Including Dad in Parenting: Fathers are Important Too

With the increase in out of wedlock births and divorce many men are failing to experience the important role of fatherhood and many children are growing up without a father for support, nurture and protection.

"A good society celebrates the ideal of the man who puts his family first." 1.

However our society is moving in the opposite direction. Never before in our country have so many children grown up without a father to protect and guide them. A caring father has traditionally provided economic, educational, moral, social, and psychological support for his family.

Today many fathers have abandoned their children or have been left out of the family experience.

Single motherhood is a long, hard journey for both mother and children. Single mothers have less time for each child and little time for themselves.

Children living without a father are 7 times more likely to experience poverty.

Fathers are important in helping a child grow emotionally and socially. Girls without a father often experience difficulty in developing a realistic view of men. Boys without a father fail to have a role model for responsible ways to relate in society as a man. Friends and gangs become their role models. 2.

Research studies have found that more than 70% of juveniles in reform institutions come from fatherless homes.

Our schools, churches and community centers need to provide learning opportunities to turn young men into responsible fathers for the support of their families and community.

Some women prefer to raise their children alone because the father is abusive, destructive and overbearing with the family. The social welfare system generally ignores the role of young fathers. However, helping young men learn the responsible, nurturing, and supportive roles of fatherhood is an essential need for our communities.

Fatherhood is the most important role for men because it helps them become pro-social.

An effective father accepts and affirms his children and helps them to grow in responsible and positive ways. An effective father supports and cares for his children's mother.

References:

1. Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. Harper Perennial. 1995:5.

2. Gibbs, Nancy R. "Bringing Up Father." Time. Vol. 141, No.26. June 28, 1993:52-61.

Marriage or Living Together - Does It Really Matter?

Over the last several decades living arrangements have changed dramatically. In 1970 only 1 million opposite sex couples lived together outside of marriage. By 2007 this number had increased to 6.4 million. 1.

Living together without a marriage commitment has become a popular arrangement. Some have no intention to get married, enjoying the conveniences and freedom to leave if things aren't satisfactory. Others see living together as a trial marriage - to see 'how it goes'.

However, many children are born into these arrangements. Having a child is a lifetime commitment to support and care for this person throughout his or her lifetime. Children deserve and need the love and support of both a mother and a father.

Social science research studies overwhelmingly show marriage, rather than 'living together', as providing better support for men, women and children throughout their lives.

All relationships fall into troubled times. Marriage offers promised permanence and support 'in sickness and health, in plenty or want, till death do us part'. Marriage vows serve as glue that holds people together to support each other even in difficult times.

Marriage provides the best support for children during their years of growing and developing.

Marriage creates healthier individuals. People who are married and committed to helping each other through all the changing times of life are better off emotionally, physically, financially and vocationally than unmarried partners. Marriage partners are more likely to be faithful. 2.

Conclusions from social science research show that a commitment to marriage: 3.

* increases the likelihood that both fathers and mothers have good relationships with their children,

* reduces poverty and material hardship for women and children,

* is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness and disability,

* reduces the risk of delinquent and criminal behavior, especially for boys,

* reduces the risk of child abuse,

* increases the ability of children to do well in school.

In planning life arrangements for children and family well-being, it is important to consider all the information that will support a healthy lifestyle.

References:

1. Jayson, Sharon. "Census reports more unmarried couples living together". USA Today. 7/28/2008.

2. Warren, Dr. Neil Clark. "The Cohabitation Epidemic". Focus on the Family. June/July 2003:10-11.

3. Institute for American Values. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York:NY. 2005:10-11.