Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 6. Creating Health and Wellness

Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way.  The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.

CLEANLINESS, EXERCISE, REST AND SLEEP, GOOD NUTRITION
Health and Wellness are the result of decisions to develop habits that will help our bodies, minds and spirits grow and prosper.

Cleanliness:
Keeping clean is a the first line of defense against germs.

Bathing, at least several times a week, helps to wash away germs and prevent them from spreading and causing illness.

Hand washing is especially important.  Research confirms that hand washing is an important behavior that determines who gets sick and who stays healthy.
Hand washing should be a MUST:
* before eating and cooking
* after using the bathroom
* after cleaning around the house
* after touching animals, including family pets
* before and after visiting or taking care of sick friends or relatives
* after blowing one's nose, coughing, or sneezing
* after being outside (playing, gardening, walking the dog).
The few seconds you spend at the sink will save you time in bed and trips to the doctor's office.
 Make frequent hand washing a habit.  1.

Tooth brushing is an important part of dental care.
Medical research shows that brushing teeth (at least twice a day) can prevent cavities and gum disease.  If teeth are not brushed correctly and frequently, saliva minerals cause tartar to develop and cause gum disease.

CLEAN THE HOUSE
Organize your cleaning schedule to keep your home fresh and sanitary.  Don't stress about the mess!
Learn how to keep it clean, room by room.

Each morning
- Make beds, wipe bathroom counters (with anti-bacterial spray or bleach and water (50/50).
- wash breakfast dishes or empty the dishwasher, and do a load of laundry.
Each evening
- Wash the dishes or load the dishwasher,
- wipe kitchen counters with spray (as above),
- take out trash,
-sweep or vacuum floors, and declutter with a basket (use a laundry basket to pick up things that are out of place, then put them away.) 2.

Cleaning Shortcuts from Heloise
* Wipe up spills in the refrigerator as soon as you notice them.  Toss anything that is beyond it's expiration date or is spoiled.
* Clean children's plastic toys with a towel moistened with rubbing alcohol.
* Presort laundry items into baskets.  Clear the lint filter after each dryer load.
* Dust and quick clean one room every day.

EXERCISE AND PHYSICAL FITNESS
Exercise is an important part of staying healthy.  Watching TV, playing video games or sitting in a chair will not develop the stamina needed for good health!
Adults need at least 30 minutes a day of physical activity.  Children need a lot of time to exercise and develop their muscles and bones.

*  People who live active lives feel better and live longer.
*  Exercise helps you maintain a Healthy weight.
*  Exercise can delay or prevent some diseases such as diabetes, some cancers and heart problems.

Find the right exercise for you and your family.  If it's something you enjoy, you are more likely to stay motivated (sports, walking, jogging, swimming, biking, etc.).

SLEEPING AND REST
Getting a good nights sleep is essential to good health.  Not getting enough sleep causes mental, emotional and physical fatigue.  Sleep deprivation can lead to irritability, an impaired immune system, symptoms similar to ADHD, and decreased  reaction time.  Children need more sleep in order to develop and function properly.
*  A newborn requires up to 18 hours a day.
*  A child one year old requires 14-18 hours.
*  A child two to five years old requires 11-15 hours.
*  A child six years through adolescence requires 9-11 hours.
*  Adults require 7-8 hours a day.

GOOD NUTRITION
Good food habits are the foundation for a healthy body.  Serve a variety of foods to insure that your family receives the nutrients needed to keep bodies healthy.  When it's snack time, give your family nutritious snacks such as: fruit or fruit juices, vegetables, cheese, crackers, or meat slices.

Eat food from each food group daily for a well-balanced diet.
Milk group - 2-3 servings. 
* Milk, yogurt and cheese are high in protein and calcium.   These are important vitamins and minerals needed to build strong bones and teeth.
Meat Group - 2-3 servings.
* Meat, poultry, fish and eggs provide protein, B vitamins, and minerals that are  essential to develop muscles, bones, and blood vessels.
Fruits and Vegetables Group - 5+ servings.
* These foods give you vitamins, minerals, and fiber with few calories.  Vitamin C helps resist infection and heal wounds, and Vitamin A helps to keep the digestive tract healthy.
Bread and Cereal Group - 6-11 servings. 
* These are high in B vitamins, iron and fiber to help the body obtain energy from food, use oxygen and metabolize.
Fat, Oils and Sweets Group - Servings from this group should be limited.

UNHEALTHY HABITS IMPORTANT TO BREAK

* Smoking - Half a million Americans die each year from smoking-related health conditions.  Smoking decreases lung capacity for healthy exercise.
* Being a worry wart -  If you have a problem, try to solve it.  If it can't be solved, forget it.  Worrying won't help.
* Overtime work - Overworked Americans have doubled in the last 20 years.  Quality time for yourself and your family its important for healthy relationships.
* Alcohol and drugs - They deaden the ability to think and decide clearly.

HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME SEXUALITY

We have been blessed with an abundance of simple pleasures:  sunshine and sunsets, brilliant flowers and cool water on a hot day.  Sexual relationships, however, are complex pleasures because they involve the life of another person in a holistic way: physical, mental, spiritual and emotional.  Above all, sexual behaviors produce new life.  Faith affirms that life is a sacred gift from God.

The United States Center for Disease Control and Prevention confirms that more than 65 million people in the USA have an incurable sexually transmitted infection (STI).  Many STI's result in tubal pregnancies and infertility, cancer, or severe damage to body organs.  Be aware of the consequences if you fail to limit your sexual partners to one mutually monogamous healthy relationship.  Protect your sexual health.

PREVENTIVE CARE REDUCES ILLNESS
While we are the first line of defense in protecting out health and the health of our families, community health clinics and family physicians are essential in helping us protect our health and wellness.
Annual visits to our doctor provide preventive care through immunizations and screening of cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, and hearing, vision, breast exams and other exams.    

Keep a file and record for each family member of dates of immunization, major illness and surgeries and the names of doctors who helped with each for future reference.  

CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART, O GOD
Have mercy on me, O God, according to thy steadfast love;
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,  and cleanse me from my sin!
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
             Psalms 51:1-2,7,10-12


References:
1. Kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=Kid...
2.  www.organizeforfree.com/2012/05/09free-house-cleaning-printout/

Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 1. Skills of Listening and Communicating

Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way.  The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.

"Communication is essential to the expression of love.  Where there is love, there must be communication. Love inevitably expresses itself and moves out toward others.  When communication breaks down, love is blocked.  It's energy will turn to resentment and hostility."  (Herein is Love. Reuel Howe)

In many families, the key to communication cannot be found.  The doors to meaningful sharing are locked.  Communication is the process of sharing yourself both verbally and non-verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are saying.

Listening, talking and understanding are all involved in communication.  Constructive family communication is the result of a conscious decision deliberately made.  Communication takes time, concern, and consideration.

The First duty of love is to listen.  Hearing is passive; listening is active.  Listening demands concentration...thinking with the other person.  The following phrase is too often true;  "You're hearing me, but you aren't listening to me."  (Paul Tillich).

"It is impossible to overestimate the immense need people have to be really listened to.  A person feels affirmed when they are thoughtfully listened to."  (Paul Tournier).

Listening with both your ears and eyes is essential in communication, but listening doesn't come easily.  Most of us want to talk and tell our side of the story.  We need to listen more and talk less.

Family communication often becomes filled with emotional needs and struggles for power.
In messages involving feelings, psychologist Albert Mehrabian contends that non-verbal communication is the message that is heard.  Think about what you are communicating through your:
Words (7%), Body language (55%- eye contact, gestures, facial expressions),Tone of voice (38%).

Misunderstandings and misinterpretations often occur.
There are actually six messages that can come through.
1. What you mean to say.
2. What you actually say.
3  What the other person hears.
4. What the other person thinks he hears.
5. What the other person says about what you said.
6. What you think the other person said about what you said.  (1)

Barriers to Communication
Lack of time
Bad timing
Anger
Exaggeration
Poor choice of words
Mixed messages
Noise
Hearing problems
Unwillingness to listen to others
Self-centeredness
Lack of concern for others
Insecurity
Fear others will disagree
Words that hurt
Angry expressions
Too busy
Arrogance

Words have power.  Chose them carefully.
      Words can hurt, injure, anger and alienate.
Or they can heal, help, comfort and soothe.

Words that hurt and discourage.
      What's the matter with you?
Why are you causing trouble?
Why don't you ever help?
You stupid idiot!
Can't you do one simple thing?
Is that the best you can do?

Words that heal and encourage.
      That's great, I like that.
I appreciate what you do around here.
Could you please help me with this?
I'm proud of you.
Thank you for helping.
You're coming along.  Keep at it.

Instead of "YOU" Statements (they place blame and create defensiveness)
 -Why did you do that?,  You are so careless!
use "I" Statements  (they describe your feelings and create understanding.).
 - I'm confused.  I don't understand what you're doing.  I'm afraid you're going to break something.

Avoid Buzz words and absolute terms. 
Words such as 'always', 'never', and 'why didn't you'  run up red flags.
 - You never listen to me!
 - You always interrupt me when I talk.
 -  Why didn't you finish that ?

Think of a thoughtful way to make a point.
  - I feel left out when you don't include me in the conversation.
  - When you finish your job we can play a game.
  - When you interrupt me I lose track of what I'm saying.

Write it down!
     The marriage weekend retreats called Marriage Encounter encourage writing thoughts and feelings about relationships and sharing them with your partner.
Writing helps to focus thoughts and crystallize feelings in a way that helps the writer and the receiver understand the problem better without being burdened with emotional expression or gestures.

The Family Realm is Unique.
     It is within the family realm that the qualities of God's love are developed and shared.  The family realm is the unique organization in which we become whole in our relationships.
    Other organizations, including school, church, business or recreation, involve us only for a limited time with a focused involvement.  We interact as a role person with role expectations.
    It is within the family that we interact as a whole person with the emotions of a whole person.  Many processes are occurring at once with a goal of permanent involvement and mutidimensional caregiving.  It is within the family that we grow as a person of ultimate value.

Impart Grace to Those Who Hear.  Speak the Truth in Love.  
   But speaking the truth in love, may you grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:15).
   Therefore, putting  away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another...
    Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear.
    Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God...Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice,
    And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  (Ephesians 4:25-32).


Reference:
1. H. Norman Wright. Communication: Key to your Marriage.  Gospel Light, 1978:17).