Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way.
Homes are more than houses of walls and beams. Homes are built with thoughtful caring concern where the family unit shares protection, support, sacrifice and love.
Careful planning turns a house into a home for the people who dwell there.
Eight sessions are presented each representing a parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children. The materials provided may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting session.
The materials in these sessions were compiled and used by the author (Dr. Marjorie Coppock) over a three year period to guide young women who came to the Pregnancy Care Center (San Antonio). The young women responded well to the materials presented and expressed appreciation for the help.
Each session has been entered as a separate blog in this blogsite. (www.concerningthis.blogspot.com)
The topic of each session and the date entered into the blogsite are listed below.
Session 1. Skills of Listening and Communicating - February 21, 2016
Session 2. Solving Conflicts Constructively - February 26, 2016
Session 3. Wise Money Management - March 4, 2016
Session 4. Parenting Your Children - March 10, 2016
Session 5. Passing on Family Traditions - March 21, 2016
Session 6. Creating Health and Wellness - March 27, 2016
Session 7. Good Nutrition - April 1, 2016
Session 8. Attitudes of Gratitude - April 6, 2016
**************************
Individuals, schools, churches, and community organizations are invited and encouraged to use these (or other) materials to offer parenting sessions to help families solve the problems of living together in a constructive and loving way.
The PDF file and docx file of this series of eight parenting classes is also located on my website: www.wrestlingwithangels.com under the section 'Related Essays'. It is entitled: "Turning the Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships". It can be downloaded at no cost.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 8, Attitudes of Gratitude
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60 minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
CREATING MORE JOY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS 1.
Develop an Asset Focus:
...the more you look at what's right instead of what's wrong,
Change actually occurs. Impasses break up,
New insights arise, and
The energy begins to move in a positive direction.
Conversely, when you focus on what's wrong, you dig yourself into a bigger hole.
A Culture of Problems
We are trained in our culture to focus on problems:
what is wrong,
what needs to be corrected.
We develop a negative mind set.
However, "When one generates mental negativity, one starts suffering;
Whenever one is free from negativity, one enjoys peace and harmony."
- S.N. Goenka
Gratitude
Gratitude is a matter of putting our attention on what is right in our lives,
and what is right about the people we live with.
The more we do it, the happier in love and life we will be.
You Can Choose What to Pay Attention To.
To fall in love - focus on everything wonderful about the person.
To fall out of love - pay attention to their flaws (we all have them).
We can choose to notice a person's good qualities (we all have them).
Taming Our Expectations
"An expectation, as they say, is a resentment waiting to happen." - Jon Carroll
"Ah, expectations! They do have a way of forming, but nothing is better at killing a sense of appreciation. That's because...they quickly launch us into resentment when our expectations go unmet. When we cling too tightly to our expectations of how it should be, we can easily overlook what is marvelous about what is." 2.
Receptivity is Key
"Gratitude is a feeling that is created when we become aware of what we are receiving. We may have been receiving it all along, but it is only when we become aware of what we have that we experience a sense of thankfulness...
Receptivity is an attitude that we choose - to allow life to enter us, move us, transform us. It is enhanced by practices - for instance, of consciously taking in the world around you through your eyes, ears, and body - and by taking time.
It's hard to be receptive when you are going ninety miles an hour." 3.
Make a Gratitude Laundry List
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." - Robert Browning
In family 'fights' it's easy to remember everything remotely related to build a case of how terrible the person is. We keep lists!
It's embarrassing to admit that we don't keep an equivalent Gratitude List.
But if we can keep a list of negatives, we can also keep a positive one on hand.
"Make you list long and engrave it somewhere. Then when times are tough and you've lost your perspective, you can bring it out and make a case for why it's worth going on." 4.
We are often guilty of treating the persons we love worse than we would a random stranger. Don't forget to say "Please" and "Thank you" at home.
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
By Dorothy Law Nolte
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns to have confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith,
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
Consider how this poem can be adapted to apply to all the family.
People Learn What They Live.
If people live with criticism, they learn to condemn...
If people live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love.
THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 5.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
The best things you can give children, next to good habits, are good manners.
Our business in life is not to see through one another, it is to see one another through.
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness - it is usually returned.
The most powerful single thing you can do to have influence over others is to smile at them.
No one stands as straight as when he stoops to help someone.
Thanksgiving comes but once a year, but reasons to give thanks are always here.
****************************************************************
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things...
And the God of peace will be with you.
Phillippians 4:4-9
References:
1. Ryan, M.J. Attitudes of Gratitude in Love - Creating More Joy in Your Relationships. New York: MJF Books. 2002.
2. Ibid: pgs 69-70
3. Ibid. pg. 84
4. Ibid. pg 132
5. Kapla, Marcia & David. THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 1989.
CREATING MORE JOY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS 1.
Develop an Asset Focus:
...the more you look at what's right instead of what's wrong,
Change actually occurs. Impasses break up,
New insights arise, and
The energy begins to move in a positive direction.
Conversely, when you focus on what's wrong, you dig yourself into a bigger hole.
A Culture of Problems
We are trained in our culture to focus on problems:
what is wrong,
what needs to be corrected.
We develop a negative mind set.
However, "When one generates mental negativity, one starts suffering;
Whenever one is free from negativity, one enjoys peace and harmony."
- S.N. Goenka
Gratitude
Gratitude is a matter of putting our attention on what is right in our lives,
and what is right about the people we live with.
The more we do it, the happier in love and life we will be.
You Can Choose What to Pay Attention To.
To fall in love - focus on everything wonderful about the person.
To fall out of love - pay attention to their flaws (we all have them).
We can choose to notice a person's good qualities (we all have them).
Taming Our Expectations
"An expectation, as they say, is a resentment waiting to happen." - Jon Carroll
"Ah, expectations! They do have a way of forming, but nothing is better at killing a sense of appreciation. That's because...they quickly launch us into resentment when our expectations go unmet. When we cling too tightly to our expectations of how it should be, we can easily overlook what is marvelous about what is." 2.
Receptivity is Key
"Gratitude is a feeling that is created when we become aware of what we are receiving. We may have been receiving it all along, but it is only when we become aware of what we have that we experience a sense of thankfulness...
Receptivity is an attitude that we choose - to allow life to enter us, move us, transform us. It is enhanced by practices - for instance, of consciously taking in the world around you through your eyes, ears, and body - and by taking time.
It's hard to be receptive when you are going ninety miles an hour." 3.
Make a Gratitude Laundry List
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." - Robert Browning
In family 'fights' it's easy to remember everything remotely related to build a case of how terrible the person is. We keep lists!
It's embarrassing to admit that we don't keep an equivalent Gratitude List.
But if we can keep a list of negatives, we can also keep a positive one on hand.
"Make you list long and engrave it somewhere. Then when times are tough and you've lost your perspective, you can bring it out and make a case for why it's worth going on." 4.
We are often guilty of treating the persons we love worse than we would a random stranger. Don't forget to say "Please" and "Thank you" at home.
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
By Dorothy Law Nolte
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns to have confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith,
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
Consider how this poem can be adapted to apply to all the family.
People Learn What They Live.
If people live with criticism, they learn to condemn...
If people live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love.
THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 5.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
The best things you can give children, next to good habits, are good manners.
Our business in life is not to see through one another, it is to see one another through.
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness - it is usually returned.
The most powerful single thing you can do to have influence over others is to smile at them.
No one stands as straight as when he stoops to help someone.
Thanksgiving comes but once a year, but reasons to give thanks are always here.
****************************************************************
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things...
And the God of peace will be with you.
Phillippians 4:4-9
References:
1. Ryan, M.J. Attitudes of Gratitude in Love - Creating More Joy in Your Relationships. New York: MJF Books. 2002.
2. Ibid: pgs 69-70
3. Ibid. pg. 84
4. Ibid. pg 132
5. Kapla, Marcia & David. THANKS, Lovable, Livable, Laughable Lines. 1989.
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