.
In messages involving feelings, psychologist Albert Mehrabian contends that non-verbal communication is the message that is heard. Think about what you are communicating through your:
Words (7%), Body language (55%- eye contact, gestures, facial expressions),Tone of voice (38%).
Misunderstandings and misinterpretations often occur.
There are actually six messages that can come through.
1. What you mean to say.
2. What you actually say.
3 What the other person hears.
4. What the other person thinks he hears.
5. What the other person says about what you said.
6. What you think the other person said about what you said. (1)
Barriers to Communication
Lack of time
Bad timing
Anger
Exaggeration
Poor choice of words
Mixed messages
Noise
Hearing problems
Unwillingness to listen to others
Self-centeredness
Lack of concern for others
Insecurity
Fear others will disagree
Words that hurt
Angry expressions
Too busy
Arrogance
Words have power. Chose them carefully.
Words can hurt, injure, anger and alienate.
Or they can heal, help, comfort and soothe.
Words that hurt and discourage.
What's the matter with you?
Why are you causing trouble?
Why don't you ever help?
You stupid idiot!
Can't you do one simple thing?
Is that the best you can do?
Words that heal and encourage.
That's great, I like that.
I appreciate what you do around here.
Could you please help me with this?
I'm proud of you.
Thank you for helping.
You're coming along. Keep at it.
Instead of "YOU" Statements (they place blame and create defensiveness)
-Why did you do that?, You are so careless!
use "I" Statements (they describe your feelings and create understanding.).
- I'm confused. I don't understand what you're doing. I'm afraid you're going to break something.
Avoid Buzz words and absolute terms.
Words such as 'always', 'never', and 'why didn't you' run up red flags.
- You never listen to me!
- You always interrupt me when I talk.
- Why didn't you finish that ?
Think of a thoughtful way to make a point.
- I feel left out when you don't include me in the conversation.
- When you finish your job we can play a game.
- When you interrupt me I lose track of what I'm saying.
Write it down!
The marriage weekend retreats called Marriage Encounter encourage writing thoughts and feelings about relationships and sharing them with your partner.
Writing helps to focus thoughts and crystallize feelings in a way that helps the writer and the receiver understand the problem better without being burdened with emotional expression or gestures.
The Family Realm is Unique.
It is within the family realm that the qualities of God's love are developed and shared. The family realm is the unique organization in which we become whole in our relationships.
Other organizations, including school, church, business or recreation, involve us only for a limited time with a focused involvement. We interact as a role person with role expectations.
It is within the family that we interact as a whole person with the emotions of a whole person. Many processes are occurring at once with a goal of permanent involvement and mutidimensional caregiving. It is within the family that we grow as a person of ultimate value.
Impart Grace to Those Who Hear. Speak the Truth in Love.
But speaking the truth in love, may you grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:15).
Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another...
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear.
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God...Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice,
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:25-32).
Reference:
1. H. Norman Wright. Communication: Key to your Marriage. Gospel Light, 1978:17).
"Communication is essential to the expression of love. Where there is love, there must be communication. Love inevitably expresses itself and moves out toward others. When communication breaks down, love is blocked. It's energy will turn to resentment and hostility." (Herein is Love. Reuel Howe)
In many families, the key to communication cannot be found. The doors to meaningful sharing are locked. Communication is the process of sharing yourself both verbally and non-verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are saying.
Listening, talking and understanding are all involved in communication. Constructive family communication is the result of a conscious decision deliberately made. Communication takes time, concern, and consideration.
The First duty of love is to listen. Hearing is passive; listening is active. Listening demands concentration...thinking with the other person. The following phrase is too often true; "You're hearing me, but you aren't listening to me." (Paul Tillich).
"It is impossible to overestimate the immense need people have to be really listened to. A person feels affirmed when they are thoughtfully listened to." (Paul Tournier).
Listening with both your ears and eyes is essential in communication, but listening doesn't come easily. Most of us want to talk and tell our side of the story. We need to listen more and talk less.
Family communication often becomes filled with emotional needs and struggles for power.
In messages involving feelings, psychologist Albert Mehrabian contends that non-verbal communication is the message that is heard. Think about what you are communicating through your:
Words (7%), Body language (55%- eye contact, gestures, facial expressions),Tone of voice (38%).
Misunderstandings and misinterpretations often occur.
There are actually six messages that can come through.
1. What you mean to say.
2. What you actually say.
3 What the other person hears.
4. What the other person thinks he hears.
5. What the other person says about what you said.
6. What you think the other person said about what you said. (1)
Barriers to Communication
Lack of time
Bad timing
Anger
Exaggeration
Poor choice of words
Mixed messages
Noise
Hearing problems
Unwillingness to listen to others
Self-centeredness
Lack of concern for others
Insecurity
Fear others will disagree
Words that hurt
Angry expressions
Too busy
Arrogance
Words have power. Chose them carefully.
Words can hurt, injure, anger and alienate.
Or they can heal, help, comfort and soothe.
Words that hurt and discourage.
What's the matter with you?
Why are you causing trouble?
Why don't you ever help?
You stupid idiot!
Can't you do one simple thing?
Is that the best you can do?
Words that heal and encourage.
That's great, I like that.
I appreciate what you do around here.
Could you please help me with this?
I'm proud of you.
Thank you for helping.
You're coming along. Keep at it.
Instead of "YOU" Statements (they place blame and create defensiveness)
-Why did you do that?, You are so careless!
use "I" Statements (they describe your feelings and create understanding.).
- I'm confused. I don't understand what you're doing. I'm afraid you're going to break something.
Avoid Buzz words and absolute terms.
Words such as 'always', 'never', and 'why didn't you' run up red flags.
- You never listen to me!
- You always interrupt me when I talk.
- Why didn't you finish that ?
Think of a thoughtful way to make a point.
- I feel left out when you don't include me in the conversation.
- When you finish your job we can play a game.
- When you interrupt me I lose track of what I'm saying.
Write it down!
The marriage weekend retreats called Marriage Encounter encourage writing thoughts and feelings about relationships and sharing them with your partner.
Writing helps to focus thoughts and crystallize feelings in a way that helps the writer and the receiver understand the problem better without being burdened with emotional expression or gestures.
The Family Realm is Unique.
It is within the family realm that the qualities of God's love are developed and shared. The family realm is the unique organization in which we become whole in our relationships.
Other organizations, including school, church, business or recreation, involve us only for a limited time with a focused involvement. We interact as a role person with role expectations.
It is within the family that we interact as a whole person with the emotions of a whole person. Many processes are occurring at once with a goal of permanent involvement and mutidimensional caregiving. It is within the family that we grow as a person of ultimate value.
Impart Grace to Those Who Hear. Speak the Truth in Love.
But speaking the truth in love, may you grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:15).
Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another...
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear.
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God...Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice,
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:25-32).
Reference:
1. H. Norman Wright. Communication: Key to your Marriage. Gospel Light, 1978:17).
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