Socialism is a vast bureaucracy dictated by the few for the good of the few and the control of the many. A small, elite governing body is responsible for making decisions. Socialism requires total control over the teaching of its citizenry and control over the relationships of its subjects. Citizens are asked, even required, to report their neighbor to government officials for even suspected violations of government directives.
NEED FOR CHECKS AND BALANCES
The beauty, freedom and strength of America, however, and of existence itself lies in a multiplicity of ideas and variations in cultural interpretations. This multiplicity of ideas maintains the checks and balances that prevent abuses of power and encourages evaluation and growth. It is the faith of the free system of government that open and honest debate provides a foundation where the general population can choose what form of laws and regulations will best serve the greatest good. The government is then held accountable to the people for its continuing existence.
U.S. MOVES TOWARD ECONOMIC SOCIALISM
As we watch the economic breakdown in the United States two weeks now before the election of a new president, it becomes evident that decisions by small, elite groups in both business and government have undermined our free economic system and replaced it with economic socialism. We have been misled and misdirected.
We are informed that it is in our best interest to move toward socialism in this time of economic crisis.
POLITICALLY CORRECT SOCIALISM
Socialism has been rampant in the universities for decades. I entered Cornell University to return to graduate school in the early 1970's, another era of social crisis. Watergate trials were playing non-stop on the television. The Vietnam war was waging. Minorities and women were challenging the university system for equal rights. The ideology being presented by the elite academic gurus was that we needed to move toward socialism. 'Benevolent dictatorship' was whispered to be the obvious solution. A chill ran down my spine, because 'benevolent dictatorship' is a contradiction in terms. Socialism continues to be 'politically correct' in the major universities.
In the 1800's, the historian and moralist, Lord Acton, noted the corrupting behavior of absolute power.
"POWER CORRUPTS AND ABSOLUTE POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY"
Germany, the Soviet Union, and other communist countries have shown us the tragedies related to socialist perspectives in governance, and how all citizens can be drawn into these tragedies.
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, in his book, The Gulag Archpelago, describes the atrocities of the Soviet prison system. He asks, "Where did this wolf-tribe appear from among our people? Does it really stem from our own roots? Our own blood? It is our own."
He concluldes, "If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being."1.
THE BANALITY OF EVIL
In 1961, Hannah Arendt reported on the trial of Otto Adolf Eichmann. She describes the banality of evil, noting that while the deeds Eichmann committed were monstrous, Eichmann, himself, was quite ordinary, neither demonic nor monstrous. What Arendt noticed was thoughtlessness, an inability to think. His responses were cliches, stock phrases, and standardized codes of expression.2.
We revolt in horror when we consider what was done in Nazi Germany by medical doctors. Robert Jay Lifton researched and reported the systematic genocide in Auschwitz and elsewhere. He noted that the Nazi motivation of 'killing as a therapeutic imperative' for the good of the Volk compelled medical doctors to participate in the Nazi eugenic vision. Doctors held no authority in deciding orders. They were powerless cogs in a vast machine, a faceless detached bureaucracy.3.
Lifton outlines the principle of 'doubling' which involves the formation of a second, relatively autonomous self, which enables one to participate in evil, while maintaining a prior self that continues as a family person and humane member of society.
CALL FOR CRITICAL THINKNG
Lifton notes that most Nazi doctors were not beasts, they were very ordinary people with families and children. However, the whole society failed to exercise the faculty of thinking critically.
Our present day 'preachings of political correctness' come dangerously close to careless and thoughtless cliches, stock phrases, and standardized codes of expression. We are being intimidated into accepting behaviors that render atrocious consequences.
Lifton concludes his discussions on doubling by saying, "In light of the recent record of professionals engaged in mass killings, can this be the century of doubling? Or, given the ever greater potential of professionalization of genocide, will that distinction belong to the twenty-first century? Or, may one ask a little more softly, can we interrupt the process - first, by naming it." 4.
COURAGE OF OUR CONVICTIONS
A crisis is that point in an illness where the patient either recovers or dies. The survival of democracy and the maintenance of the free citizen is dependent upon the vital reactivation of citizen awareness and critical thinking on the part of all. Most importantly, it requires the courage to speak out in support of our convictions.
REFERENCES:
1. Solzhenitsyn, Aleksandr. The Gulag Archipelago. In Literary Cavalcade. Jan. 1976. Vol. 28, No. 4. Pg. 41.
2. Assy, Bethania. "Eichmann, the Banality of Evil, and Thinking in Arendt's Thought". Pg. 1. http://www.bu.edu/wcp/Papers/Cont/ContAssy.htm.
3. Lifton, Robert Jay. The Nazi Doctors: Medical Killing and the Psychology of Genocide. Basic Books. (1986)2000. Pgs. 14-15.
4. Lifton, pg.465.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
It's Not Our Economy, S-------. It's Our Character! What Happened To The Dream?
The economy took a record breaking decline last week, 4 weeks before our presidential election, and the media pundits are telling us that this is all we should be concerned about. The candidates, Barack Obama and John McCain, roll out their strategies for economic recovery, although we know, and they know, that they don't have a clue as to what they will be able to do about this. There appears to be enough blame to go around.
As I watch the presidential debates, I am proud that Barack, Hillary, and Sarah have stood up to demonstrate their strength of leadership, alongside John and Joe. As a teacher and professor I have encouraged equal rights for all.
But I am concerned.
What is needed at this junction in history are leaders who have the WISDOM, WILL and COURAGE to help us restore a greater loss than money.
OUR BROKEN DREAM
On August 28th, 1963 my husband and I joined a carload from our (white, suburban) church to attend the March on Washington For Jobs and Freedom which was
organized by black ministers, including Dr.,Rev. Martin Luther King,Jr. We stood at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial as Dr. King challenged us to build a country where people were judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I believe that Dr. King, an eloquent Baptist minister, was calling us all to social, personal and moral responsibility.
Somewhere along the line the American Dream moved away from a focus on personal responsibility to a focus on personal indulgence and the acquisition of material goods. Hedonism was placed on the throne, with personal pleasure in the present as our primary goal.
THE DREAM TURNED PLASTIC
Credit card debt has become a major problem to many Americans. Beginning in the 1950's the convenience of plastic money enticed us into a compulsive consumer economy. Instead of saving and buying with cash, we were told that we can have it all now, so 'charge ahead'!
In 2004, the average family owed $8,000 on their credit cards. Credit card companies send us endless invitations telling us that we are preapproved to open an account. Even high school students receive them. 1.
We bought into it, buying cars, boats, houses and all the furniture.
SEX SELLS!
Sex represents the ultimate personal indulgence. Sex, a powerful motivator, is used to sell products.
Advertisements have long used provocative women and sultry men to sell products from cars to cigarettes. Perverse images of sexuality are presented repeatedly to sell us products every seven minutes. When we become bored with one level of perversity, the shock value increases to continue attracting our attention, regardless of what this is doing to our ability to respect each other and our relationships.
Previously young women were raised with the awareness that sex was related to babies and sexuality was sacred, something to be saved for motherhood and family.
When the 'pill' was introduced in 1960, sex for its own sake became possible. Women were enticed into presenting themselves as sexually available and spontaneous.
Young people were drawn into early and promiscuous sexual relationships with tragic consequences.
PERSONAL AND SOCIAL TRAGEDIES - SEX SELLS AND WE BOUGHT
The hard truth is that most personal and social problems are the result of our inability to protect and nurture caring family relationships. Female headed households became the single most reason for the rapid increase in poverty for women and children.
Births Out-of-Wedlock
In 1960, 4% of births were to unmarried women. By 2005, out-of-wedlock births accounted for 37% of babies born in the United States. 2.
* In 1950, five out of six black children were born into a 2 parent home, now 70% are born outside of marriage. 3.
Divorce
Following the establishment of no-fault divorce laws in the 1970's, the number of divorces increased rapidly, In 1970, 4 million Americans had divorced. By the year 2000, the number had grown to 22 million. 4.
* Divorce and separation rates for blacks are now 50% higher than for whites. 5.
Fatherless Homes
The breakdown of marriage and family led to fatherless households. Many men are removed from the responsible and nurturing role of parenting.
Sobering federal statistics report that children from fatherless homes include the large majority of behavioral problems, teen suicides, juveniles in detention, school dropouts, children in chemical-abuse centers, youth in prison, and homeless and runaway children. 6.
Abortion
Since Roe vs. Wade in 1973, more than 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S. Over 80% of abortions were performed on unmarried women, and over 50% to women under 25. 7.
*In 2000, blacks made up 17% of live births but 36% of all abortions. 8.
Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)
By March of 2008, 1 in 4 teen girls had at least one STD. The most common, the human papilloma virus causes cervical cancer. The second most common, chlamydia, can lead to infertility.
*Nearly half of black teens had one or more STD's. 9.
By 2005, AIDS in the U.S. had claimed over 530,000 lives. The first cases were reported in the U.S. in 1981 in the homosexual community. 77% of those infected with AIDS are males.
*Blacks represent 12% of the U.S. population, but represent over 50% of accumulated AIDS cases. 10.
Bisexual and casual sexual behaviors transferred this disease to women. In 2005, of the 126,964 women living with HIV/AIDS in the U.S., 64% were black, 19% were white, and 15% were Hispanic. 11.
ALCOHOL ABUSE 12.
The tragedies of nicotine use and illegal drugs cause immense personal and social problems, but my focus here is on problems caused by the legal and socially accepted drug of alcohol.
Alcohol is used for sociability in our society and advertisers present it as the life of the party, without presenting the tragic consequences that often result.
Binge drinking is a major problem at colleges. Even one-third of high school students report binge drinking.
Alcohol impairs muscular coodination and mental judgment and is responsible for 22% of all auto fatalities. Over 17,000 deaths occur each year in alcohol related accidents.
The bill for alcohol related abuse may run as high as $100 billion a year in responding to lost employment, crime, date rape, family abuse and family breakdown.
About 43% of adults have experienced alcoholism in their family.
Each year 5,000 children are born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
A CALL FOR WISDOM, WILL AND COURAGE
In three weeks we will vote for the next president of the United States of America.
Who will have the wisdom, will, and courage to call us to restore the content of our character?
Who can lead us back to citizenship and social, personal, and moral responsibility so the foundation of our country can be protected and restored?
There is enough blame to go around.
Let's all decide to get rich a little bit slower and care for each other.
REFERENCES
1. "Secret History of the Credit Card". Frontline. Posted Nov. 23, 2004. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/credit/view.
2. Associated Press. Nov. 21, 2006. MSNBC.com.
3.Cosby, Bill and Alvin F. Poussaint, MD.Come On People. Thomas Nelson. Nashville. 2007:2,14.
4. Henslin, James M. Social Problems. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall. 2000:371
5. Cosby, pg. 17.
6. Alexander, Mark M. "Fatherless in America". June 17, 2005. www.townhall.com/Common.
7. Center for Disease Control- Abortion Surveillance - U.S. 2000.
8. Lott, John R. and Sonya D. Jones. "Abortion Rate Among Black Women Far Exceeds Rate for Other Groups". April 9, 2008. http://www.foxnews.com.
9. The Associated Press. March 11, 2008. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940.
10. Center for Disease Control HIV/AIDS. 9/8/2007. http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance.
11. HIV/AIDS Among Women. 5/26/2008. http://www.cdc/gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets.
12. Henslin, James M. Social Problems Prentice Hall. Saddle River, NJ. 2000:105-106.
Palen, J. John. Social Problems for the Twenty-first Century.McGraw Hill. 2001:370-371.
Parrillo, Vincent N., John Stimson and Ardyth Stimson. Contemporary Social Problems. Allyn and Bacon. 1999:58-59.
As I watch the presidential debates, I am proud that Barack, Hillary, and Sarah have stood up to demonstrate their strength of leadership, alongside John and Joe. As a teacher and professor I have encouraged equal rights for all.
But I am concerned.
What is needed at this junction in history are leaders who have the WISDOM, WILL and COURAGE to help us restore a greater loss than money.
OUR BROKEN DREAM
On August 28th, 1963 my husband and I joined a carload from our (white, suburban) church to attend the March on Washington For Jobs and Freedom which was
organized by black ministers, including Dr.,Rev. Martin Luther King,Jr. We stood at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial as Dr. King challenged us to build a country where people were judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I believe that Dr. King, an eloquent Baptist minister, was calling us all to social, personal and moral responsibility.
Somewhere along the line the American Dream moved away from a focus on personal responsibility to a focus on personal indulgence and the acquisition of material goods. Hedonism was placed on the throne, with personal pleasure in the present as our primary goal.
THE DREAM TURNED PLASTIC
Credit card debt has become a major problem to many Americans. Beginning in the 1950's the convenience of plastic money enticed us into a compulsive consumer economy. Instead of saving and buying with cash, we were told that we can have it all now, so 'charge ahead'!
In 2004, the average family owed $8,000 on their credit cards. Credit card companies send us endless invitations telling us that we are preapproved to open an account. Even high school students receive them. 1.
We bought into it, buying cars, boats, houses and all the furniture.
SEX SELLS!
Sex represents the ultimate personal indulgence. Sex, a powerful motivator, is used to sell products.
Advertisements have long used provocative women and sultry men to sell products from cars to cigarettes. Perverse images of sexuality are presented repeatedly to sell us products every seven minutes. When we become bored with one level of perversity, the shock value increases to continue attracting our attention, regardless of what this is doing to our ability to respect each other and our relationships.
Previously young women were raised with the awareness that sex was related to babies and sexuality was sacred, something to be saved for motherhood and family.
When the 'pill' was introduced in 1960, sex for its own sake became possible. Women were enticed into presenting themselves as sexually available and spontaneous.
Young people were drawn into early and promiscuous sexual relationships with tragic consequences.
PERSONAL AND SOCIAL TRAGEDIES - SEX SELLS AND WE BOUGHT
The hard truth is that most personal and social problems are the result of our inability to protect and nurture caring family relationships. Female headed households became the single most reason for the rapid increase in poverty for women and children.
Births Out-of-Wedlock
In 1960, 4% of births were to unmarried women. By 2005, out-of-wedlock births accounted for 37% of babies born in the United States. 2.
* In 1950, five out of six black children were born into a 2 parent home, now 70% are born outside of marriage. 3.
Divorce
Following the establishment of no-fault divorce laws in the 1970's, the number of divorces increased rapidly, In 1970, 4 million Americans had divorced. By the year 2000, the number had grown to 22 million. 4.
* Divorce and separation rates for blacks are now 50% higher than for whites. 5.
Fatherless Homes
The breakdown of marriage and family led to fatherless households. Many men are removed from the responsible and nurturing role of parenting.
Sobering federal statistics report that children from fatherless homes include the large majority of behavioral problems, teen suicides, juveniles in detention, school dropouts, children in chemical-abuse centers, youth in prison, and homeless and runaway children. 6.
Abortion
Since Roe vs. Wade in 1973, more than 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S. Over 80% of abortions were performed on unmarried women, and over 50% to women under 25. 7.
*In 2000, blacks made up 17% of live births but 36% of all abortions. 8.
Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)
By March of 2008, 1 in 4 teen girls had at least one STD. The most common, the human papilloma virus causes cervical cancer. The second most common, chlamydia, can lead to infertility.
*Nearly half of black teens had one or more STD's. 9.
By 2005, AIDS in the U.S. had claimed over 530,000 lives. The first cases were reported in the U.S. in 1981 in the homosexual community. 77% of those infected with AIDS are males.
*Blacks represent 12% of the U.S. population, but represent over 50% of accumulated AIDS cases. 10.
Bisexual and casual sexual behaviors transferred this disease to women. In 2005, of the 126,964 women living with HIV/AIDS in the U.S., 64% were black, 19% were white, and 15% were Hispanic. 11.
ALCOHOL ABUSE 12.
The tragedies of nicotine use and illegal drugs cause immense personal and social problems, but my focus here is on problems caused by the legal and socially accepted drug of alcohol.
Alcohol is used for sociability in our society and advertisers present it as the life of the party, without presenting the tragic consequences that often result.
Binge drinking is a major problem at colleges. Even one-third of high school students report binge drinking.
Alcohol impairs muscular coodination and mental judgment and is responsible for 22% of all auto fatalities. Over 17,000 deaths occur each year in alcohol related accidents.
The bill for alcohol related abuse may run as high as $100 billion a year in responding to lost employment, crime, date rape, family abuse and family breakdown.
About 43% of adults have experienced alcoholism in their family.
Each year 5,000 children are born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
A CALL FOR WISDOM, WILL AND COURAGE
In three weeks we will vote for the next president of the United States of America.
Who will have the wisdom, will, and courage to call us to restore the content of our character?
Who can lead us back to citizenship and social, personal, and moral responsibility so the foundation of our country can be protected and restored?
There is enough blame to go around.
Let's all decide to get rich a little bit slower and care for each other.
REFERENCES
1. "Secret History of the Credit Card". Frontline. Posted Nov. 23, 2004. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/credit/view.
2. Associated Press. Nov. 21, 2006. MSNBC.com.
3.Cosby, Bill and Alvin F. Poussaint, MD.Come On People. Thomas Nelson. Nashville. 2007:2,14.
4. Henslin, James M. Social Problems. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall. 2000:371
5. Cosby, pg. 17.
6. Alexander, Mark M. "Fatherless in America". June 17, 2005. www.townhall.com/Common.
7. Center for Disease Control- Abortion Surveillance - U.S. 2000.
8. Lott, John R. and Sonya D. Jones. "Abortion Rate Among Black Women Far Exceeds Rate for Other Groups". April 9, 2008. http://www.foxnews.com.
9. The Associated Press. March 11, 2008. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940.
10. Center for Disease Control HIV/AIDS. 9/8/2007. http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance.
11. HIV/AIDS Among Women. 5/26/2008. http://www.cdc/gov/hiv/topics/women/resources/factsheets.
12. Henslin, James M. Social Problems Prentice Hall. Saddle River, NJ. 2000:105-106.
Palen, J. John. Social Problems for the Twenty-first Century.McGraw Hill. 2001:370-371.
Parrillo, Vincent N., John Stimson and Ardyth Stimson. Contemporary Social Problems. Allyn and Bacon. 1999:58-59.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Economic Socialism Endangers Our Freedoms!
OUR FREEDOMS AT STAKE!
Our very freedoms are at stake in the horrendous request that asks taxpayers to give the government SEVEN HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS of their hard earned money to bail out fiascos on wall street.
Our free enterprise system is the foundation that allows many voices to be heard and considered and many enterprises to be established to support values.
IT'S TIME TO STOP ALL THE POLITICAL RHETORIC AND INVESTIGATE WHAT AND WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DEBACLE.
Giving government bureaucrats at the treasury department centralized control over the money available for making business loans and more importantly giving them the authority to decide the eligibility rules as to who will receive these loans moves us into the realm of economic socialism.
Government bureaucracies are under the control of 'political correctness' that is being orchestrated by the far left. This concern becomes evident as we examine government control of the public school system.
POLITICALLY CORRECT BUREAUCRATS AND THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS
Moral and religious values of many, I would suggest most, of the students and parents are held in contempt as educational bureaucrats use the public school system to present promiscuous teenage sexuality, homosexuality and abortion as normalized behaviors, even in the elementary grades.
The importance of our religious values and heritage are dismissed within the public schools. My own 8 year old grandson informed me that "We're not allowed to talk about God in school".
As a teacher and professor I have sat through at least 4 extended 'politically correct' indoctrination sessions incorrectly promoted as diversity training. I have watched students and teachers who were 'put down' or even dismissed from their profession for failing to buy into the 'diversified indoctrination".
POLITICALLY CORRECT BUREAUCRATS AND OUR ECONOMIC SYSTEM
Now we want to put government bureaucrats in charge of deciding who or what economic loans are justified and possible? Will similar 'politically correct' criteria be used to make these decisions? Will health industries, private schools, books stores, theaters, department stores, etc. first be required to adjust their offerings to 'political correctness' before they can receive loans? Will the 'I Love Jesus Tire and Brake Service' be required to change its name before a loan is made?
Our foremothers and forefathers, often leaving all behind, came to this country to escape the tyranny of government control over their minds and souls.
Our greed to consume is undermining the spiritual and moral values that have made our country strong. The demand for easy credit and living beyond our means is undermining our integrity.
Dying of consumption is not a good way to go!
IT'S TIME TO EXAMINE OURSELVES! IT'S TIME TO BE ECONOMICALLY RESPONSIBLE AND PROTECT OUR ECONOMIC FREEDOMS!
Our very freedoms are at stake in the horrendous request that asks taxpayers to give the government SEVEN HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS of their hard earned money to bail out fiascos on wall street.
Our free enterprise system is the foundation that allows many voices to be heard and considered and many enterprises to be established to support values.
IT'S TIME TO STOP ALL THE POLITICAL RHETORIC AND INVESTIGATE WHAT AND WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DEBACLE.
Giving government bureaucrats at the treasury department centralized control over the money available for making business loans and more importantly giving them the authority to decide the eligibility rules as to who will receive these loans moves us into the realm of economic socialism.
Government bureaucracies are under the control of 'political correctness' that is being orchestrated by the far left. This concern becomes evident as we examine government control of the public school system.
POLITICALLY CORRECT BUREAUCRATS AND THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS
Moral and religious values of many, I would suggest most, of the students and parents are held in contempt as educational bureaucrats use the public school system to present promiscuous teenage sexuality, homosexuality and abortion as normalized behaviors, even in the elementary grades.
The importance of our religious values and heritage are dismissed within the public schools. My own 8 year old grandson informed me that "We're not allowed to talk about God in school".
As a teacher and professor I have sat through at least 4 extended 'politically correct' indoctrination sessions incorrectly promoted as diversity training. I have watched students and teachers who were 'put down' or even dismissed from their profession for failing to buy into the 'diversified indoctrination".
POLITICALLY CORRECT BUREAUCRATS AND OUR ECONOMIC SYSTEM
Now we want to put government bureaucrats in charge of deciding who or what economic loans are justified and possible? Will similar 'politically correct' criteria be used to make these decisions? Will health industries, private schools, books stores, theaters, department stores, etc. first be required to adjust their offerings to 'political correctness' before they can receive loans? Will the 'I Love Jesus Tire and Brake Service' be required to change its name before a loan is made?
Our foremothers and forefathers, often leaving all behind, came to this country to escape the tyranny of government control over their minds and souls.
Our greed to consume is undermining the spiritual and moral values that have made our country strong. The demand for easy credit and living beyond our means is undermining our integrity.
Dying of consumption is not a good way to go!
IT'S TIME TO EXAMINE OURSELVES! IT'S TIME TO BE ECONOMICALLY RESPONSIBLE AND PROTECT OUR ECONOMIC FREEDOMS!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Holy Humanism! It's Politically Correct!
Political correctness has become the mantra of our present day culture. Where did it come from and what is involved in this often intimidating social trend?
The blueprint for political correctness is summarized in two articles of 'faith': Humanist Manifesto I and Humanist Manifesto II.
HUMANIST MANIFESTO I- POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS BORN
In 1933, 34 people signed the Humanist Manifesto I with the intent of establishing a new religion. Included within this group were professors of major universities and ethical societies. Fifteen signers were Unitarians. Included in this group was the educator, John Dewey.
This document outlined the premises of this new religion.
"Today man's larger understanding of the universe, his scientific achievements, and deeper appreciation of brotherhood, have created a situation which requires a new statement of the means and purposes of religion...To establish such a religion is a major necessity of the present...We therefore affirm the following." 1.
* The universe is self-existing, not created. Man is a continuous process of nature. The idea of dualism of mind and body must be rejected. Life exists only in the 'here' and 'now'.
* Modern science makes unacceptable inalienable human values.
* Worship and prayer must be replaced by a sense of personal life and social well-being.
* Religious institutions must be reconstituted as rapidly as possible to function in this new world.
* A socialized and cooperative economic order must be established.
HUMANIST MANIFESTO II - POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GROWS UP!
In 1973, a second manifesto was published. In this document, caution was expressed in discussing the 'faith' of 1933.
"Events since then make that earlier statement seem far too optimistic... Nazism has shown the depths of brutality of which humanity is capable...Science has sometimes brought evil as well as good." 2.
However, the 1973 document continues to deny traditional theism.
"As in 1933, humanists still believe that traditional theism, especially faith in the prayer-hearing God, assumed to live and care for persons, to hear and understand prayers, and to be able to do something about them is an unproved and outmoded faith."..."The next century can and should be the humanistic century." 2.
This statement affirms a "design for a secular society on a planetary scale". Technology is outlined as the key to human progress, with the 'faith' that scientific research should not be censored. Traditional religions are outlined as the obstacles to human progress.
* There is no divine purpose or separable soul.
* The use of the scientific method must be extended.
* Participatory democracy must be extended to the economy, school, family, workplace, and voluntary associations.
* The state should be responsible to encourage freedom for different moral, political, religious, and social values.
* Ethics must be considered autonomous and situational.
* Civil liberties must be extended to include:
- the right to die
- the right to euthanasia
- the right to suicide
- the right to birth control
- the right to abortion
- the right to divorce
- the right to many varieties of sexual behaviors between consenting adults.
Humanist Manifesto II proposes the development of a system of world law and world order based on a transnational federal government. This world community must renounce violence and engage in cooperative planning. The writers have 'faith' that global scientific socialism will lead to world progress and brotherhood.
The document of 1973 was signed by 118 people each of whom listed an affiliation with an organized group. Included in this group were over 40 professors at major universities and 30 leaders of ethical, humanist, rational and Unitarian societies. Among those signing were the author Isaac Asinov, the Russian dissident Andrei Sakkarov, and the behavioral psychologist, B. F. Skinner.
THE NEW RELIGION IS POLITICALLY CORRECT!
The above 'faith' statements represent the 'religion' that is being taught in our universities and our public schools. Although the ideas in the manifestos are stated in positive terms of brotherhood, peace, goodwill, human happiness, and human potential, the documents are replete with hidden agendas for far-reaching societal change.
Democracy is held up as an ideal for this new society. However, the tone of the articles is one of command. The words 'must' and 'should' appear repeatedly throughout the documents.
The proposals in these documents constitute major changes in religious, social, and political organization. What is outlined is global scientific socialism, devoid of spiritual or eternal reality.
SPEAK OUT!
Because the affirmations in these documents have been stated as imperatives, it becomes imperative that we, as students, educators, parents and citizens, study these proposals, discuss the extent of their influence in our educational system, anaylze the textbooks being used, and consider whether this is the direction in which we want to proceed, whether this is the religion we want taught in our public school systems.
Then we must make our voices heard! In the community, the school systems, in the legislature.
1. Humanist Manifesto I. The New Humanist. Vol. VI. No. 3 (May/June) 1933.
http://www.jcn.com/manifestos.html.
2. Humanist Manifest II. The New Humanist. Vol. XXXIII. No. 5 (Sept/Oct) 1973.
http://www.jcn.com/manifestos.html.
The blueprint for political correctness is summarized in two articles of 'faith': Humanist Manifesto I and Humanist Manifesto II.
HUMANIST MANIFESTO I- POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS BORN
In 1933, 34 people signed the Humanist Manifesto I with the intent of establishing a new religion. Included within this group were professors of major universities and ethical societies. Fifteen signers were Unitarians. Included in this group was the educator, John Dewey.
This document outlined the premises of this new religion.
"Today man's larger understanding of the universe, his scientific achievements, and deeper appreciation of brotherhood, have created a situation which requires a new statement of the means and purposes of religion...To establish such a religion is a major necessity of the present...We therefore affirm the following." 1.
* The universe is self-existing, not created. Man is a continuous process of nature. The idea of dualism of mind and body must be rejected. Life exists only in the 'here' and 'now'.
* Modern science makes unacceptable inalienable human values.
* Worship and prayer must be replaced by a sense of personal life and social well-being.
* Religious institutions must be reconstituted as rapidly as possible to function in this new world.
* A socialized and cooperative economic order must be established.
HUMANIST MANIFESTO II - POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GROWS UP!
In 1973, a second manifesto was published. In this document, caution was expressed in discussing the 'faith' of 1933.
"Events since then make that earlier statement seem far too optimistic... Nazism has shown the depths of brutality of which humanity is capable...Science has sometimes brought evil as well as good." 2.
However, the 1973 document continues to deny traditional theism.
"As in 1933, humanists still believe that traditional theism, especially faith in the prayer-hearing God, assumed to live and care for persons, to hear and understand prayers, and to be able to do something about them is an unproved and outmoded faith."..."The next century can and should be the humanistic century." 2.
This statement affirms a "design for a secular society on a planetary scale". Technology is outlined as the key to human progress, with the 'faith' that scientific research should not be censored. Traditional religions are outlined as the obstacles to human progress.
* There is no divine purpose or separable soul.
* The use of the scientific method must be extended.
* Participatory democracy must be extended to the economy, school, family, workplace, and voluntary associations.
* The state should be responsible to encourage freedom for different moral, political, religious, and social values.
* Ethics must be considered autonomous and situational.
* Civil liberties must be extended to include:
- the right to die
- the right to euthanasia
- the right to suicide
- the right to birth control
- the right to abortion
- the right to divorce
- the right to many varieties of sexual behaviors between consenting adults.
Humanist Manifesto II proposes the development of a system of world law and world order based on a transnational federal government. This world community must renounce violence and engage in cooperative planning. The writers have 'faith' that global scientific socialism will lead to world progress and brotherhood.
The document of 1973 was signed by 118 people each of whom listed an affiliation with an organized group. Included in this group were over 40 professors at major universities and 30 leaders of ethical, humanist, rational and Unitarian societies. Among those signing were the author Isaac Asinov, the Russian dissident Andrei Sakkarov, and the behavioral psychologist, B. F. Skinner.
THE NEW RELIGION IS POLITICALLY CORRECT!
The above 'faith' statements represent the 'religion' that is being taught in our universities and our public schools. Although the ideas in the manifestos are stated in positive terms of brotherhood, peace, goodwill, human happiness, and human potential, the documents are replete with hidden agendas for far-reaching societal change.
Democracy is held up as an ideal for this new society. However, the tone of the articles is one of command. The words 'must' and 'should' appear repeatedly throughout the documents.
The proposals in these documents constitute major changes in religious, social, and political organization. What is outlined is global scientific socialism, devoid of spiritual or eternal reality.
SPEAK OUT!
Because the affirmations in these documents have been stated as imperatives, it becomes imperative that we, as students, educators, parents and citizens, study these proposals, discuss the extent of their influence in our educational system, anaylze the textbooks being used, and consider whether this is the direction in which we want to proceed, whether this is the religion we want taught in our public school systems.
Then we must make our voices heard! In the community, the school systems, in the legislature.
1. Humanist Manifesto I. The New Humanist. Vol. VI. No. 3 (May/June) 1933.
http://www.jcn.com/manifestos.html.
2. Humanist Manifest II. The New Humanist. Vol. XXXIII. No. 5 (Sept/Oct) 1973.
http://www.jcn.com/manifestos.html.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
When Organizations and Families Collide
Most Americans continue to find their greatest sources of nurture, support, and meaning within their family experiences.
In our modern society, however, we are spending an increasing amount of time in bureaucratic organizational involvements, away from our families.
Organizations, while offering support and services for families and individuals, may challenge and compete with family involvements. Organizations may view members as commodities to expand and increase the organizational program, with little thought or concern about how the involvements may affect relationships within the family unit.
Social analyst, Eugene Litwak, contends that both organizations and strong family relationships are essential for the maintenance of an industrial society. He notes that organizations provide efficient, objective, transitory, and specialized services, while the family and kinship units provide the personal, emotional, diffuse, and permanent support and guidance necessary for personal development. 1.
THE FAMILY REALM IS DIFFERENT
The family realm differs from relationships in bureaucratic organizations. The expectations for interactions within these two realms are usually quite different.
Researchers in the Department of Family Sciences of Brigham Young University identified seven characteristics that distinguish the 'ideal' family realm from organizational experiences. 2.
1. Family relationships are generational and permanent.
* Organizations have specific goals of interest for a limited time period.
2. Family relationships involve 'whole persons' for better and worse with respect for the unique qualities of the members.
* Organizations involve people in a 'role' relationship, structured to avoid
contradictions.
3. Family relationships are multidimensional. Many processes are occurring at once, often becoming irrational and disordered. Actions and feelings must be juggled simultaneously.
* Organizational activities are focused, sequential, ordered, and temporary.
4. Families develop emotional intensity that includes not only feelings of love, but also feelings of concern worry, and anger.
* Feelings toward organizational colleagues are less intense and holistic.
5. Family relationships focus on measures of the quality of 'being' in an ongoing process of nurture.
* Organizations focus on quantity measures of achievement, profit, performance,
ratings, and rankings.
6. Family relationships include a sense of sacred responsibility and duty to other family members.
* Organizations include agreements and contracts for mutual advantage.
7. Family relationships are based on processes of caring, nurturing, persuading, and training to foster the growth and development of the members.
* Organizations treat members as commodities where people are hired, fired,
managed and manipulated.
LEARNING HOW TO LOVE FOREVER - EDUCATION FOR HEALTHY MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES
Our social education programs are failing to educate citizens in the skills necessary for the success of healthy marriage and family relationships. Without the ability to care and share, listen and communicate, manage anger, resolve conflicts and forgive, relationships within families become destructive and broken.
In 1995, the Council on Families, which includes prominent social researchers and proponents of religious and social policy, issued a report entitled Marriage in America: A Report to the Nation. They contend that "The divorce revolution...has failed. It has created terrible hardships for children, incurred unsupportable social costs, and failed to deliver on its promise of greater adult happiness... Making marriage in America stronger will require a fundamental shift in cultural values and public policy. No one sector of society is responsible for the decline in marriage... We are all part of the problem, and therefore we all must be part of the solution." 3.
The Council on Families concludes that educational, religious, civic, business, political, and health organizations must all work together to regain the personal
and social value of marriage and family relationships.
In light of the importance of continuing family relationships for personal support, and concerns for the tragic breakdown of family relationships and social cost to individuals and society, it is essential that our educational organizations, including our schools, churches and other community support groups, offer training in the unique processes that support marriage and family nurture and enrichment.
WE CAN LEARN TO LOVE FOREVER! It's time to move forward and make it happen!
REFERENCES:
1. Litwak, Eugene. "Extended kin relations in an industrial society." In
Social Structure and the Family: Generational Relations.E. Shanas and B.F. Streib. Englewood Cliff, NJ: Prentice Hall. 1965:290-323.
2. Beutler, Ivan R., Wesley R. Burr and Kathleen S. Bahr. "The family realm: theoretical contributions for understanding its uniqueness." Journal of Marriage and the Family. Vol.51(August)1989:805-816.
3. Council on Families. Marriage in America: A Report to the Nation. 1995.
www.americanvalues.org/html/r-marriage_in_america.
In our modern society, however, we are spending an increasing amount of time in bureaucratic organizational involvements, away from our families.
Organizations, while offering support and services for families and individuals, may challenge and compete with family involvements. Organizations may view members as commodities to expand and increase the organizational program, with little thought or concern about how the involvements may affect relationships within the family unit.
Social analyst, Eugene Litwak, contends that both organizations and strong family relationships are essential for the maintenance of an industrial society. He notes that organizations provide efficient, objective, transitory, and specialized services, while the family and kinship units provide the personal, emotional, diffuse, and permanent support and guidance necessary for personal development. 1.
THE FAMILY REALM IS DIFFERENT
The family realm differs from relationships in bureaucratic organizations. The expectations for interactions within these two realms are usually quite different.
Researchers in the Department of Family Sciences of Brigham Young University identified seven characteristics that distinguish the 'ideal' family realm from organizational experiences. 2.
1. Family relationships are generational and permanent.
* Organizations have specific goals of interest for a limited time period.
2. Family relationships involve 'whole persons' for better and worse with respect for the unique qualities of the members.
* Organizations involve people in a 'role' relationship, structured to avoid
contradictions.
3. Family relationships are multidimensional. Many processes are occurring at once, often becoming irrational and disordered. Actions and feelings must be juggled simultaneously.
* Organizational activities are focused, sequential, ordered, and temporary.
4. Families develop emotional intensity that includes not only feelings of love, but also feelings of concern worry, and anger.
* Feelings toward organizational colleagues are less intense and holistic.
5. Family relationships focus on measures of the quality of 'being' in an ongoing process of nurture.
* Organizations focus on quantity measures of achievement, profit, performance,
ratings, and rankings.
6. Family relationships include a sense of sacred responsibility and duty to other family members.
* Organizations include agreements and contracts for mutual advantage.
7. Family relationships are based on processes of caring, nurturing, persuading, and training to foster the growth and development of the members.
* Organizations treat members as commodities where people are hired, fired,
managed and manipulated.
LEARNING HOW TO LOVE FOREVER - EDUCATION FOR HEALTHY MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES
Our social education programs are failing to educate citizens in the skills necessary for the success of healthy marriage and family relationships. Without the ability to care and share, listen and communicate, manage anger, resolve conflicts and forgive, relationships within families become destructive and broken.
In 1995, the Council on Families, which includes prominent social researchers and proponents of religious and social policy, issued a report entitled Marriage in America: A Report to the Nation. They contend that "The divorce revolution...has failed. It has created terrible hardships for children, incurred unsupportable social costs, and failed to deliver on its promise of greater adult happiness... Making marriage in America stronger will require a fundamental shift in cultural values and public policy. No one sector of society is responsible for the decline in marriage... We are all part of the problem, and therefore we all must be part of the solution." 3.
The Council on Families concludes that educational, religious, civic, business, political, and health organizations must all work together to regain the personal
and social value of marriage and family relationships.
In light of the importance of continuing family relationships for personal support, and concerns for the tragic breakdown of family relationships and social cost to individuals and society, it is essential that our educational organizations, including our schools, churches and other community support groups, offer training in the unique processes that support marriage and family nurture and enrichment.
WE CAN LEARN TO LOVE FOREVER! It's time to move forward and make it happen!
REFERENCES:
1. Litwak, Eugene. "Extended kin relations in an industrial society." In
Social Structure and the Family: Generational Relations.E. Shanas and B.F. Streib. Englewood Cliff, NJ: Prentice Hall. 1965:290-323.
2. Beutler, Ivan R., Wesley R. Burr and Kathleen S. Bahr. "The family realm: theoretical contributions for understanding its uniqueness." Journal of Marriage and the Family. Vol.51(August)1989:805-816.
3. Council on Families. Marriage in America: A Report to the Nation. 1995.
www.americanvalues.org/html/r-marriage_in_america.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Texas Leads in Marriage Strengthening Programs
On June 15th of 2007, the Governor of Texas signed into Law 2 bills designed to support the development of healthy marriages and families:
House Bill 2683 - Strengthening Families
House Bill 2685 - Marriage Preparation Courses 1.
PUBLIC POLICY CONCERNS
Building strong families is a public policy concern because the dissolution of marriage and families creates social problems which require the state to spend large amounts of money through child support collection, food stamps, government health insurance and correctional facilities. 2.
Federal law makes federal grants available to state governments from the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) block grants and from the Safe and Stable Families block grants. However, only a few states, including Oklahoma and Ohio, use these grants. 3.
By supporting these two bills, Texas will lead the nation at the state level in promoting programs to give families tools to succeed in marriage and family relationship skills.
HB 2683 - STRENGTHENING FAMILIES
This bill, which became effective on September 1, 2007, approved $15 million in federal TANF funds for programs "to promote healthy relationships, and child well-being and to reduce the risk of domestic violence." 4.
HB 2685 - MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSES
This bill, which will become effective on September 1, 2008, encourages applicants for marriage licenses to take voluntary marriage preparation courses.
HB 2685 also increases the fee for a marriage license from $30 to $60. However, couples who choose to undertake an 8 hour marriage preparation course will be exempt from paying the marriage license fee and also exempt from the 72 hour waiting period between the issuing of a license and the date of marriage.
The marriage preparation courses must include instruction in conflict resolution and communication skills. The courses offered must be based on research and provided by a certified instructor.
The Texas Health and Human Services Commission (HHSC) maintains a website under the "Twogether in Texas" Healthy Marriage Program to register trained marriage educators, make information available to the public, and ensure that the premarital education courses offered meet appropriate standards. The state has been divided into 12 regions with intermediaries who oversee the program. 5.
Education programs funded by the state must use secular and qualifying curriculum, and offer the classes free of charge.
Education programs not funded by the state can use faith-based curriculum if it is
certified as a recognized premarital curriculum. These programs must be registered with the Regional Intermediaries of "Twogether in Texas" in order for recipients to receive the marriage fee exemption.
IT'S TIME TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM.
"Encouraging couples to undertake premarital education courses is intended to provide them with the skills necessary to resolve marital conflicts, which will make for stronger marriages that are less likely to end in failure. It is indisputable that marriage has a positive impact on the well-being of adults, children, and families, and that it improves satisfaction with life and fosters economic stability." 6.
State Representive, Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, sponsored the legislation that developed the programs for healthy family education. He said, "With the frequency of divorce and problems we have with marriage in this state, it's time someone addressed the problem." 7.
REFERENCES
1. www.capitol.state.tx.us/BillLookup/BillNumber.aspx. July 30, 2008.
2. Legislative Update. Friday, July 13, 2007.
http://www.house.state.tx.us/news/release.php?id=2126.
3. Texas FAMLI. http://tx.famli.us/content/view/1/1/.
4. Leeks, Gordon. Project Manager, Healthy Marriage Program. Texas Health and
Human Services Commission. Power Point presentation. 6/6/08. "Twogether in
Texas".
5. Ibid.
6. Legislative Update. (as above)
7. Hodges, Sam. "Texas Marriage Education Program aims to prevent divorce."
The Dallas Morning News. July 4, 2008.
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/religion/stories/070508
dnmetmarriageclass.23f2125.html.
House Bill 2683 - Strengthening Families
House Bill 2685 - Marriage Preparation Courses 1.
PUBLIC POLICY CONCERNS
Building strong families is a public policy concern because the dissolution of marriage and families creates social problems which require the state to spend large amounts of money through child support collection, food stamps, government health insurance and correctional facilities. 2.
Federal law makes federal grants available to state governments from the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) block grants and from the Safe and Stable Families block grants. However, only a few states, including Oklahoma and Ohio, use these grants. 3.
By supporting these two bills, Texas will lead the nation at the state level in promoting programs to give families tools to succeed in marriage and family relationship skills.
HB 2683 - STRENGTHENING FAMILIES
This bill, which became effective on September 1, 2007, approved $15 million in federal TANF funds for programs "to promote healthy relationships, and child well-being and to reduce the risk of domestic violence." 4.
HB 2685 - MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSES
This bill, which will become effective on September 1, 2008, encourages applicants for marriage licenses to take voluntary marriage preparation courses.
HB 2685 also increases the fee for a marriage license from $30 to $60. However, couples who choose to undertake an 8 hour marriage preparation course will be exempt from paying the marriage license fee and also exempt from the 72 hour waiting period between the issuing of a license and the date of marriage.
The marriage preparation courses must include instruction in conflict resolution and communication skills. The courses offered must be based on research and provided by a certified instructor.
The Texas Health and Human Services Commission (HHSC) maintains a website under the "Twogether in Texas" Healthy Marriage Program to register trained marriage educators, make information available to the public, and ensure that the premarital education courses offered meet appropriate standards. The state has been divided into 12 regions with intermediaries who oversee the program. 5.
Education programs funded by the state must use secular and qualifying curriculum, and offer the classes free of charge.
Education programs not funded by the state can use faith-based curriculum if it is
certified as a recognized premarital curriculum. These programs must be registered with the Regional Intermediaries of "Twogether in Texas" in order for recipients to receive the marriage fee exemption.
IT'S TIME TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM.
"Encouraging couples to undertake premarital education courses is intended to provide them with the skills necessary to resolve marital conflicts, which will make for stronger marriages that are less likely to end in failure. It is indisputable that marriage has a positive impact on the well-being of adults, children, and families, and that it improves satisfaction with life and fosters economic stability." 6.
State Representive, Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, sponsored the legislation that developed the programs for healthy family education. He said, "With the frequency of divorce and problems we have with marriage in this state, it's time someone addressed the problem." 7.
REFERENCES
1. www.capitol.state.tx.us/BillLookup/BillNumber.aspx. July 30, 2008.
2. Legislative Update. Friday, July 13, 2007.
http://www.house.state.tx.us/news/release.php?id=2126.
3. Texas FAMLI. http://tx.famli.us/content/view/1/1/.
4. Leeks, Gordon. Project Manager, Healthy Marriage Program. Texas Health and
Human Services Commission. Power Point presentation. 6/6/08. "Twogether in
Texas".
5. Ibid.
6. Legislative Update. (as above)
7. Hodges, Sam. "Texas Marriage Education Program aims to prevent divorce."
The Dallas Morning News. July 4, 2008.
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/religion/stories/070508
dnmetmarriageclass.23f2125.html.
Friday, July 11, 2008
How's the Weather Inside? A Workshop for Marriage Enrichment
Yes,you can do it! Plan a workshop for marriage enrichment.
"America has the highest rate of marriage of any industrialized nation...(and) the highest divorce rate in the world. Most of the world views the American pattern of marriage and divorce not as a model to be copied but as a disaster to be avoided."1.
David Mace, the founder of the Organization for Couples in Marriage Enrichment, stated, "I believe we must find ways to kindle new hope in them that their marriages can really be much more satisfying and rewarding." 2. Marriage enrichment is not therapy or counseling. Rather it is educational and learning exercises in better communication skills.
Communities across the country are beginning to realize the need for education in marriage and family relationships. Churches, civic groups and schools are providing classes and seminars for couples and parents to learn the importance of family and to learn skills to stay connected. 3.
There are many resources available to help organize programs for marriage enrichment.
This workshop, conducted within a church setting, was guided by discussions and exercises found in the book: The Marriage Mender: A Couple's Guide to Staying Together. 4.
Thoughtful popular songs were used throughout the program.
======================================================
A Workshop for Marriage Enrichment:
HOW'S THE WEATHER INSIDE? GETTING TO SUNSHINE THROUGH THE STORM.
Every marriage has many storms to weather as life progresses and changes. Marriage enrichment activities develop skills in affirming each other, conflict resolution and communication.
9:00 Opening Session/ Introduction'
Song: Singin'in the Rain -"I'm laughing at clouds so dark up above.
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love."5.
9:30 Workshop I - Charting the Storms and Clouds / Rainbows and Sunshine
Song: Suddenly There's a Valley - "When a storm hides the distant rainbow, and you think you can't find a friend" 6.
10:45 Break
11:00 Workshop II - Calming the Storm - Conflict Resolution Skills
Song: You'll Never Walk Alone - "When you walk through a storm hold your head up high". 7.
12:15 Lunch
1:15 Workshop III. Seeing Through the Clouds - Clear Communication
Song: Sing a Rainbow -"Listen with your eyes and sing everything you see." 8.
2:30 Break
2:45 Workshop IV - Rainbows and Sunshine - Creating Intimacy
3:45 Concluding Thoughts
======================================================
WORKSHOP I. CHARTING THE STORMS AND CLOUDS / RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE
(The Marriage Mender - Chapters one and two)
Couple exercise.
Each person, anonymously, makes a list of 3 serious problems and 3 valuable assets in their marital relationship. The lists are turned in and written on overhead charts for future discussion and reference. This exercise helps husbands and wives realize that many of their experiences are common to other couples.
Expectations
We enter marriage with many myths about what marriage should be: 'my mate will always love me, share my values, and understand my feelings and needs'.
Then we wake up to discover, "I didn't marry myself!"
Our problems come from 3 areas of differences:
* opposites attract
* men and women are different
* each partner comes from a different family-of-origen.
Unrealistic expectations can lead to resentment and anger unless they are realistically examined and discussed.
Three inevitable stages of love and marriage:
Infatuation - Negotiation- Mature Love
Romance and infatuation
This is a wonderful period in a relationship. It allows for the bonding and attachment necessary for a marriage to take place. A feeling of 'US' pervades.
TV, movies, music, and romance novels deceive us into thinking that love will always be exciting and unconditional.
Romance is a transient stage that we move through into the stage of negotiation.
Negotiation
This stage occurs when the partners realize that they are not getting all their needs met. A feeling of 'ME' occurs when expectations are shattered and energized conflict develops. A committed process of communication, listening, compromise and forgiveness is required to work through the differences.
Without a concerted effort to understand and grow together, destructive patterns lead to stalemate, boredom, and autonomy, or separation and divorce.
Mature Love
Mature love requires the commitment to appreciate each other's uniqueness, to communicate, and be flexible enough to meet each other's needs. The feeling of 'US' returns as each partner accepts the responsibility to honor and appreciate differences and work through the give and take of daily activities.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
WORKSHOP II - CALMING THE STORM - CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS
(The Marriage Mender. Chapters four and eight)
Accepting Conflict
Couples don't fight because they don't like each other, but because they do.
Conflict is natural. If people live together, they will experience conflict.
We are each made differently. Each family member has a built-in need to protect their uniqueness.
Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs, and needs.
Conflict is something to be resolved, not something to be avoided.
Conflict in families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences.
Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Making your marriage and family a place of safety
We are created with a defense system to protect us from danger. This doesn't always help us form intimate relationships.
When conflict occurs in marriage, there is fear... of being emotionally wounded, of losing our mate, of our weaknesses being exposed.
You fight because you don't feel safe. When you and your spouse hiss at each other like threatened animals, you must lessen the threat.
What does safety look like?
It starts with respect...partners take time to listen, understand and respond.
Partners are there for each other.
Solutions
Decide to disarm.
Write it down and contract to being a safer partner.
Open closed hearts and minds to each others needs.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
WORKSHOP III. SEEING THROUGH THE CLOUDS - CLEAR COMMUNICATION
(The Marriage Mender - Chapters five and six)
Words have power. Choose them carefully.
Words can hurt, injure, anger and alienate or they can heal, help, comfort and soothe.
"We are always communicating. It is impossible not to communicate... The irritable look, the silence, the lack of touch - all of these communicate".
Anger
Anger keeps many couples from expressing feelings. Anger is a shield for other emotions we don't know how to express, such as hurt, fear, sadness or tiredness.
Active Listening
We cannot overestimate the need that people have to be truly listened to. We all need to feel that we are heard, without being judged or criticized.
Active listening involves context and content.
Context includes paying attention to the message conveyed by nonverbal signals: body language, facial expression, voice tone, and inflection. (This requires putting down the newspaper or turning away from the television.)
Content requires reflection on the meaning of what was said.
Restatement
Effective listening involves restating to the person your understanding of what you heard. Restatement allows a person to feel that he or she has been heard.
The B-E-A-R method. An exercise for couples
Choose a recent event that caused you to experience some emotion toward your spouse and complete the four components.
B - (Behavior) Describe the behavior
E - (Emotion) Describe the feeling you had about the behavior.
A - (Alternative) Describe an alternative behavior you would have preferred.
R - (Result) Describe the consequence resulting from your requested alternative.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
WORKSHOP IV - RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE - CREATING INTIMACY
(The Marriage Mender - Chapters eight, nine and ten)
Develop habits in your marriage to learn effective conflict resolution skills.
Win-win situations- Find ways in which both of you can win each conflict.
De-escalate -When conflicts arise agree on a gesture indicating that a timeout is needed. The person calling timeout is responsible for making a return appointment to continue the discussion.
Accentuate the positive - Research shows that it takes 5 or more positive compliments to overcome a negative. Compliment your spouse on what he or she is doing right. Do it often.
Use what works - Make a list of ways that have worked in the past to overcome conflicts.
Stop doing what doesn't work - Don't continue 'the same old song and dance' if it isn't working. Try a new dance step.
Keep the big picture in mind - Keep a realistic view of where you have been and where you are headed and the good things about your relationship. Write them down.
It takes time - Encourage each other as you develop new skills.
Pursue forgiveness
Forgiveness - takes a spirit of humility,
- requires hard work
- needs time
- requires an open spirit
- is a continuing process.
CELEBRATE!
Go out to dinner, take a mini-vacation, make love - find some way to recognize your successes in relationships.
=======================
References
1. Social Problems for the Twenty-First Century. J. John Palen. McGraw Hill.
2001:278
2. Mace, David. Building Better Marriages. Association for Couples in
Marriage Enrichment. March-April 2003. Vol. 32. No 2. pg.1.
3. *McManus, Mike. Marriage Savers. www.marriagesavers.org.
*Baumgarnder, Julie. "Marriage First: How a city restored families".Focus on the
Family. August 2006. pgs 16-17.
4. Whiteman, Ph.D., Thomas A. and Thomas G. Bartlett, Ph.D. The Marriage Mender:
A Couple's Guide for Staying Together. 1996. Navpress.
5. Singin' In The Rain. 1929. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer,Inc. Lyrics by Arthur
Freed. Music by Nacio Herb Brown.
6. Suddenly There's a Valley.1955.Warman Music.by Chuck Meyer & Biff Jones.
7. You'll Never Walk Alone. MCMXLV. Williamson Music, Inc. Words by Oscar
Hammerstein. Music by Richards Rodgers.
8. Sing a Rainbow. 1955. Mark VII Music. Words and Music by Arthur
Hamilton.
"America has the highest rate of marriage of any industrialized nation...(and) the highest divorce rate in the world. Most of the world views the American pattern of marriage and divorce not as a model to be copied but as a disaster to be avoided."1.
David Mace, the founder of the Organization for Couples in Marriage Enrichment, stated, "I believe we must find ways to kindle new hope in them that their marriages can really be much more satisfying and rewarding." 2. Marriage enrichment is not therapy or counseling. Rather it is educational and learning exercises in better communication skills.
Communities across the country are beginning to realize the need for education in marriage and family relationships. Churches, civic groups and schools are providing classes and seminars for couples and parents to learn the importance of family and to learn skills to stay connected. 3.
There are many resources available to help organize programs for marriage enrichment.
This workshop, conducted within a church setting, was guided by discussions and exercises found in the book: The Marriage Mender: A Couple's Guide to Staying Together. 4.
Thoughtful popular songs were used throughout the program.
======================================================
A Workshop for Marriage Enrichment:
HOW'S THE WEATHER INSIDE? GETTING TO SUNSHINE THROUGH THE STORM.
Every marriage has many storms to weather as life progresses and changes. Marriage enrichment activities develop skills in affirming each other, conflict resolution and communication.
9:00 Opening Session/ Introduction'
Song: Singin'in the Rain -"I'm laughing at clouds so dark up above.
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love."5.
9:30 Workshop I - Charting the Storms and Clouds / Rainbows and Sunshine
Song: Suddenly There's a Valley - "When a storm hides the distant rainbow, and you think you can't find a friend" 6.
10:45 Break
11:00 Workshop II - Calming the Storm - Conflict Resolution Skills
Song: You'll Never Walk Alone - "When you walk through a storm hold your head up high". 7.
12:15 Lunch
1:15 Workshop III. Seeing Through the Clouds - Clear Communication
Song: Sing a Rainbow -"Listen with your eyes and sing everything you see." 8.
2:30 Break
2:45 Workshop IV - Rainbows and Sunshine - Creating Intimacy
3:45 Concluding Thoughts
======================================================
WORKSHOP I. CHARTING THE STORMS AND CLOUDS / RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE
(The Marriage Mender - Chapters one and two)
Couple exercise.
Each person, anonymously, makes a list of 3 serious problems and 3 valuable assets in their marital relationship. The lists are turned in and written on overhead charts for future discussion and reference. This exercise helps husbands and wives realize that many of their experiences are common to other couples.
Expectations
We enter marriage with many myths about what marriage should be: 'my mate will always love me, share my values, and understand my feelings and needs'.
Then we wake up to discover, "I didn't marry myself!"
Our problems come from 3 areas of differences:
* opposites attract
* men and women are different
* each partner comes from a different family-of-origen.
Unrealistic expectations can lead to resentment and anger unless they are realistically examined and discussed.
Three inevitable stages of love and marriage:
Infatuation - Negotiation- Mature Love
Romance and infatuation
This is a wonderful period in a relationship. It allows for the bonding and attachment necessary for a marriage to take place. A feeling of 'US' pervades.
TV, movies, music, and romance novels deceive us into thinking that love will always be exciting and unconditional.
Romance is a transient stage that we move through into the stage of negotiation.
Negotiation
This stage occurs when the partners realize that they are not getting all their needs met. A feeling of 'ME' occurs when expectations are shattered and energized conflict develops. A committed process of communication, listening, compromise and forgiveness is required to work through the differences.
Without a concerted effort to understand and grow together, destructive patterns lead to stalemate, boredom, and autonomy, or separation and divorce.
Mature Love
Mature love requires the commitment to appreciate each other's uniqueness, to communicate, and be flexible enough to meet each other's needs. The feeling of 'US' returns as each partner accepts the responsibility to honor and appreciate differences and work through the give and take of daily activities.
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WORKSHOP II - CALMING THE STORM - CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS
(The Marriage Mender. Chapters four and eight)
Accepting Conflict
Couples don't fight because they don't like each other, but because they do.
Conflict is natural. If people live together, they will experience conflict.
We are each made differently. Each family member has a built-in need to protect their uniqueness.
Conflicts arise out of personal values, beliefs, and needs.
Conflict is something to be resolved, not something to be avoided.
Conflict in families is an opportunity to recognize each other's needs and uniqueness and to celebrate differences.
Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Making your marriage and family a place of safety
We are created with a defense system to protect us from danger. This doesn't always help us form intimate relationships.
When conflict occurs in marriage, there is fear... of being emotionally wounded, of losing our mate, of our weaknesses being exposed.
You fight because you don't feel safe. When you and your spouse hiss at each other like threatened animals, you must lessen the threat.
What does safety look like?
It starts with respect...partners take time to listen, understand and respond.
Partners are there for each other.
Solutions
Decide to disarm.
Write it down and contract to being a safer partner.
Open closed hearts and minds to each others needs.
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WORKSHOP III. SEEING THROUGH THE CLOUDS - CLEAR COMMUNICATION
(The Marriage Mender - Chapters five and six)
Words have power. Choose them carefully.
Words can hurt, injure, anger and alienate or they can heal, help, comfort and soothe.
"We are always communicating. It is impossible not to communicate... The irritable look, the silence, the lack of touch - all of these communicate".
Anger
Anger keeps many couples from expressing feelings. Anger is a shield for other emotions we don't know how to express, such as hurt, fear, sadness or tiredness.
Active Listening
We cannot overestimate the need that people have to be truly listened to. We all need to feel that we are heard, without being judged or criticized.
Active listening involves context and content.
Context includes paying attention to the message conveyed by nonverbal signals: body language, facial expression, voice tone, and inflection. (This requires putting down the newspaper or turning away from the television.)
Content requires reflection on the meaning of what was said.
Restatement
Effective listening involves restating to the person your understanding of what you heard. Restatement allows a person to feel that he or she has been heard.
The B-E-A-R method. An exercise for couples
Choose a recent event that caused you to experience some emotion toward your spouse and complete the four components.
B - (Behavior) Describe the behavior
E - (Emotion) Describe the feeling you had about the behavior.
A - (Alternative) Describe an alternative behavior you would have preferred.
R - (Result) Describe the consequence resulting from your requested alternative.
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WORKSHOP IV - RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE - CREATING INTIMACY
(The Marriage Mender - Chapters eight, nine and ten)
Develop habits in your marriage to learn effective conflict resolution skills.
Win-win situations- Find ways in which both of you can win each conflict.
De-escalate -When conflicts arise agree on a gesture indicating that a timeout is needed. The person calling timeout is responsible for making a return appointment to continue the discussion.
Accentuate the positive - Research shows that it takes 5 or more positive compliments to overcome a negative. Compliment your spouse on what he or she is doing right. Do it often.
Use what works - Make a list of ways that have worked in the past to overcome conflicts.
Stop doing what doesn't work - Don't continue 'the same old song and dance' if it isn't working. Try a new dance step.
Keep the big picture in mind - Keep a realistic view of where you have been and where you are headed and the good things about your relationship. Write them down.
It takes time - Encourage each other as you develop new skills.
Pursue forgiveness
Forgiveness - takes a spirit of humility,
- requires hard work
- needs time
- requires an open spirit
- is a continuing process.
CELEBRATE!
Go out to dinner, take a mini-vacation, make love - find some way to recognize your successes in relationships.
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References
1. Social Problems for the Twenty-First Century. J. John Palen. McGraw Hill.
2001:278
2. Mace, David. Building Better Marriages. Association for Couples in
Marriage Enrichment. March-April 2003. Vol. 32. No 2. pg.1.
3. *McManus, Mike. Marriage Savers. www.marriagesavers.org.
*Baumgarnder, Julie. "Marriage First: How a city restored families".Focus on the
Family. August 2006. pgs 16-17.
4. Whiteman, Ph.D., Thomas A. and Thomas G. Bartlett, Ph.D. The Marriage Mender:
A Couple's Guide for Staying Together. 1996. Navpress.
5. Singin' In The Rain. 1929. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer,Inc. Lyrics by Arthur
Freed. Music by Nacio Herb Brown.
6. Suddenly There's a Valley.1955.Warman Music.by Chuck Meyer & Biff Jones.
7. You'll Never Walk Alone. MCMXLV. Williamson Music, Inc. Words by Oscar
Hammerstein. Music by Richards Rodgers.
8. Sing a Rainbow. 1955. Mark VII Music. Words and Music by Arthur
Hamilton.
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