Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
"Being a good parent today is a real challenge.
Here are some tips to help you create a loving relationship with your kids and still set and enforce the limits they need. 1.
* When children misbehave, let them know that you dislike what they did but not who they are.
* Rewarding good behavior is more effective than punishing misbehavior.
* Try to 'catch' your children being good. Be generous with your praise.
* Punishment should be used to help teach children about the consequences of their behavior...Never punish in anger.
* Setting a good example is the best way to teach your children how you want them to behave.
* Physical punishment teaches a child that hitting is okay.
* Words hurt. If you tell children they are stupid or lazy they will grow up believing that.
* Make it a habit to spend time together. For example, make bedtime into story time and read together."
Communication is More Than Words. 2.
There are five important goals in communicating with your children.
1. The first goal is to communicate "I love you.".
No one can do this like a parent. Children understand that we love them when we use more kind words than criticism, when we give them pats, smiles, and hugs and treat them with respect.
2. We need to communicate "You can talk to me and I will listen."
They understand this when we listen to their feelings without disapproval.
3. A third communication goal is "You are strong. I believe in your abilities."
When we encourage and support their efforts and celebrate their successes, even the small ones, they learn to have faith in their ability.
4. We need to communicate "You are responsible."
Children must learn to recognize the connection between their actions and their consequences. Protecting children from their mistakes will not build character.
5. We need to communicate, " I, your parent, am the boss. I care too much for you to allow you to misbehave. I will set limits and I expect you to listen to me."
Children will test the limits, but when they know where the limits are, they feel safe and secure.
Teach Your Children to Manage Money.
Teach them how to separate needs from wants,
how to save,
how to invest, and
how to share with others.
Allow them to manage money through an allowance or money earned from small jobs. Give them guidelines and allow them to make decisions.
Talk to Your Children About Alcohol and Drugs. 3.
* Make sure children understand the dangers and problems of alcohol and other drug use.
* Learn to really listen. Keep the lines of communication open.
* Help children develop strong values. This will give them the courage to make decisions based on facts rather than pressure.
* Be a good role model. Children are aware of their parent's habits.
* Help children deal with peer pressure. They may need skills to resist pressure from their friends.
* Set firm rules about drinking and other drug use. Family rules should be clear and consistent.
Marriage or Living Together - Does is Really Matter?
Living arrangements have changed dramatically. In 1970 1 million people lived together outside of marriage. By 2000 this number increased to 11 million. Some have no intention to get married. Others see living together as a trial marriage.
Children are born into these arrangements. Having a child is a lifetime commitment to support and care for this person throughout his or her life. Children deserve and need the love and support of both of their parents.
In planning for the well-being of children and family, it is important to consider all the information that will support a healthy lifestyle.
Conclusions from social science overwhelmingly show that a commitment to marriage: 4.
* increases the likelihood that both fathers and mothers have a good relationship with their children,
* reduces poverty and material hardship for women and children,
* is associated with lower rates of alcohol and substance abuse,
* is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness, and disability,
* reduces the risk of delinquent and criminal behavior, especially for boys,
* reduces the risk of child abuse,
* increases the ability of children to do well in school.
Including Dad in Parenting: Fathers are important too. 5.
With 40% of children now born out of wedlock, many men are failing to experience the important role of fatherhood and many children are growing up without a father for support, nurture and protection. An effective father supports and cares for his children's mother.
Fatherhood is the most important role for men because it helps them become pro social. Our schools, churches and community centers need to provide learning opportunities to help young men become responsible fathers for their families.
Teaching your Children Healthy Sexuality 6.
Healthy sexuality is about encouraging wholesome relationships and attitudes. The popular culture teaches that sex is about sexual desires. We want out children to have God-honoring attitudes about human sexuality. We should start conversations when our children are young.
For 3-5 year olds the theme is God created boys and girls and moms and dads and God wants us to honor Him with our bodies. We need to bring up personal safety issues and what is proper and inappropriate touch from others.
Ages 6-9 is a stage when kids are curious. Answer their question "Where do babies come from?" Introduce basic anatomy and how God is a part of families.
The Purity Code is the important message for ages 10-13 with the message that our bodies are gifts from God to be used in obedience to Him. Address guy/girl relationships, pornography, cultural influences, peer pressure, modesty and flirting.
For ages 14-18 conversations take place on dating, setting standards, sexual abuse, how far is too far, respecting sexuality, drugs, alcohol, partying and sexual integrity decisions. No conversation should be off limits for parents.
Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord. 7.
Start Children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6.
"We can model true faith and continually pray that God will transform their hearts... The most powerful word is prayer...Praying with your children and for them. Praying in times of crisis and moments of celebration. Praying for no reason at all other than to thank God for his Goodness. Letting them hear you pray. Teaching them by example."
Get in the habit of telling them Bible stories at bedtime. Let that motivate you to learn the Bible along with them. Your young children will ponder the power of God as they fall asleep.
References:
1. Texas Coalition for the Prevention of Child Abuse. 11940 Jollyville Road, #395N, Austin, TX 78759.
2. Gibson, Elaine. "Communication is more than words." Bryan-College Station Eagle. Oct. 21, 1990.
3. Brochure: Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
4. Institute for American Values. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York, NY: 2005:10-11.
5. Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. Harper. 1995:5.
6. Burns, Jim. Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality. Bethany House. 2008.
7. Stone, Dave. Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord. Thomas Nelson Co. 2012.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Friday, March 4, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 3. Wise Money Management
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60- minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
Finances, Feelings and Relationships. (1)
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families.
- In a survey of newlyweds, money ranked 2 out of 14 areas of disagreement.
- Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce.
- The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases.
The way money is spent in families is related to feelings people have about what is expected. Family members struggle to obtain family money resources for their own activities and interests.
Family relationships require commitment, understanding, cooperation and concern for the feelings and welfare of all members of the family.
Problems develop when money decisions create distance and resentment.
Example 1. "No, I do not want to see your hang glider. Nor do I want to watch you hang gliding. That money was supposed to be used for a family vacation."
Example 2. "What do you mean 'sell that old hutch'. That hutch belonged to my great-grandmother. If you really loved me you'd know how much it mean to me."
In our materialistic culture we often find ourselves using people and loving things. The spirit of charity instructs us to love people and use things.
When a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each family member, relationships crumble and families often come apart.
Manage Your Money Wisely
Know what your income is and how much money is coming in. Spend less!
Learn the difference between what you need and what you want.
Consider you present needs and your future needs,
Including a home or apartment:
life, health and disability insurance to protect loved ones;
and retirement.
Is Money your master or your servant? (2)
Money may be your master if...
* You avoid discussing finances with your partner,
* Money is the subject of family fights,
* You don't know how much is coming in,
* You don't know how much you spend,
* Your bills are bigger than you expect,
* You buy many items on credit,
* You only make minimum payment on credit cards,
* You often pay bills late,
* You are spending carelessly on things you don't need,
* You spend on things that are harmful to you,
* You often run out of money before the end of the month ,
* You do not save money for future expenses,
* You suffer stress related to money.
Plan ahead for those expenses that only come due once or twice a year.
Put money in savings during the year to be prepared:
* property taxes,
* Insurance,
* car registration, car insurance,
* tuition fees,
* vacations,
* holiday celebrations,
* birthdays,
* etc.
Money Maxims (3)
* Money problems are usually behavior problems.
* If you spend your money on something you value, you feel satisfied. If you spend money on something you do not value, you feel frustrated.
* The values of an individual should never be equated with the person's net worth.
* Be grateful for what you have. Enough is enough.
* The best things in life are free.
* Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
* Plug the holes where money disappears without knowing where it went.
* That person is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
* Money can't buy love. It is better to have love with no money than to have money with no love.
Getting Out of Debt (4)
Accelerated Repayment:
Pay off the principal as quickly as possible to reduce the interest that is accumulating. When extra money is added to regular payments the extra money goes to paying off the principal.
The Fold-down Plan:
This plan involves paying off one debt and then using the amount you had been paying to that debt to pay off another debt (until all are paid).
Ways to Lower Your Utility Bill!
The appliances that create heat or remove heat use the most watts. So use less of them. Use fans or ceiling fans instead of the air conditioner. Using fans with AC allows you to raise the temperature 5 degrees. Wash laundry in cold water. Dry your clothes on a clothesline in the sun. Wash dishes by hand. Pay your bills on time to avoid disconnect fees!
THOUGHTS TO PONDER
What do you value the most? (your highest priorities)
How is your money being spent? (Is your money supporting your priorities?)
What behavior problems are leading to money problems?
What holes need to be plugged where money disappears?
At what points have you failed to consider the feelings of others in your family in regard to how the money is spent?
The Godliness of Contentment
There is great gain in godliness with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world; but if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content.
Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is the root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced their hearts with many pangs.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be yours as well.
Matthews 6:23.
References:
1. Bernard E. Poduska. For Love and Money. Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
2. Awake magazine, "Is Money Your Master or your servant". March 2009. Page 4.
3. Bernard E. Poduska, Ibid
4. Ibid
Finances, Feelings and Relationships. (1)
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families.
- In a survey of newlyweds, money ranked 2 out of 14 areas of disagreement.
- Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce.
- The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases.
The way money is spent in families is related to feelings people have about what is expected. Family members struggle to obtain family money resources for their own activities and interests.
Family relationships require commitment, understanding, cooperation and concern for the feelings and welfare of all members of the family.
Problems develop when money decisions create distance and resentment.
Example 1. "No, I do not want to see your hang glider. Nor do I want to watch you hang gliding. That money was supposed to be used for a family vacation."
Example 2. "What do you mean 'sell that old hutch'. That hutch belonged to my great-grandmother. If you really loved me you'd know how much it mean to me."
In our materialistic culture we often find ourselves using people and loving things. The spirit of charity instructs us to love people and use things.
When a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each family member, relationships crumble and families often come apart.
Manage Your Money Wisely
Know what your income is and how much money is coming in. Spend less!
Learn the difference between what you need and what you want.
Consider you present needs and your future needs,
Including a home or apartment:
life, health and disability insurance to protect loved ones;
and retirement.
Is Money your master or your servant? (2)
Money may be your master if...
* You avoid discussing finances with your partner,
* Money is the subject of family fights,
* You don't know how much is coming in,
* You don't know how much you spend,
* Your bills are bigger than you expect,
* You buy many items on credit,
* You only make minimum payment on credit cards,
* You often pay bills late,
* You are spending carelessly on things you don't need,
* You spend on things that are harmful to you,
* You often run out of money before the end of the month ,
* You do not save money for future expenses,
* You suffer stress related to money.
Plan ahead for those expenses that only come due once or twice a year.
Put money in savings during the year to be prepared:
* property taxes,
* Insurance,
* car registration, car insurance,
* tuition fees,
* vacations,
* holiday celebrations,
* birthdays,
* etc.
Money Maxims (3)
* Money problems are usually behavior problems.
* If you spend your money on something you value, you feel satisfied. If you spend money on something you do not value, you feel frustrated.
* The values of an individual should never be equated with the person's net worth.
* Be grateful for what you have. Enough is enough.
* The best things in life are free.
* Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
* Plug the holes where money disappears without knowing where it went.
* That person is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
* Money can't buy love. It is better to have love with no money than to have money with no love.
Getting Out of Debt (4)
Accelerated Repayment:
Pay off the principal as quickly as possible to reduce the interest that is accumulating. When extra money is added to regular payments the extra money goes to paying off the principal.
The Fold-down Plan:
This plan involves paying off one debt and then using the amount you had been paying to that debt to pay off another debt (until all are paid).
Ways to Lower Your Utility Bill!
The appliances that create heat or remove heat use the most watts. So use less of them. Use fans or ceiling fans instead of the air conditioner. Using fans with AC allows you to raise the temperature 5 degrees. Wash laundry in cold water. Dry your clothes on a clothesline in the sun. Wash dishes by hand. Pay your bills on time to avoid disconnect fees!
THOUGHTS TO PONDER
What do you value the most? (your highest priorities)
How is your money being spent? (Is your money supporting your priorities?)
What behavior problems are leading to money problems?
What holes need to be plugged where money disappears?
At what points have you failed to consider the feelings of others in your family in regard to how the money is spent?
The Godliness of Contentment
There is great gain in godliness with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world; but if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content.
Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is the root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced their hearts with many pangs.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be yours as well.
Matthews 6:23.
References:
1. Bernard E. Poduska. For Love and Money. Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
2. Awake magazine, "Is Money Your Master or your servant". March 2009. Page 4.
3. Bernard E. Poduska, Ibid
4. Ibid
Friday, February 26, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 2. Solving Conflicts Constructively
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
Accepting Conflict
Conflict is natural!
If people live together, they will experience conflict.
Each family member is a different person, and each family member has a God-given need to protect their uniqueness. (1)
Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs and needs. Conflict is something to be resolved, not something to be avoided. Unresolved conflicts are like weeds that spread rapidly and crowd out the flowers.
Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Conflict within families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences.
Fights Anger Resentment Quarrels
Each human being is programmed for survival.
When we feel that our God-given uniqueness is threatened, we feel an impulse to attack the threat (or run and flee).
Conflict in families leads to fear:
* fear of being emotionally wounded,
* fear of losing our loved ones,
* fear of having our weaknesses exposed,
* fear of not being considered,
* fear of not being respected.
When family members feel threatened, we must create a sense of safety.
Ground Rules for Conflict
Conflict resolution requires working together:
*listening, *sharing, *caring, * and fighting fairly (2).
1. Don't try to win. Make it a win-win situation.
Look for a solution where everyone feels OK.
2. Find a way to de-escalate.
Researchers have found that one negative comment requires five counteracting comments.
Agree on a time-out gesture which says, "I need a break".
The person calling for a time out is responsible for making a return appointment to finish the discussion.
3. Look for the positive.
Hurtful comments increase defensiveness.
4. Use what works!
5. Stop doing what doesn't work.
Avoid 'trigger words (lazy, fat, careless, stupid).
6. Keep the big picture in mind.
Don't let molehills become mountains.
7. It takes time.
Practice resolving minor issues. Resolve to do better.
Healing requires that both parties recognize what has occurred and work together to mend the damage.
Decide to Forgive. (3)
"For resentment is negative.
Resentment is poisonous.
Resentment diminishes and devours the self.
Be the first to forgive, To smile and to take the first step.
And you will see happiness bloom on the face of your human brother and sister.
Be always the first.
Do not wait for others to forgive
For by forgiving, You become the master of fate,
the fashioner of life,
the doers of miracles.
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
In return you will receive untold peace and happiness."
(Robert Muller)
Forgiveness is a Process!
Forgiveness is the first step in achieving inner peace.
Forgiveness is a decision to release someone from a debt.
You no longer feel like the person owes you, and you decide that you will not try to even the score. (4).
Forgiveness:
* takes a spirit of humility,
* requires hard work,
* needs time,
* requires an open spirit,
* involves a decision,
* and is a process.
How to apologize.
When you were the transgressor, an apology is appropriate. An apology must be followed by attitude and behavior changes which verify that the apology was sincere.
1. Confess honestly your wrongdoing and accept responsibility.
2. Offer no excuse and do not attempt to shift the blame.
3. Acknowledge the level of hurt and pain that you caused.
4. Verbalize your remorse and ask to be forgiven.
5. Demonstrate signs of repentance, such as changed attitudes and behaviors.
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
References.
1. Thomas A. Whiteman & Thomas G. Barlette. The Marriage Mender. Navpress. 1996.
2. Ibid. Chapter 8
3. Dear Abby - Monday, February 13, 1995.
4. Ibid. T. Whiteman & T. Barlette.. The Marriage Mender. Chapter 10
Accepting Conflict
Conflict is natural!
If people live together, they will experience conflict.
Each family member is a different person, and each family member has a God-given need to protect their uniqueness. (1)
Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs and needs. Conflict is something to be resolved, not something to be avoided. Unresolved conflicts are like weeds that spread rapidly and crowd out the flowers.
Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Conflict within families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences.
Fights Anger Resentment Quarrels
Each human being is programmed for survival.
When we feel that our God-given uniqueness is threatened, we feel an impulse to attack the threat (or run and flee).
Conflict in families leads to fear:
* fear of being emotionally wounded,
* fear of losing our loved ones,
* fear of having our weaknesses exposed,
* fear of not being considered,
* fear of not being respected.
When family members feel threatened, we must create a sense of safety.
Ground Rules for Conflict
Conflict resolution requires working together:
*listening, *sharing, *caring, * and fighting fairly (2).
1. Don't try to win. Make it a win-win situation.
Look for a solution where everyone feels OK.
2. Find a way to de-escalate.
Researchers have found that one negative comment requires five counteracting comments.
Agree on a time-out gesture which says, "I need a break".
The person calling for a time out is responsible for making a return appointment to finish the discussion.
3. Look for the positive.
Hurtful comments increase defensiveness.
4. Use what works!
5. Stop doing what doesn't work.
Avoid 'trigger words (lazy, fat, careless, stupid).
6. Keep the big picture in mind.
Don't let molehills become mountains.
7. It takes time.
Practice resolving minor issues. Resolve to do better.
Healing requires that both parties recognize what has occurred and work together to mend the damage.
Decide to Forgive. (3)
"For resentment is negative.
Resentment is poisonous.
Resentment diminishes and devours the self.
Be the first to forgive, To smile and to take the first step.
And you will see happiness bloom on the face of your human brother and sister.
Be always the first.
Do not wait for others to forgive
For by forgiving, You become the master of fate,
the fashioner of life,
the doers of miracles.
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
In return you will receive untold peace and happiness."
(Robert Muller)
Forgiveness is a Process!
Forgiveness is the first step in achieving inner peace.
Forgiveness is a decision to release someone from a debt.
You no longer feel like the person owes you, and you decide that you will not try to even the score. (4).
Forgiveness:
* takes a spirit of humility,
* requires hard work,
* needs time,
* requires an open spirit,
* involves a decision,
* and is a process.
How to apologize.
When you were the transgressor, an apology is appropriate. An apology must be followed by attitude and behavior changes which verify that the apology was sincere.
1. Confess honestly your wrongdoing and accept responsibility.
2. Offer no excuse and do not attempt to shift the blame.
3. Acknowledge the level of hurt and pain that you caused.
4. Verbalize your remorse and ask to be forgiven.
5. Demonstrate signs of repentance, such as changed attitudes and behaviors.
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
References.
1. Thomas A. Whiteman & Thomas G. Barlette. The Marriage Mender. Navpress. 1996.
2. Ibid. Chapter 8
3. Dear Abby - Monday, February 13, 1995.
4. Ibid. T. Whiteman & T. Barlette.. The Marriage Mender. Chapter 10
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 1. Skills of Listening and Communicating
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
"Communication is essential to the expression of love. Where there is love, there must be communication. Love inevitably expresses itself and moves out toward others. When communication breaks down, love is blocked. It's energy will turn to resentment and hostility." (Herein is Love. Reuel Howe)
In many families, the key to communication cannot be found. The doors to meaningful sharing are locked. Communication is the process of sharing yourself both verbally and non-verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are saying.
Listening, talking and understanding are all involved in communication. Constructive family communication is the result of a conscious decision deliberately made. Communication takes time, concern, and consideration.
The First duty of love is to listen. Hearing is passive; listening is active. Listening demands concentration...thinking with the other person. The following phrase is too often true; "You're hearing me, but you aren't listening to me." (Paul Tillich).
"It is impossible to overestimate the immense need people have to be really listened to. A person feels affirmed when they are thoughtfully listened to." (Paul Tournier).
Listening with both your ears and eyes is essential in communication, but listening doesn't come easily. Most of us want to talk and tell our side of the story. We need to listen more and talk less.
Family communication often becomes filled with emotional needs and struggles for power.
In messages involving feelings, psychologist Albert Mehrabian contends that non-verbal communication is the message that is heard. Think about what you are communicating through your:
Words (7%), Body language (55%- eye contact, gestures, facial expressions),Tone of voice (38%).
Misunderstandings and misinterpretations often occur.
There are actually six messages that can come through.
1. What you mean to say.
2. What you actually say.
3 What the other person hears.
4. What the other person thinks he hears.
5. What the other person says about what you said.
6. What you think the other person said about what you said. (1)
Barriers to Communication
Lack of time
Bad timing
Anger
Exaggeration
Poor choice of words
Mixed messages
Noise
Hearing problems
Unwillingness to listen to others
Self-centeredness
Lack of concern for others
Insecurity
Fear others will disagree
Words that hurt
Angry expressions
Too busy
Arrogance
Words have power. Chose them carefully.
Words can hurt, injure, anger and alienate.
Or they can heal, help, comfort and soothe.
Words that hurt and discourage.
What's the matter with you?
Why are you causing trouble?
Why don't you ever help?
You stupid idiot!
Can't you do one simple thing?
Is that the best you can do?
Words that heal and encourage.
That's great, I like that.
I appreciate what you do around here.
Could you please help me with this?
I'm proud of you.
Thank you for helping.
You're coming along. Keep at it.
Instead of "YOU" Statements (they place blame and create defensiveness)
-Why did you do that?, You are so careless!
use "I" Statements (they describe your feelings and create understanding.).
- I'm confused. I don't understand what you're doing. I'm afraid you're going to break something.
Avoid Buzz words and absolute terms.
Words such as 'always', 'never', and 'why didn't you' run up red flags.
- You never listen to me!
- You always interrupt me when I talk.
- Why didn't you finish that ?
Think of a thoughtful way to make a point.
- I feel left out when you don't include me in the conversation.
- When you finish your job we can play a game.
- When you interrupt me I lose track of what I'm saying.
Write it down!
The marriage weekend retreats called Marriage Encounter encourage writing thoughts and feelings about relationships and sharing them with your partner.
Writing helps to focus thoughts and crystallize feelings in a way that helps the writer and the receiver understand the problem better without being burdened with emotional expression or gestures.
The Family Realm is Unique.
It is within the family realm that the qualities of God's love are developed and shared. The family realm is the unique organization in which we become whole in our relationships.
Other organizations, including school, church, business or recreation, involve us only for a limited time with a focused involvement. We interact as a role person with role expectations.
It is within the family that we interact as a whole person with the emotions of a whole person. Many processes are occurring at once with a goal of permanent involvement and mutidimensional caregiving. It is within the family that we grow as a person of ultimate value.
Impart Grace to Those Who Hear. Speak the Truth in Love.
But speaking the truth in love, may you grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:15).
Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another...
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear.
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God...Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice,
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:25-32).
Reference:
1. H. Norman Wright. Communication: Key to your Marriage. Gospel Light, 1978:17).
"Communication is essential to the expression of love. Where there is love, there must be communication. Love inevitably expresses itself and moves out toward others. When communication breaks down, love is blocked. It's energy will turn to resentment and hostility." (Herein is Love. Reuel Howe)
In many families, the key to communication cannot be found. The doors to meaningful sharing are locked. Communication is the process of sharing yourself both verbally and non-verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are saying.
Listening, talking and understanding are all involved in communication. Constructive family communication is the result of a conscious decision deliberately made. Communication takes time, concern, and consideration.
The First duty of love is to listen. Hearing is passive; listening is active. Listening demands concentration...thinking with the other person. The following phrase is too often true; "You're hearing me, but you aren't listening to me." (Paul Tillich).
"It is impossible to overestimate the immense need people have to be really listened to. A person feels affirmed when they are thoughtfully listened to." (Paul Tournier).
Listening with both your ears and eyes is essential in communication, but listening doesn't come easily. Most of us want to talk and tell our side of the story. We need to listen more and talk less.
Family communication often becomes filled with emotional needs and struggles for power.
In messages involving feelings, psychologist Albert Mehrabian contends that non-verbal communication is the message that is heard. Think about what you are communicating through your:
Words (7%), Body language (55%- eye contact, gestures, facial expressions),Tone of voice (38%).
Misunderstandings and misinterpretations often occur.
There are actually six messages that can come through.
1. What you mean to say.
2. What you actually say.
3 What the other person hears.
4. What the other person thinks he hears.
5. What the other person says about what you said.
6. What you think the other person said about what you said. (1)
Barriers to Communication
Lack of time
Bad timing
Anger
Exaggeration
Poor choice of words
Mixed messages
Noise
Hearing problems
Unwillingness to listen to others
Self-centeredness
Lack of concern for others
Insecurity
Fear others will disagree
Words that hurt
Angry expressions
Too busy
Arrogance
Words have power. Chose them carefully.
Words can hurt, injure, anger and alienate.
Or they can heal, help, comfort and soothe.
Words that hurt and discourage.
What's the matter with you?
Why are you causing trouble?
Why don't you ever help?
You stupid idiot!
Can't you do one simple thing?
Is that the best you can do?
Words that heal and encourage.
That's great, I like that.
I appreciate what you do around here.
Could you please help me with this?
I'm proud of you.
Thank you for helping.
You're coming along. Keep at it.
Instead of "YOU" Statements (they place blame and create defensiveness)
-Why did you do that?, You are so careless!
use "I" Statements (they describe your feelings and create understanding.).
- I'm confused. I don't understand what you're doing. I'm afraid you're going to break something.
Avoid Buzz words and absolute terms.
Words such as 'always', 'never', and 'why didn't you' run up red flags.
- You never listen to me!
- You always interrupt me when I talk.
- Why didn't you finish that ?
Think of a thoughtful way to make a point.
- I feel left out when you don't include me in the conversation.
- When you finish your job we can play a game.
- When you interrupt me I lose track of what I'm saying.
Write it down!
The marriage weekend retreats called Marriage Encounter encourage writing thoughts and feelings about relationships and sharing them with your partner.
Writing helps to focus thoughts and crystallize feelings in a way that helps the writer and the receiver understand the problem better without being burdened with emotional expression or gestures.
The Family Realm is Unique.
It is within the family realm that the qualities of God's love are developed and shared. The family realm is the unique organization in which we become whole in our relationships.
Other organizations, including school, church, business or recreation, involve us only for a limited time with a focused involvement. We interact as a role person with role expectations.
It is within the family that we interact as a whole person with the emotions of a whole person. Many processes are occurring at once with a goal of permanent involvement and mutidimensional caregiving. It is within the family that we grow as a person of ultimate value.
Impart Grace to Those Who Hear. Speak the Truth in Love.
But speaking the truth in love, may you grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:15).
Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another...
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear.
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God...Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice,
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:25-32).
Reference:
1. H. Norman Wright. Communication: Key to your Marriage. Gospel Light, 1978:17).
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Concerning Our Dual Economy and Taxation
A major political argument in our society is who pays taxes and how much. The discussion is usually reduced to simplistic arguments as to higher taxation to support government programs as opposed to letting people hold on to more of their own money.
We fail to address the reality that we live in a dual economy.
On the one hand a multitude of people are encouraged to prepare themselves for a salaried career to provide a service for society.
These people agree to work for a limited and constant wage with little expectation of bonuses, including:
police; firefighters; public school teachers; state university professors; public health doctors and nurses; social workers; local, state and federal officials; court system and prison personnel.
These workers are paid by taxes and generally their salaries are modest and limited while they provide essential and necessary services which protect and support the well-being of the larger society.
On the other hand we have a free-marketplace and profit-oriented system.
In this system creative people can develop a private business which provides jobs and services. They can charge what the public will pay for their services and accumulate profit. Whether it's a sports franchise, food services, manufacturing, construction, repair work, media, entertainment or retail the profits can be quite lucrative.
Our graduated tax system has required a higher tax rate as more profit is accumulated. These taxes are used to pay the wages of the services provided by the public service workers that protect and support the social setting.
These two economies are highly dependent upon each other. One could not operate without the other. It is necessary to respect, appreciate, encourage, support and protect the well-being of each sector.
A graduated tax system is necessary and appropriate for the continued well-being of our ability to progress and move forward as a nation to be a beacon of light and inspiration to the world.
We fail to address the reality that we live in a dual economy.
On the one hand a multitude of people are encouraged to prepare themselves for a salaried career to provide a service for society.
These people agree to work for a limited and constant wage with little expectation of bonuses, including:
police; firefighters; public school teachers; state university professors; public health doctors and nurses; social workers; local, state and federal officials; court system and prison personnel.
These workers are paid by taxes and generally their salaries are modest and limited while they provide essential and necessary services which protect and support the well-being of the larger society.
On the other hand we have a free-marketplace and profit-oriented system.
In this system creative people can develop a private business which provides jobs and services. They can charge what the public will pay for their services and accumulate profit. Whether it's a sports franchise, food services, manufacturing, construction, repair work, media, entertainment or retail the profits can be quite lucrative.
Our graduated tax system has required a higher tax rate as more profit is accumulated. These taxes are used to pay the wages of the services provided by the public service workers that protect and support the social setting.
These two economies are highly dependent upon each other. One could not operate without the other. It is necessary to respect, appreciate, encourage, support and protect the well-being of each sector.
A graduated tax system is necessary and appropriate for the continued well-being of our ability to progress and move forward as a nation to be a beacon of light and inspiration to the world.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Open Letter to Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts, Jr.
Dear Chief Justice Roberts;
I understand that the Supreme Court will soon make a decision in regard to the constitutionality of same sex marriage. I urge you to vote in favor of protecting marriage as between a man and a woman.
Please bring my concerns to the attention of the other Supreme Court Justices.
I am not here discussing homosexuals, many of whom contribute generously to their community, but rather considering consequences of homosexuality as a normalized behavior. The profound changes that would be brought about in social integration, social organization, social reproduction and social health warrant caution and serious consideration.
My concern is not that the Bible speaks against homosexuality, but rather why the Bible and countless other societal writings throughout the milleniums have held homosexuality as a social taboo.
The family unit has integrated men and women, children, grandparents and extended relatives in personal, caring and supportive relationships that transcend the generations. Countless research confirms that the greatest sources of nurture, support, and meaning for the majority of Americans are found within the family unit.
The opportunity for the autonomous family to preserve and pass down cultural values to the next generation is the foundation upon which freedom is built. This process develops diversity of perspectives, providing the checks and balances in society which guard against destructive extremes.
The normalization of homosexuality will jeopardize social reproduction. When society changes rapidly it is prudent to inquire, "Who benefits". The commercialization of reproduction through buying of sperm and egg and the creating of children through deliberate planning by professionals (at high cost) will replace the caring and loving union of mother, father, children and grandchildren. This is t;he foundation of eugenics. Whose sperm? Whose egg? As children are taught to accept homosexuality as a normal choice, the intergenerational transfer of genetic and cultural patterns in society becomes jeopardized.
The personal and public health risks associated with homosexual behaviors are deeply troubling. The first cases of HIV/AIDS were reported in the U.S. in 1981 within the homosexual community. Since then the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that over 648,000 deaths have occurred, the majority of cases resulting from male-to-male sexual conduct. CDC reports that 77% of those affected with AIDS are male. As bisexuality is listed as a gender choice, the deadly disease has transferred to the heterosexual community .
Syphilis was a disease on the verge of elimination. The CDC reports "...in 2001 it re-emerged as a public health threat because of a resurgence of the disease among men who have sex with men (MSM). In 2008 there were 13,500 reported cases of syphilis." "In 2012, 75% of the reported primary and secondary syphilis cases were among men who have sex with men." Bisexuality brings this disease to women and babies. The syphilis rate in San Antonio has recently broken all recent records and an epidemic of babies have been born with syphilis.
The Supreme Court overturned the sodomy law of Texas. Sodomy contributes to:
95% of AIDS infections among gay men (Commentary, Nov. 1987, pgs. 22-23),
4000% increase in risk of anal cancer (Between the Lines, Sept. 29, 2000), and
860% increase in sexually transmitted diseases (CDC, Sept. 10, 1999).
In the early 1990's the gay agenda sought to promote tolerance of the gay/lesbian lifestyles in the public schools at all levels. To teach children that homosexual behaviors are equivalent to heterosexual behaviors jeopardizes their ability to move into responsible heterosexual and family relationships.
Children have neither the maturity nor background to understand and evaluate this information. Childhood is a time to learn directives for living and growing into mature citizens and healthy and responsible adults. Condoms, with a 14% failure rate (for pregnancy) are handed out freely in schools, even at the junior high level with the implication that sex will be 'safe' if you 'protect' yourself with a condom.
A responsible society must protect the children from behaviors that will endanger them.
Heterosexual family forms have been protected and passed down through centuries of civilizations and in virtually all societies. In every society it is essential to establish and protect laws that will benefit the well-being of the larger society and individuals. The social discourse has been rampant with charges of bigotry, and hate mongering. However, neither claims of tolerance, discrimination, intimidation, nor back slapping love fests are appropriate means to bring about change in social organization that has wide reaching negative consequences.
I have presented two papers at professional meetings related to the considerations listed above. the PDF files of these papers can be downloaded from my website: www.wrestlingwithangels.com under the section "Related Essays".
* Over the Rainbow: The Gay Battle for Social Reorganization of America (49 pages).
* The Impact of Contemporary Family Life Patterns on the Quality and Stability of Child Rearing (43 pages).
Thank you for your consideration and for the important work you provide for our country.
Sincerely,
Marjorie L. Coppock, Ph..D.
I understand that the Supreme Court will soon make a decision in regard to the constitutionality of same sex marriage. I urge you to vote in favor of protecting marriage as between a man and a woman.
Please bring my concerns to the attention of the other Supreme Court Justices.
I am not here discussing homosexuals, many of whom contribute generously to their community, but rather considering consequences of homosexuality as a normalized behavior. The profound changes that would be brought about in social integration, social organization, social reproduction and social health warrant caution and serious consideration.
My concern is not that the Bible speaks against homosexuality, but rather why the Bible and countless other societal writings throughout the milleniums have held homosexuality as a social taboo.
The family unit has integrated men and women, children, grandparents and extended relatives in personal, caring and supportive relationships that transcend the generations. Countless research confirms that the greatest sources of nurture, support, and meaning for the majority of Americans are found within the family unit.
The opportunity for the autonomous family to preserve and pass down cultural values to the next generation is the foundation upon which freedom is built. This process develops diversity of perspectives, providing the checks and balances in society which guard against destructive extremes.
The normalization of homosexuality will jeopardize social reproduction. When society changes rapidly it is prudent to inquire, "Who benefits". The commercialization of reproduction through buying of sperm and egg and the creating of children through deliberate planning by professionals (at high cost) will replace the caring and loving union of mother, father, children and grandchildren. This is t;he foundation of eugenics. Whose sperm? Whose egg? As children are taught to accept homosexuality as a normal choice, the intergenerational transfer of genetic and cultural patterns in society becomes jeopardized.
The personal and public health risks associated with homosexual behaviors are deeply troubling. The first cases of HIV/AIDS were reported in the U.S. in 1981 within the homosexual community. Since then the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that over 648,000 deaths have occurred, the majority of cases resulting from male-to-male sexual conduct. CDC reports that 77% of those affected with AIDS are male. As bisexuality is listed as a gender choice, the deadly disease has transferred to the heterosexual community .
Syphilis was a disease on the verge of elimination. The CDC reports "...in 2001 it re-emerged as a public health threat because of a resurgence of the disease among men who have sex with men (MSM). In 2008 there were 13,500 reported cases of syphilis." "In 2012, 75% of the reported primary and secondary syphilis cases were among men who have sex with men." Bisexuality brings this disease to women and babies. The syphilis rate in San Antonio has recently broken all recent records and an epidemic of babies have been born with syphilis.
The Supreme Court overturned the sodomy law of Texas. Sodomy contributes to:
95% of AIDS infections among gay men (Commentary, Nov. 1987, pgs. 22-23),
4000% increase in risk of anal cancer (Between the Lines, Sept. 29, 2000), and
860% increase in sexually transmitted diseases (CDC, Sept. 10, 1999).
In the early 1990's the gay agenda sought to promote tolerance of the gay/lesbian lifestyles in the public schools at all levels. To teach children that homosexual behaviors are equivalent to heterosexual behaviors jeopardizes their ability to move into responsible heterosexual and family relationships.
Children have neither the maturity nor background to understand and evaluate this information. Childhood is a time to learn directives for living and growing into mature citizens and healthy and responsible adults. Condoms, with a 14% failure rate (for pregnancy) are handed out freely in schools, even at the junior high level with the implication that sex will be 'safe' if you 'protect' yourself with a condom.
A responsible society must protect the children from behaviors that will endanger them.
Heterosexual family forms have been protected and passed down through centuries of civilizations and in virtually all societies. In every society it is essential to establish and protect laws that will benefit the well-being of the larger society and individuals. The social discourse has been rampant with charges of bigotry, and hate mongering. However, neither claims of tolerance, discrimination, intimidation, nor back slapping love fests are appropriate means to bring about change in social organization that has wide reaching negative consequences.
I have presented two papers at professional meetings related to the considerations listed above. the PDF files of these papers can be downloaded from my website: www.wrestlingwithangels.com under the section "Related Essays".
* Over the Rainbow: The Gay Battle for Social Reorganization of America (49 pages).
* The Impact of Contemporary Family Life Patterns on the Quality and Stability of Child Rearing (43 pages).
Thank you for your consideration and for the important work you provide for our country.
Sincerely,
Marjorie L. Coppock, Ph..D.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Life Beyond? Researching Near-Death Experiences
Within the last 50 years modern techniques of resuscitation have improved survival rates of people who have been brought back to life after having been pronounced clinically dead. With increases in rates of cardiac resuscitation, the number of reported near-death experiences (NDE's) has increased, drawing a growing number of researchers into the field of near-death studies.
Because these subjective experiences have been objectively non-verifiable, science has dismissed these experiences as personal hallucinations or science fiction. People were reluctant to share their experiences because it was something 'you didn't talk about'.
GROWING INTEREST IN RESEARCHING NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES
Contemporary interest in the study of NDE's was spurred by writings of psychiatrists, Elizabeth Kubler Ross and George Ritchie and by Dr. Raymond Moody who published his book Life After Life. This book, released in 1975, brought public attention to the topic of NDE's. In 1992, the Gallup Poll reported that 13 Million Americans had stated they had an NDE.
The Louisiana based Near Death Experience Research Foundation has the largest collection of NDE's. Their website contains records of over 3700 NDE experiences in over 23 languages. The North Carolina based International Association of Near Death Studies (IANDS), established in 1981, encourages scientific research and education on the ramifications of near-death experiences. IANDS publishes the peer- reviewed Journal of Near Death Studies and the quarterly newsletter Vital Signs. Other scientific and academic journals have published research on NDE's, including: Journal of Nervous and Mental Diseases, British Journal of Psychology, American Journal of Disease of Children, Resuscitation, The Lancet, Death Studies and the Journal of Advanced Nursing.
REPORTED EXPERIENCES FOLLOWING RESUSCITATION
Researchers have identified patterns in these experiences that transcend differences based on age and cultural backgrounds. While not every NDE includes all of these, frequently reported experiences include:
* awareness of being dead,
* looking down on one's own body from above
* moving through a dark tunnel
* movement toward a brilliant light
* an overwhelming sense of peace, well-being and love
* reuniting with deceased loved ones
* meeting with 'spiritual guides'
* receiving a life review
* approaching a border with a decision or request to return to one's body.
While most NDE's include pleasurable experiences, some distressing experiences have been reported, dominated by feelings of fear, terror, horror, anger, loneliness, isolation, and/or guilt.
CHANGES IN OUTLOOK ON LIFE
NDE's are associated with changes in personality and outlook on life. Psychologist Kenneth Ring identified changes in values and beliefs. There included a greater appreciation for life, higher self-esteem, greater compassion for others, increased sense of purpose, spiritual awareness, and a desire to learn. Those who had experienced a distressing NDE often change their life patterns and turn their lives in a positive direction.
Many who experience an NDE see it as verification of life after death, saying that they felt more alive in this experience than in the earthly life.
RESEARCH INTO NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES CONTINUES TO INCREASE
A growing number of researchers in the field of near-death studies contend that consciousness may continue to exist after death. Other researchers are more skeptical, claiming that changes occurring in the brain cause these experiences.
Dr. Pim van Lommel researches NDE's that are reported by cardiology patients in the Netherlands. He found that of 344 consecutive cardiac patients who were successfully resuscitated after cardiac arrest, 62 patients reported a NDE. It is unclear why so few cardiac patients report NDE after CPR. But he concludes that if it were a purely physiological explanation, most patients who were clinically dead should report one.
As reports of near-death experience occur more frequently with the increase in survival rates resulting from resuscitation, questions are raised as to the cause and meaning of these experiences. The field on near-death studies is drawing a growing number of researchers, including fields of psychology, psychiatry, and medicine, who are interested in the study of near-death experience as phenomena.
REFERENCES:
* Blackmore, Susan. 1993. Dying To Live: Near-Death Experiences. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books.
* MacDonald, G. Jeffrey. Jan. 15, 2011. "Near death experiences being studied as more than sci-fi." San Antonio Express-News.:4B.
* IANDS - International Association for Near-death Studies. 9/1/2014. "Distressing Near-Death Experiences." http://iands.org/distressing-near-death-experiences.html.
* Moody, Raymond A. Jr., M.D. 1975. Life After Life: The Investigation of a Phenomenon-Survival of Bodily Death. Marietta, GA: Mockingbird Press.
* Pim van Lommel, Ruud van Wees, Vincent Meyers, and Ingrid Elfferich. December 15, 2001. " Near-death experience in survivors of cardiac arrest: a prospective study in the Netherlands." The Lancet. Vol 358:2039-2045.
* Pim van Lommel, M.D. 2010. Consciousness Beyond Life: The Science of the Near-Death Experience. New York, NY: Harper One.
* Sartori, Dr. Penny. 2014. The Wisdom of Near-Death Experiences: How Understanding NDEs can Help us Live More Fully. Oxford, UK: Watkins Publishing.
* Wikipedia. 9/1/2014. Near-death experience. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Near-death_experience.
*Williams, Kevin. 9/1/2014. Dr. Melvin Morse. http://www.near-death.com/experiences/experts06.html.
Because these subjective experiences have been objectively non-verifiable, science has dismissed these experiences as personal hallucinations or science fiction. People were reluctant to share their experiences because it was something 'you didn't talk about'.
GROWING INTEREST IN RESEARCHING NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES
Contemporary interest in the study of NDE's was spurred by writings of psychiatrists, Elizabeth Kubler Ross and George Ritchie and by Dr. Raymond Moody who published his book Life After Life. This book, released in 1975, brought public attention to the topic of NDE's. In 1992, the Gallup Poll reported that 13 Million Americans had stated they had an NDE.
The Louisiana based Near Death Experience Research Foundation has the largest collection of NDE's. Their website contains records of over 3700 NDE experiences in over 23 languages. The North Carolina based International Association of Near Death Studies (IANDS), established in 1981, encourages scientific research and education on the ramifications of near-death experiences. IANDS publishes the peer- reviewed Journal of Near Death Studies and the quarterly newsletter Vital Signs. Other scientific and academic journals have published research on NDE's, including: Journal of Nervous and Mental Diseases, British Journal of Psychology, American Journal of Disease of Children, Resuscitation, The Lancet, Death Studies and the Journal of Advanced Nursing.
REPORTED EXPERIENCES FOLLOWING RESUSCITATION
Researchers have identified patterns in these experiences that transcend differences based on age and cultural backgrounds. While not every NDE includes all of these, frequently reported experiences include:
* awareness of being dead,
* looking down on one's own body from above
* moving through a dark tunnel
* movement toward a brilliant light
* an overwhelming sense of peace, well-being and love
* reuniting with deceased loved ones
* meeting with 'spiritual guides'
* receiving a life review
* approaching a border with a decision or request to return to one's body.
While most NDE's include pleasurable experiences, some distressing experiences have been reported, dominated by feelings of fear, terror, horror, anger, loneliness, isolation, and/or guilt.
CHANGES IN OUTLOOK ON LIFE
NDE's are associated with changes in personality and outlook on life. Psychologist Kenneth Ring identified changes in values and beliefs. There included a greater appreciation for life, higher self-esteem, greater compassion for others, increased sense of purpose, spiritual awareness, and a desire to learn. Those who had experienced a distressing NDE often change their life patterns and turn their lives in a positive direction.
Many who experience an NDE see it as verification of life after death, saying that they felt more alive in this experience than in the earthly life.
RESEARCH INTO NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES CONTINUES TO INCREASE
A growing number of researchers in the field of near-death studies contend that consciousness may continue to exist after death. Other researchers are more skeptical, claiming that changes occurring in the brain cause these experiences.
Dr. Pim van Lommel researches NDE's that are reported by cardiology patients in the Netherlands. He found that of 344 consecutive cardiac patients who were successfully resuscitated after cardiac arrest, 62 patients reported a NDE. It is unclear why so few cardiac patients report NDE after CPR. But he concludes that if it were a purely physiological explanation, most patients who were clinically dead should report one.
As reports of near-death experience occur more frequently with the increase in survival rates resulting from resuscitation, questions are raised as to the cause and meaning of these experiences. The field on near-death studies is drawing a growing number of researchers, including fields of psychology, psychiatry, and medicine, who are interested in the study of near-death experience as phenomena.
REFERENCES:
* Blackmore, Susan. 1993. Dying To Live: Near-Death Experiences. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books.
* MacDonald, G. Jeffrey. Jan. 15, 2011. "Near death experiences being studied as more than sci-fi." San Antonio Express-News.:4B.
* IANDS - International Association for Near-death Studies. 9/1/2014. "Distressing Near-Death Experiences." http://iands.org/distressing-near-death-experiences.html.
* Moody, Raymond A. Jr., M.D. 1975. Life After Life: The Investigation of a Phenomenon-Survival of Bodily Death. Marietta, GA: Mockingbird Press.
* Pim van Lommel, Ruud van Wees, Vincent Meyers, and Ingrid Elfferich. December 15, 2001. " Near-death experience in survivors of cardiac arrest: a prospective study in the Netherlands." The Lancet. Vol 358:2039-2045.
* Pim van Lommel, M.D. 2010. Consciousness Beyond Life: The Science of the Near-Death Experience. New York, NY: Harper One.
* Sartori, Dr. Penny. 2014. The Wisdom of Near-Death Experiences: How Understanding NDEs can Help us Live More Fully. Oxford, UK: Watkins Publishing.
* Wikipedia. 9/1/2014. Near-death experience. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Near-death_experience.
*Williams, Kevin. 9/1/2014. Dr. Melvin Morse. http://www.near-death.com/experiences/experts06.html.
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