Keys To Loving Family Relationships

Loving relationships within the family lay a foundation for personal health and wellness. Families are a special way that love and healing are made manifest. The family is the unique organization in which we become whole in our relationships. This wholeness requires that we grow in the graces of faithfulness, patience, forgiveness and self-control. From these graces flow the joy and peace of connectedness and loving assurance.

Our modern culture emphasizes self-interest, but it is within the family that we accept others into our definition of self. Families are under stress today because social pressures that once held families together are weakened. We want our family to be a place of joy and happiness. It is up to us to make it happen.

We'll focus on four keys that will help to unlock loving relationships in our families:
* Positive communication;
* Conflict resolution;
* Money management;
* and Attitudes of gratefulness.

POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

Families provide for us a sense of companionship and completeness. Communication is essential for the expression of these relationships. When communication breaks down, love is blocked. Resentment and hostility replace companionship. Communication takes time. We need to clear our schedules of activities that keep us from communicating with each other.

In many families the key to communication cannot be found. The doors to meaningful discussions are locked. Communication involves talking, listening and understanding. Unfortunately we often are more inclined to talk about our own wants than to listen to the concerns of others. All people have an immense need to be truly listened to. Communication also requires that you share yourself verbally and non verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are sharing.

Thoughts to Ponder
1. Communication is to love what blood is to the body. When communication breaks down, love is blocked.
2. Words have power. Choose them carefully. Words can hurt, injure, and anger, or they can heal, help and comfort.
3. Research shows that tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures communicate even more effectively than words.
4. Do your words, facial expressions and body language encourage loving family relationship?

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Conflict is natural when people live together. Our creator has made each of us differently, and family members seek to protect their uniqueness. When we are threatened, we feel an impulse to attack. Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs and needs. We truly love the members of our family when we understand and appreciate the ways in which they are unique. Conflict in families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences. Conflicts are to be resolved, not avoided. Conflict resolution requires working together, listening, and caring. Make your family a place of safety through resolving conflict in a healthy way.

Ground rules for conflict
1. Realize that conflict is natural. People who live together will experience conflict.
2. Don't try to win. Make it a win-win solution where everyone feels OK.
3. Find a way to de-escalate. Look for the positive. Hurtful comments increase defensiveness.
4. Keep the big picture in mind. Don't let molehills become mountains.

MONEY MANAGEMENT

Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families. Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce. The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases. Problems develop when decisions about money create distance and resentment. Family members should feel that their needs and values are supported by the way in which family finances are spent.

The value of a family member should never be equated with the person's net worth. Family relationships can be destroyed if a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each other. Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.

Questions to ponder
1. Is your money being spent to support your priorities?
2. Are behavior problems leading to money problems?
3. What holes need to be plugged where money disappears without knowing where it went?
4. Have you considered the feelings of other family members in regard to how the family money is spent?

ATTITUDES OF GRATEFULNESS

Appreciating the people who live in our family is foundational to loving relationshilps. The dynamic that keeps a family happy is a positive attitude. We are trained in our culture to focus on the problems that need to be solved. We too often develop a negative attitude and resent the people in our family who aren't living up to our expectations. When we cling too tightly to expectations, we lose a sense of appreciation for the goodness in those around us. Often the best way to eliminate negative behaviors is to accentuate the positive ones.

Growing in gratitude
1. To create joy in your relationships, focus on what is admirable about the people in your family.
2. When family members do something good, say so! "Thank you" and "I like that" are powerful tools for good relationships.
3. Negative impasses will break down when a positive attitude replaces anger.
4. You can choose what to pay attention to. Focus on what is wonderful about the other person.

Loving relationships don't just happen. They are the result of a decision and commitment to grow in understanding amidst all the problems and concerns that family life presents throughout the years. You can turn the keys to loving family relationships.



REFERENCES:
* Poduska, Bernard E. For Love and Money: A Guide to Finances & Relationships.Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
* Ryan, M.J. Attitudes of Gratitude in Love: Creating More Joy in Your Relationship. NY: MJF Books. 2002.
* Whiteman, Thomas A., Ph.D. and Thomas G. Bartlett, Ph.D. The Marriage Mender: A Couple's Guide for Staying Together. Colorado Springs, CO:NAVPress.1996