Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way.
Homes are more than houses of walls and beams. Homes are built with thoughtful caring concern where the family unit shares protection, support, sacrifice and love.
Careful planning turns a house into a home for the people who dwell there.
Eight sessions are presented each representing a parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children. The materials provided may be used to guide discussion and considerations for a 50-60 minute parenting session.
The materials in these sessions were compiled and used by the author (Dr. Marjorie Coppock) over a three year period to guide young women who came to the Pregnancy Care Center (San Antonio). The young women responded well to the materials presented and expressed appreciation for the help.
Each session has been entered as a separate blog in this blogsite. (www.concerningthis.blogspot.com)
The topic of each session and the date entered into the blogsite are listed below.
Session 1. Skills of Listening and Communicating - February 21, 2016
Session 2. Solving Conflicts Constructively - February 26, 2016
Session 3. Wise Money Management - March 4, 2016
Session 4. Parenting Your Children - March 10, 2016
Session 5. Passing on Family Traditions - March 21, 2016
Session 6. Creating Health and Wellness - March 27, 2016
Session 7. Good Nutrition - April 1, 2016
Session 8. Attitudes of Gratitude - April 6, 2016
**************************
Individuals, schools, churches, and community organizations are invited and encouraged to use these (or other) materials to offer parenting sessions to help families solve the problems of living together in a constructive and loving way.
The PDF file and docx file of this series of eight parenting classes is also located on my website: www.wrestlingwithangels.com under the section 'Related Essays'. It is entitled: "Turning the Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships". It can be downloaded at no cost.
Showing posts with label money management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money management. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Friday, March 4, 2016
Keys to Healthy and Loving Family Relationships: Session 3. Wise Money Management
Happy and healthy family relationships grow from decisions to work through all the problems of life in a constructive and loving way. The materials provided here may be used to guide discussion and consideration for a 50-60- minute parenting class to help parents grow into strong, supportive and loving mentors for their children.
Finances, Feelings and Relationships. (1)
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families.
- In a survey of newlyweds, money ranked 2 out of 14 areas of disagreement.
- Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce.
- The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases.
The way money is spent in families is related to feelings people have about what is expected. Family members struggle to obtain family money resources for their own activities and interests.
Family relationships require commitment, understanding, cooperation and concern for the feelings and welfare of all members of the family.
Problems develop when money decisions create distance and resentment.
Example 1. "No, I do not want to see your hang glider. Nor do I want to watch you hang gliding. That money was supposed to be used for a family vacation."
Example 2. "What do you mean 'sell that old hutch'. That hutch belonged to my great-grandmother. If you really loved me you'd know how much it mean to me."
In our materialistic culture we often find ourselves using people and loving things. The spirit of charity instructs us to love people and use things.
When a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each family member, relationships crumble and families often come apart.
Manage Your Money Wisely
Know what your income is and how much money is coming in. Spend less!
Learn the difference between what you need and what you want.
Consider you present needs and your future needs,
Including a home or apartment:
life, health and disability insurance to protect loved ones;
and retirement.
Is Money your master or your servant? (2)
Money may be your master if...
* You avoid discussing finances with your partner,
* Money is the subject of family fights,
* You don't know how much is coming in,
* You don't know how much you spend,
* Your bills are bigger than you expect,
* You buy many items on credit,
* You only make minimum payment on credit cards,
* You often pay bills late,
* You are spending carelessly on things you don't need,
* You spend on things that are harmful to you,
* You often run out of money before the end of the month ,
* You do not save money for future expenses,
* You suffer stress related to money.
Plan ahead for those expenses that only come due once or twice a year.
Put money in savings during the year to be prepared:
* property taxes,
* Insurance,
* car registration, car insurance,
* tuition fees,
* vacations,
* holiday celebrations,
* birthdays,
* etc.
Money Maxims (3)
* Money problems are usually behavior problems.
* If you spend your money on something you value, you feel satisfied. If you spend money on something you do not value, you feel frustrated.
* The values of an individual should never be equated with the person's net worth.
* Be grateful for what you have. Enough is enough.
* The best things in life are free.
* Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
* Plug the holes where money disappears without knowing where it went.
* That person is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
* Money can't buy love. It is better to have love with no money than to have money with no love.
Getting Out of Debt (4)
Accelerated Repayment:
Pay off the principal as quickly as possible to reduce the interest that is accumulating. When extra money is added to regular payments the extra money goes to paying off the principal.
The Fold-down Plan:
This plan involves paying off one debt and then using the amount you had been paying to that debt to pay off another debt (until all are paid).
Ways to Lower Your Utility Bill!
The appliances that create heat or remove heat use the most watts. So use less of them. Use fans or ceiling fans instead of the air conditioner. Using fans with AC allows you to raise the temperature 5 degrees. Wash laundry in cold water. Dry your clothes on a clothesline in the sun. Wash dishes by hand. Pay your bills on time to avoid disconnect fees!
THOUGHTS TO PONDER
What do you value the most? (your highest priorities)
How is your money being spent? (Is your money supporting your priorities?)
What behavior problems are leading to money problems?
What holes need to be plugged where money disappears?
At what points have you failed to consider the feelings of others in your family in regard to how the money is spent?
The Godliness of Contentment
There is great gain in godliness with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world; but if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content.
Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is the root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced their hearts with many pangs.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be yours as well.
Matthews 6:23.
References:
1. Bernard E. Poduska. For Love and Money. Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
2. Awake magazine, "Is Money Your Master or your servant". March 2009. Page 4.
3. Bernard E. Poduska, Ibid
4. Ibid
Finances, Feelings and Relationships. (1)
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families.
- In a survey of newlyweds, money ranked 2 out of 14 areas of disagreement.
- Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce.
- The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases.
The way money is spent in families is related to feelings people have about what is expected. Family members struggle to obtain family money resources for their own activities and interests.
Family relationships require commitment, understanding, cooperation and concern for the feelings and welfare of all members of the family.
Problems develop when money decisions create distance and resentment.
Example 1. "No, I do not want to see your hang glider. Nor do I want to watch you hang gliding. That money was supposed to be used for a family vacation."
Example 2. "What do you mean 'sell that old hutch'. That hutch belonged to my great-grandmother. If you really loved me you'd know how much it mean to me."
In our materialistic culture we often find ourselves using people and loving things. The spirit of charity instructs us to love people and use things.
When a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each family member, relationships crumble and families often come apart.
Manage Your Money Wisely
Know what your income is and how much money is coming in. Spend less!
Learn the difference between what you need and what you want.
Consider you present needs and your future needs,
Including a home or apartment:
life, health and disability insurance to protect loved ones;
and retirement.
Is Money your master or your servant? (2)
Money may be your master if...
* You avoid discussing finances with your partner,
* Money is the subject of family fights,
* You don't know how much is coming in,
* You don't know how much you spend,
* Your bills are bigger than you expect,
* You buy many items on credit,
* You only make minimum payment on credit cards,
* You often pay bills late,
* You are spending carelessly on things you don't need,
* You spend on things that are harmful to you,
* You often run out of money before the end of the month ,
* You do not save money for future expenses,
* You suffer stress related to money.
Plan ahead for those expenses that only come due once or twice a year.
Put money in savings during the year to be prepared:
* property taxes,
* Insurance,
* car registration, car insurance,
* tuition fees,
* vacations,
* holiday celebrations,
* birthdays,
* etc.
Money Maxims (3)
* Money problems are usually behavior problems.
* If you spend your money on something you value, you feel satisfied. If you spend money on something you do not value, you feel frustrated.
* The values of an individual should never be equated with the person's net worth.
* Be grateful for what you have. Enough is enough.
* The best things in life are free.
* Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
* Plug the holes where money disappears without knowing where it went.
* That person is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
* Money can't buy love. It is better to have love with no money than to have money with no love.
Getting Out of Debt (4)
Accelerated Repayment:
Pay off the principal as quickly as possible to reduce the interest that is accumulating. When extra money is added to regular payments the extra money goes to paying off the principal.
The Fold-down Plan:
This plan involves paying off one debt and then using the amount you had been paying to that debt to pay off another debt (until all are paid).
Ways to Lower Your Utility Bill!
The appliances that create heat or remove heat use the most watts. So use less of them. Use fans or ceiling fans instead of the air conditioner. Using fans with AC allows you to raise the temperature 5 degrees. Wash laundry in cold water. Dry your clothes on a clothesline in the sun. Wash dishes by hand. Pay your bills on time to avoid disconnect fees!
THOUGHTS TO PONDER
What do you value the most? (your highest priorities)
How is your money being spent? (Is your money supporting your priorities?)
What behavior problems are leading to money problems?
What holes need to be plugged where money disappears?
At what points have you failed to consider the feelings of others in your family in regard to how the money is spent?
The Godliness of Contentment
There is great gain in godliness with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world; but if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content.
Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is the root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced their hearts with many pangs.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be yours as well.
Matthews 6:23.
References:
1. Bernard E. Poduska. For Love and Money. Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
2. Awake magazine, "Is Money Your Master or your servant". March 2009. Page 4.
3. Bernard E. Poduska, Ibid
4. Ibid
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Keys To Loving Family Relationships
Loving relationships within the family lay a foundation for personal health and wellness. Families are a special way that love and healing are made manifest. The family is the unique organization in which we become whole in our relationships. This wholeness requires that we grow in the graces of faithfulness, patience, forgiveness and self-control. From these graces flow the joy and peace of connectedness and loving assurance.
Our modern culture emphasizes self-interest, but it is within the family that we accept others into our definition of self. Families are under stress today because social pressures that once held families together are weakened. We want our family to be a place of joy and happiness. It is up to us to make it happen.
We'll focus on four keys that will help to unlock loving relationships in our families:
* Positive communication;
* Conflict resolution;
* Money management;
* and Attitudes of gratefulness.
POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
Families provide for us a sense of companionship and completeness. Communication is essential for the expression of these relationships. When communication breaks down, love is blocked. Resentment and hostility replace companionship. Communication takes time. We need to clear our schedules of activities that keep us from communicating with each other.
In many families the key to communication cannot be found. The doors to meaningful discussions are locked. Communication involves talking, listening and understanding. Unfortunately we often are more inclined to talk about our own wants than to listen to the concerns of others. All people have an immense need to be truly listened to. Communication also requires that you share yourself verbally and non verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are sharing.
Thoughts to Ponder
1. Communication is to love what blood is to the body. When communication breaks down, love is blocked.
2. Words have power. Choose them carefully. Words can hurt, injure, and anger, or they can heal, help and comfort.
3. Research shows that tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures communicate even more effectively than words.
4. Do your words, facial expressions and body language encourage loving family relationship?
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Conflict is natural when people live together. Our creator has made each of us differently, and family members seek to protect their uniqueness. When we are threatened, we feel an impulse to attack. Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs and needs. We truly love the members of our family when we understand and appreciate the ways in which they are unique. Conflict in families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences. Conflicts are to be resolved, not avoided. Conflict resolution requires working together, listening, and caring. Make your family a place of safety through resolving conflict in a healthy way.
Ground rules for conflict
1. Realize that conflict is natural. People who live together will experience conflict.
2. Don't try to win. Make it a win-win solution where everyone feels OK.
3. Find a way to de-escalate. Look for the positive. Hurtful comments increase defensiveness.
4. Keep the big picture in mind. Don't let molehills become mountains.
MONEY MANAGEMENT
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families. Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce. The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases. Problems develop when decisions about money create distance and resentment. Family members should feel that their needs and values are supported by the way in which family finances are spent.
The value of a family member should never be equated with the person's net worth. Family relationships can be destroyed if a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each other. Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
Questions to ponder
1. Is your money being spent to support your priorities?
2. Are behavior problems leading to money problems?
3. What holes need to be plugged where money disappears without knowing where it went?
4. Have you considered the feelings of other family members in regard to how the family money is spent?
ATTITUDES OF GRATEFULNESS
Appreciating the people who live in our family is foundational to loving relationshilps. The dynamic that keeps a family happy is a positive attitude. We are trained in our culture to focus on the problems that need to be solved. We too often develop a negative attitude and resent the people in our family who aren't living up to our expectations. When we cling too tightly to expectations, we lose a sense of appreciation for the goodness in those around us. Often the best way to eliminate negative behaviors is to accentuate the positive ones.
Growing in gratitude
1. To create joy in your relationships, focus on what is admirable about the people in your family.
2. When family members do something good, say so! "Thank you" and "I like that" are powerful tools for good relationships.
3. Negative impasses will break down when a positive attitude replaces anger.
4. You can choose what to pay attention to. Focus on what is wonderful about the other person.
Loving relationships don't just happen. They are the result of a decision and commitment to grow in understanding amidst all the problems and concerns that family life presents throughout the years. You can turn the keys to loving family relationships.
REFERENCES:
* Poduska, Bernard E. For Love and Money: A Guide to Finances & Relationships.Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
* Ryan, M.J. Attitudes of Gratitude in Love: Creating More Joy in Your Relationship. NY: MJF Books. 2002.
* Whiteman, Thomas A., Ph.D. and Thomas G. Bartlett, Ph.D. The Marriage Mender: A Couple's Guide for Staying Together. Colorado Springs, CO:NAVPress.1996
Our modern culture emphasizes self-interest, but it is within the family that we accept others into our definition of self. Families are under stress today because social pressures that once held families together are weakened. We want our family to be a place of joy and happiness. It is up to us to make it happen.
We'll focus on four keys that will help to unlock loving relationships in our families:
* Positive communication;
* Conflict resolution;
* Money management;
* and Attitudes of gratefulness.
POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
Families provide for us a sense of companionship and completeness. Communication is essential for the expression of these relationships. When communication breaks down, love is blocked. Resentment and hostility replace companionship. Communication takes time. We need to clear our schedules of activities that keep us from communicating with each other.
In many families the key to communication cannot be found. The doors to meaningful discussions are locked. Communication involves talking, listening and understanding. Unfortunately we often are more inclined to talk about our own wants than to listen to the concerns of others. All people have an immense need to be truly listened to. Communication also requires that you share yourself verbally and non verbally in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you are sharing.
Thoughts to Ponder
1. Communication is to love what blood is to the body. When communication breaks down, love is blocked.
2. Words have power. Choose them carefully. Words can hurt, injure, and anger, or they can heal, help and comfort.
3. Research shows that tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures communicate even more effectively than words.
4. Do your words, facial expressions and body language encourage loving family relationship?
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Conflict is natural when people live together. Our creator has made each of us differently, and family members seek to protect their uniqueness. When we are threatened, we feel an impulse to attack. Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs and needs. We truly love the members of our family when we understand and appreciate the ways in which they are unique. Conflict in families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences. Conflicts are to be resolved, not avoided. Conflict resolution requires working together, listening, and caring. Make your family a place of safety through resolving conflict in a healthy way.
Ground rules for conflict
1. Realize that conflict is natural. People who live together will experience conflict.
2. Don't try to win. Make it a win-win solution where everyone feels OK.
3. Find a way to de-escalate. Look for the positive. Hurtful comments increase defensiveness.
4. Keep the big picture in mind. Don't let molehills become mountains.
MONEY MANAGEMENT
Money problems often cause anger and conflict in families. Money problems rank among the top four reasons leading to divorce. The problems increase as the number of people in the family increases. Problems develop when decisions about money create distance and resentment. Family members should feel that their needs and values are supported by the way in which family finances are spent.
The value of a family member should never be equated with the person's net worth. Family relationships can be destroyed if a love of things becomes a higher priority than a love of each other. Freedom from money problems more often results from spending less than earning more.
Questions to ponder
1. Is your money being spent to support your priorities?
2. Are behavior problems leading to money problems?
3. What holes need to be plugged where money disappears without knowing where it went?
4. Have you considered the feelings of other family members in regard to how the family money is spent?
ATTITUDES OF GRATEFULNESS
Appreciating the people who live in our family is foundational to loving relationshilps. The dynamic that keeps a family happy is a positive attitude. We are trained in our culture to focus on the problems that need to be solved. We too often develop a negative attitude and resent the people in our family who aren't living up to our expectations. When we cling too tightly to expectations, we lose a sense of appreciation for the goodness in those around us. Often the best way to eliminate negative behaviors is to accentuate the positive ones.
Growing in gratitude
1. To create joy in your relationships, focus on what is admirable about the people in your family.
2. When family members do something good, say so! "Thank you" and "I like that" are powerful tools for good relationships.
3. Negative impasses will break down when a positive attitude replaces anger.
4. You can choose what to pay attention to. Focus on what is wonderful about the other person.
Loving relationships don't just happen. They are the result of a decision and commitment to grow in understanding amidst all the problems and concerns that family life presents throughout the years. You can turn the keys to loving family relationships.
REFERENCES:
* Poduska, Bernard E. For Love and Money: A Guide to Finances & Relationships.Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Pub. 1993.
* Ryan, M.J. Attitudes of Gratitude in Love: Creating More Joy in Your Relationship. NY: MJF Books. 2002.
* Whiteman, Thomas A., Ph.D. and Thomas G. Bartlett, Ph.D. The Marriage Mender: A Couple's Guide for Staying Together. Colorado Springs, CO:NAVPress.1996
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