Marriage Matters - Cohabitation Creates Unstable Lives for Children

While the divorce rate for couples with children has dropped almost to what it was before the "divorce revolution" in the 1970's, co-habitation has now become a bigger threat to the well-being of children than divorce. Cohabiting partners are more than twice as likely to break up, putting children at risk of unstable circumstances.

Since 1970 the number of Americans living together outside of marriage has increased twelvefold. Children are now more likely to have unmarried parents than even divorced ones, creating a growing risk for children. Forty-one percent of all births are now out-of-wedlock.

WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS

These concerns were published in August of 2011 in a report, "Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences." The report was co-sponsored by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Institute for American Values, whose mission is the strengthening of marriage and family life.

W Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, chaired the report which is co-authored by 18 family scholars from leading institutions. More than 250 journal articles on marriage and family were surveyed in forming the conclusions. Wilcox says, "We're moving into a pattern where we're seeing more instability, more adults moving in and out of the household in this relationship carousel."

Children at Risk

The report concludes that the children of cohabiting parents are at risk for a wide range of problems - drug use, depression, psychological problems, dropping out of high school, physical abuse and poverty. Children living in cohabiting households are three times more likely to be physically, sexually or emotionally abused compared to children in intact, biological married parents homes.

Cohabitation more harmful than divorce

Cohabitation is even more harmful to children than divorce, according to Elizabeth Marquardt, director of the Center for Marriage & Families at the Institute for American Values. She is a child of divorce and knows the pain involved in not having a father at home, but Marquardt says that "children of divorce are the lucky ones". She contends that divorce is an institution. It has norms. But cohabitation has no norms. "We can't describe what is happening or what happened... In cohabitation a child's mother and father are not able to form a bond. We don't have names for all of this." There are no norms, rituals or roles that bring stability to the relationships as there is in marriage.

Cohabitation carries with it a breakdown in responsibility and authority. There is no clarity as to the lines of responsibility and authority. Children don't know who is responsible and who will be there to help them.

Cultural shifts lead to retreat from marriage

Cultural shifts are outlined as the most significant factors in the retreat from marriage. The culture has shifted toward a short term, hedonistic focus with the goal of immediate gratification.

Amy L. Wax, Robert Mundheim Professor of Law at the University of Pennsylvania Law School, agrees that the most important causative factors of changing behaviors are cultural not economic concerns. She contends that the demoralization of sexuality and the deregulation of the family that began in the 1960's led to a divergence in class and race in regard to family relationships. While educated whites generally lived traditional lives, minorities, low income and those less educated were hit hard by the demoralization of sexuality.

Wax says that people need guidelines to focus their lives. It used to be that being an adult meant establishing a household. We taught that there are steps we need to take to get from here to there. Now the elite movement toward 'anything goes' and the 'celebration of diversity' contends that we dare not make judgments. They argue that you can't expect the working class to get married.

Cohabitation moves into the Middle Class

Out-of-wedlock births have previously been primarily among the poor, but high school educated whites are now as likely to have children out of marriage. The demoralization of sexuality is moving into the middle class at a rapid pace. Wilcox notes that "family instability is on the rise for American children as a whole."

Why Marriage Matters - Three Conclusions

The authors presenting the new data offer three conclusions regarding marriage and families in America today.

1. The intact, biological, married family remains the gold standard for family life in the United States. Children are most likely to thrive - economically, socially and psychologically - in this family form.

2. Marriage is an important public good, associated with a range of economic, health, educational and safety benefits that help local, state and federal governments serve the public common good.

3. The benefits of marriage extend to poor, working-class and minority communities, despite the fact that marriage has weakened in these communities in the last four decades.

REFERENCES:

1. Marriage Matters - Conclusions from the Social Sciences.

By Press Release: August 16, 2011: University of Virginia - The National Marriage Project

http://www.newswise.com/articles/view/579647/?sc=rsin.

2. Institute for American Values.

Why Marriage Matters : Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences.

Why Marriage Matters, The Conversation -Conversation on Blip TV. August 24, 2011.

With Elizabeth Marquardt, Amy L. Wax and W. Bradford Wilcox.

"For the Beauty of the Earth" - Additional Verses

Retirement brings opportunities for involvement in new experiences of appreciation. Throughout his life my husband, Carl, has enjoyed singing and playing the beautiful hymns of the Christian faith.

Recently Carl has been inspired to write additional verses to the popular Hymn: "For the Beauty of the Earth."

The original text, published by Folliot S. Pierpoint in 1864, praises God for the beauty of the earth and skies, for the joy of ear and eye, for the joy of human love, and for the church "that evermore lifteth holy hands above". Each verse concludes with the response, "Lord of all to thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise."

Following are 8 verses that Carl has scripted to continue this antiphony of praise.

***********************

(Carl E. Coppock - July 2, 2011)

Each verse concludes with the refrain from the original hymn;

"Lord of all to thee we raise, This our hymn of grateful praise."

Verse 1.

For the beauty of the morn, Sunlight bright on dew adorns;

Glorious gift is this new day, Ours to use in some special way.

Refrain

Verse 2.

For the joy of night's good rest, A prize for which we're richly blest;

Restores, refreshes body and soul; A quest which always is our goal.

Refrain

Verse 3.

For the blessing of good health, Better far than fame or wealth;

Good health care and genes combine, To give this blessed gift divine.

Refrain

Verse 4.

For the blessing of the rain, Falls on hill and vale and plain;

Lakes and streams, trees, flowers and grass, All things living nourished at last.

Refrain

Verse 5.

For the beauty of the spring, Buds and blossoms, flowers it brings;

Red and yellow, pink and blue, All nature sings of life anew.

Refrain

Verse 6.

For the beauty of the Fall, Autumn's chill cools one and all;

Summer's heat has come and gone, Thanksgiving soon will bid us call.

Refrain

Verse 7.

For the beauty of the sun, Pours its warmth on everyone;

Source of light and source of life, Its radiant beams for our delight.

Refrain

Verse 8.

For the blessing of warm coats, They keep us warm, secure as toast;

Those we wear and those we share, Thankful always for Thy care.

Refrain

*****************

As the years go by I suspect Carl will continue to add verses of thankful praise for the blessings of life, and health and strength.

Including Dad in Parenting: Fathers are Important Too

With the increase in out of wedlock births and divorce many men are failing to experience the important role of fatherhood and many children are growing up without a father for support, nurture and protection.

"A good society celebrates the ideal of the man who puts his family first." 1.

However our society is moving in the opposite direction. Never before in our country have so many children grown up without a father to protect and guide them. A caring father has traditionally provided economic, educational, moral, social, and psychological support for his family.

Today many fathers have abandoned their children or have been left out of the family experience.

Single motherhood is a long, hard journey for both mother and children. Single mothers have less time for each child and little time for themselves.

Children living without a father are 7 times more likely to experience poverty.

Fathers are important in helping a child grow emotionally and socially. Girls without a father often experience difficulty in developing a realistic view of men. Boys without a father fail to have a role model for responsible ways to relate in society as a man. Friends and gangs become their role models. 2.

Research studies have found that more than 70% of juveniles in reform institutions come from fatherless homes.

Our schools, churches and community centers need to provide learning opportunities to turn young men into responsible fathers for the support of their families and community.

Some women prefer to raise their children alone because the father is abusive, destructive and overbearing with the family. The social welfare system generally ignores the role of young fathers. However, helping young men learn the responsible, nurturing, and supportive roles of fatherhood is an essential need for our communities.

Fatherhood is the most important role for men because it helps them become pro-social.

An effective father accepts and affirms his children and helps them to grow in responsible and positive ways. An effective father supports and cares for his children's mother.

References:

1. Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. Harper Perennial. 1995:5.

2. Gibbs, Nancy R. "Bringing Up Father." Time. Vol. 141, No.26. June 28, 1993:52-61.

Marriage or Living Together - Does It Really Matter?

Over the last several decades living arrangements have changed dramatically. In 1970 only 1 million opposite sex couples lived together outside of marriage. By 2007 this number had increased to 6.4 million. 1.

Living together without a marriage commitment has become a popular arrangement. Some have no intention to get married, enjoying the conveniences and freedom to leave if things aren't satisfactory. Others see living together as a trial marriage - to see 'how it goes'.

However, many children are born into these arrangements. Having a child is a lifetime commitment to support and care for this person throughout his or her lifetime. Children deserve and need the love and support of both a mother and a father.

Social science research studies overwhelmingly show marriage, rather than 'living together', as providing better support for men, women and children throughout their lives.

All relationships fall into troubled times. Marriage offers promised permanence and support 'in sickness and health, in plenty or want, till death do us part'. Marriage vows serve as glue that holds people together to support each other even in difficult times.

Marriage provides the best support for children during their years of growing and developing.

Marriage creates healthier individuals. People who are married and committed to helping each other through all the changing times of life are better off emotionally, physically, financially and vocationally than unmarried partners. Marriage partners are more likely to be faithful. 2.

Conclusions from social science research show that a commitment to marriage: 3.

* increases the likelihood that both fathers and mothers have good relationships with their children,

* reduces poverty and material hardship for women and children,

* is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness and disability,

* reduces the risk of delinquent and criminal behavior, especially for boys,

* reduces the risk of child abuse,

* increases the ability of children to do well in school.

In planning life arrangements for children and family well-being, it is important to consider all the information that will support a healthy lifestyle.

References:

1. Jayson, Sharon. "Census reports more unmarried couples living together". USA Today. 7/28/2008.

2. Warren, Dr. Neil Clark. "The Cohabitation Epidemic". Focus on the Family. June/July 2003:10-11.

3. Institute for American Values. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York:NY. 2005:10-11.

Speak Out Against Pornography!

OFFENSIVE TO MANY!

Although obscenity and indecency are not protected by the First Amendment, in June of 1999 Forbes magazine contended that the mainstreaming of pornography had developed into a $56 billion business. Pornography is profitable to an extensive network of people. 1.

However, what benefits some is offensive and harmful to many. Criminal Justice statistics document that in 1996, 38 percent of Americans thought pornography should be illegal for everyone, and 58 percent thought it should be illegal for persons under eighteen. 2.

SPEAK OUT!

Citizens are encouraged to speak out to protest obscenity in our culture by:

* writing letters to the editors of the local paper to express concern,

* writing to elected officials to actively prosecute obscenity, and

* writing letters of complaint to businesses that distribute or advertise pornography.

SAMPLE LETTER (or write your own)

Dear Owner/Managers

While shopping in your store recently I noticed that you sell pornographic magazines. Please consider the harm such materials have on children's lives, our families and our community.

Statistics show that the largest consumers of pornography are children ages 12 to 17 - formative years of a young person's emotional and sexual development.

Young people are being drawn into early and promiscuous sexual behaviors. Addictions are created that harm healthy relationships and tear apart marriages and families.

* The Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease, often leading to cancer or infertility.

* Since 1973, more than 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S.

- over 80% to unmarried women, 52% to women younger than 25 years of age, 19% to teens.

* 40% of births are now out-of-wedlock births.

* Out-0f-wedlock births and the increase in divorce leaves many men out of the important role of fatherhood and leaves children without a father for guidance and support.

* Children born to unwed mothers are six times more likely to live in poverty.

* Pornography is used by predators to lure children and young women into abuse and prostitution.

* Rapists and serial killers repeatedly identify pornography as a formative factor in their behaviors.

You have no obligation to sell pornography. This is not a matter of censorship. It is a matter of good citizenship and responsible choice as to what is appropriate material to be placed in a store where families shop.

Please consider replacing these materials with something more responsible. I'm sure many people in the community would support you in this decision.

I look forward to hearing from you in regard to this concern.

Sincerely,

(Sign your name)

*************************

If polite letters are not effective, pressure on elected officials to support legislation actively prosecuting obscenity and indecency in the community and media would be appropriate and necessary.

Our children and grandchildren should not be burdened by the immense moral burden that is being passed on to them by our careless abandonment of foundational personal and social values.

References:

1. Thomas, Cal. "Selling out a heritage; AT&T becomes a top provider of pornography."

World magazine. Vol. 15, No.25 (June 24) 2000:31.

2. Henslin, James M. Social Problems. 5th Ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ:Prentice-Hall. 2000:75-81

3.American Family Association. A Guide to What One Person Can Do About Pornography.

www.afa.net/pornography/PornGuide.pdf. pg. 41-45.

Speak Out Against Pornography!

OFFENSIVE TO MANY!

Although obscenity and indecency are not protected by the First Amendment, in June of 1999 Forbes magazine contended that the mainstreaming of pornography had developed into a $56 billion business. Pornography is profitable to an extensive network of people. 1.

However, what benefits some is offensive and harmful to many. Criminal Justice statistics document that in 1996, 38 percent of Americans thought pornography should be illegal for everyone, and 58 percent thought it should be illegal for persons under eighteen. 2.

SPEAK OUT!

Citizens are encouraged to speak out to protest obscenity in our culture by:

* writing letters to the editors of the local paper to express concern,

* writing to elected officials to actively prosecute obscenity, and

* writing letters of complaint to businesses that distribute or advertise pornography.

SAMPLE LETTER (or write your own)

Dear Owner/Managers

While shopping in your store recently I noticed that you sell pornographic magazines. Please consider the harm such materials have on children's lives, our families and our community.

Statistics show that the largest consumers of pornography are children ages 12 to 17 - formative years of a young person's emotional and sexual development.

Young people are being drawn into early and promiscuous sexual behaviors. Addictions are created that harm healthy relationships and tear apart marriages and families.

* The Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease, often leading to cancer or infertility.

* Since 1973, more than 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S.

- over 80% to unmarried women, 52% to women younger than 25 years of age, 19% to teens.

* 40% of births are now out-of-wedlock births.

* Out-0f-wedlock births and the increase in divorce leaves many men out of the important role of fatherhood and leaves children without a father for guidance and support.

* Children born to unwed mothers are six times more likely to live in poverty.

* Pornography is used by predators to lure children and young women into abuse and prostitution.

* Rapists and serial killers repeatedly identify pornography as a formative factor in their behaviors.

You have no obligation to sell pornography. This is not a matter of censorship. It is a matter of good citizenship and responsible choice as to what is appropriate material to be placed in a store where families shop.

Please consider replacing these materials with something more responsible. I'm sure many people in the community would support you in this decision.

I look forward to hearing from you in regard to this concern.

Sincerely,

(Sign your name)

*************************

If polite letters are not effective, pressure on elected officials to support legislation actively prosecuting obscenity and indecency in the community and media would be appropriate and necessary.

Our children and grandchildren should not be burdened by the immense moral burden that is being passed on to them by our careless abandonment of foundational personal and social values.

References:

1. Thomas, Cal. "Selling out a heritage; AT&T becomes a top provider of pornography."

World magazine. Vol. 15, No.25 (June 24) 2000:31.

2. Henslin, James M. Social Problems. 5th Ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ:Prentice-Hall. 2000:75-81

3.American Family Association. A Guide to What One Person Can Do About Pornography.

www.afa.net/pornography/PornGuide.pdf. pg. 41-45.

Pornography and Sex Trafficking: The Rape of Our Children - What Can Be Done?

THE TRAGEDY OF SEX TRAFFICKING

Sex trafficking (sex slavery) has become BIG BUSINESS in our country. "The FBI estimates that more than 100,00 children and young women ages 9-19 are trafficked for sexual profit in the United States. The average age of entry into the sex trade is 11 to 13 years old." 1. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children estimates that 300,000 minors are at risk of being sexually exploited for commercial use. 2.

Recently the San Antonio Express News reported that a 13 year old girl in San Antonio had been "tied up and raped day after day by random men". Brothers who were supplying drugs in their neighborhood allowed men to rape her for 25$ extra. (12/8/10; 12/9/10:2B)

Tanya was a 12 year old girl when she accepted a ride home from an older boy who befriended her. Her life changed forever when he physically beat her to establish his 'ownership' and then prostituted her out to over 100 men per month. 3.

PORNOGRAPHY LIGHTS THE FIRE.

Pornography is fuel that fires the demand for this tragic market.

Without the demand, there would be no sex market and no sex slavery.

Before the 1950's, porn was sold undercover from the trunks of cars. In 1953 Playboy brought it into living rooms. The portrayal of children as sexual objects was promoted by Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler, which regularly depicted children in sexual scenarios. 4.

Pornography now brings in more $$$ than all the sports franchises combined!

NOT PROTECTED SPEECH

In 1957, the U.S. Supreme Court declared that prurient representations (images presenting immoderate or unwholesome sexual interest or desire) are not protected by the First Amendment.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO COMBAT PORNOGRAPHY.

* Write letters of complaint to businesses that distribute or advertise pornography.

* Write letters to the editor of the local paper to express concern.

* Write letters to your U.S. Attorney and State Prosecutor, Senators and Representatives asking them to support legislation to actively prosecute obscenity in the media and to strengthen penalties for human traffickers.

* Ask religious leaders to address pornography as a spiritual problem.

* Support organizations that are speaking to these concerns, including:

- The American Family Association

- Citizens for Community Values

- Concerned Women for America

- Covenant House

- Morality in Media, Inc.

- Shared Hope International

- The Parents Television Council

SPEAK OUT!

Obscenity is defined by community standards which are determined by people who speak out.

+ To protect the well-being of our culture, our children, and our families, concerned people need to take a stand for decency in our cultural depictions of sexuality.

References:

1. Vincent, Lynn. World. April 19/26, 2008. Vol. 23, No. 8. pg.57.

2. International Crisis Aid. www.crisisaid.org. pg. 1

3. James, Teddy. "The New Abolitionists" AFA Journal. October, 2009:14.

4. Parillo, Vincent N. Contemporary Social Problems. Allyn and Bacon, Boston. 1999:105-109.