Including Dad in Parenting: Fathers are Important Too

With the increase in out of wedlock births and divorce many men are failing to experience the important role of fatherhood and many children are growing up without a father for support, nurture and protection.

"A good society celebrates the ideal of the man who puts his family first." 1.

However our society is moving in the opposite direction. Never before in our country have so many children grown up without a father to protect and guide them. A caring father has traditionally provided economic, educational, moral, social, and psychological support for his family.

Today many fathers have abandoned their children or have been left out of the family experience.

Single motherhood is a long, hard journey for both mother and children. Single mothers have less time for each child and little time for themselves.

Children living without a father are 7 times more likely to experience poverty.

Fathers are important in helping a child grow emotionally and socially. Girls without a father often experience difficulty in developing a realistic view of men. Boys without a father fail to have a role model for responsible ways to relate in society as a man. Friends and gangs become their role models. 2.

Research studies have found that more than 70% of juveniles in reform institutions come from fatherless homes.

Our schools, churches and community centers need to provide learning opportunities to turn young men into responsible fathers for the support of their families and community.

Some women prefer to raise their children alone because the father is abusive, destructive and overbearing with the family. The social welfare system generally ignores the role of young fathers. However, helping young men learn the responsible, nurturing, and supportive roles of fatherhood is an essential need for our communities.

Fatherhood is the most important role for men because it helps them become pro-social.

An effective father accepts and affirms his children and helps them to grow in responsible and positive ways. An effective father supports and cares for his children's mother.

References:

1. Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. Harper Perennial. 1995:5.

2. Gibbs, Nancy R. "Bringing Up Father." Time. Vol. 141, No.26. June 28, 1993:52-61.

Marriage or Living Together - Does It Really Matter?

Over the last several decades living arrangements have changed dramatically. In 1970 only 1 million opposite sex couples lived together outside of marriage. By 2007 this number had increased to 6.4 million. 1.

Living together without a marriage commitment has become a popular arrangement. Some have no intention to get married, enjoying the conveniences and freedom to leave if things aren't satisfactory. Others see living together as a trial marriage - to see 'how it goes'.

However, many children are born into these arrangements. Having a child is a lifetime commitment to support and care for this person throughout his or her lifetime. Children deserve and need the love and support of both a mother and a father.

Social science research studies overwhelmingly show marriage, rather than 'living together', as providing better support for men, women and children throughout their lives.

All relationships fall into troubled times. Marriage offers promised permanence and support 'in sickness and health, in plenty or want, till death do us part'. Marriage vows serve as glue that holds people together to support each other even in difficult times.

Marriage provides the best support for children during their years of growing and developing.

Marriage creates healthier individuals. People who are married and committed to helping each other through all the changing times of life are better off emotionally, physically, financially and vocationally than unmarried partners. Marriage partners are more likely to be faithful. 2.

Conclusions from social science research show that a commitment to marriage: 3.

* increases the likelihood that both fathers and mothers have good relationships with their children,

* reduces poverty and material hardship for women and children,

* is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness and disability,

* reduces the risk of delinquent and criminal behavior, especially for boys,

* reduces the risk of child abuse,

* increases the ability of children to do well in school.

In planning life arrangements for children and family well-being, it is important to consider all the information that will support a healthy lifestyle.

References:

1. Jayson, Sharon. "Census reports more unmarried couples living together". USA Today. 7/28/2008.

2. Warren, Dr. Neil Clark. "The Cohabitation Epidemic". Focus on the Family. June/July 2003:10-11.

3. Institute for American Values. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences. New York:NY. 2005:10-11.

Speak Out Against Pornography!

OFFENSIVE TO MANY!

Although obscenity and indecency are not protected by the First Amendment, in June of 1999 Forbes magazine contended that the mainstreaming of pornography had developed into a $56 billion business. Pornography is profitable to an extensive network of people. 1.

However, what benefits some is offensive and harmful to many. Criminal Justice statistics document that in 1996, 38 percent of Americans thought pornography should be illegal for everyone, and 58 percent thought it should be illegal for persons under eighteen. 2.

SPEAK OUT!

Citizens are encouraged to speak out to protest obscenity in our culture by:

* writing letters to the editors of the local paper to express concern,

* writing to elected officials to actively prosecute obscenity, and

* writing letters of complaint to businesses that distribute or advertise pornography.

SAMPLE LETTER (or write your own)

Dear Owner/Managers

While shopping in your store recently I noticed that you sell pornographic magazines. Please consider the harm such materials have on children's lives, our families and our community.

Statistics show that the largest consumers of pornography are children ages 12 to 17 - formative years of a young person's emotional and sexual development.

Young people are being drawn into early and promiscuous sexual behaviors. Addictions are created that harm healthy relationships and tear apart marriages and families.

* The Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease, often leading to cancer or infertility.

* Since 1973, more than 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S.

- over 80% to unmarried women, 52% to women younger than 25 years of age, 19% to teens.

* 40% of births are now out-of-wedlock births.

* Out-0f-wedlock births and the increase in divorce leaves many men out of the important role of fatherhood and leaves children without a father for guidance and support.

* Children born to unwed mothers are six times more likely to live in poverty.

* Pornography is used by predators to lure children and young women into abuse and prostitution.

* Rapists and serial killers repeatedly identify pornography as a formative factor in their behaviors.

You have no obligation to sell pornography. This is not a matter of censorship. It is a matter of good citizenship and responsible choice as to what is appropriate material to be placed in a store where families shop.

Please consider replacing these materials with something more responsible. I'm sure many people in the community would support you in this decision.

I look forward to hearing from you in regard to this concern.

Sincerely,

(Sign your name)

*************************

If polite letters are not effective, pressure on elected officials to support legislation actively prosecuting obscenity and indecency in the community and media would be appropriate and necessary.

Our children and grandchildren should not be burdened by the immense moral burden that is being passed on to them by our careless abandonment of foundational personal and social values.

References:

1. Thomas, Cal. "Selling out a heritage; AT&T becomes a top provider of pornography."

World magazine. Vol. 15, No.25 (June 24) 2000:31.

2. Henslin, James M. Social Problems. 5th Ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ:Prentice-Hall. 2000:75-81

3.American Family Association. A Guide to What One Person Can Do About Pornography.

www.afa.net/pornography/PornGuide.pdf. pg. 41-45.

Speak Out Against Pornography!

OFFENSIVE TO MANY!

Although obscenity and indecency are not protected by the First Amendment, in June of 1999 Forbes magazine contended that the mainstreaming of pornography had developed into a $56 billion business. Pornography is profitable to an extensive network of people. 1.

However, what benefits some is offensive and harmful to many. Criminal Justice statistics document that in 1996, 38 percent of Americans thought pornography should be illegal for everyone, and 58 percent thought it should be illegal for persons under eighteen. 2.

SPEAK OUT!

Citizens are encouraged to speak out to protest obscenity in our culture by:

* writing letters to the editors of the local paper to express concern,

* writing to elected officials to actively prosecute obscenity, and

* writing letters of complaint to businesses that distribute or advertise pornography.

SAMPLE LETTER (or write your own)

Dear Owner/Managers

While shopping in your store recently I noticed that you sell pornographic magazines. Please consider the harm such materials have on children's lives, our families and our community.

Statistics show that the largest consumers of pornography are children ages 12 to 17 - formative years of a young person's emotional and sexual development.

Young people are being drawn into early and promiscuous sexual behaviors. Addictions are created that harm healthy relationships and tear apart marriages and families.

* The Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease, often leading to cancer or infertility.

* Since 1973, more than 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S.

- over 80% to unmarried women, 52% to women younger than 25 years of age, 19% to teens.

* 40% of births are now out-of-wedlock births.

* Out-0f-wedlock births and the increase in divorce leaves many men out of the important role of fatherhood and leaves children without a father for guidance and support.

* Children born to unwed mothers are six times more likely to live in poverty.

* Pornography is used by predators to lure children and young women into abuse and prostitution.

* Rapists and serial killers repeatedly identify pornography as a formative factor in their behaviors.

You have no obligation to sell pornography. This is not a matter of censorship. It is a matter of good citizenship and responsible choice as to what is appropriate material to be placed in a store where families shop.

Please consider replacing these materials with something more responsible. I'm sure many people in the community would support you in this decision.

I look forward to hearing from you in regard to this concern.

Sincerely,

(Sign your name)

*************************

If polite letters are not effective, pressure on elected officials to support legislation actively prosecuting obscenity and indecency in the community and media would be appropriate and necessary.

Our children and grandchildren should not be burdened by the immense moral burden that is being passed on to them by our careless abandonment of foundational personal and social values.

References:

1. Thomas, Cal. "Selling out a heritage; AT&T becomes a top provider of pornography."

World magazine. Vol. 15, No.25 (June 24) 2000:31.

2. Henslin, James M. Social Problems. 5th Ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ:Prentice-Hall. 2000:75-81

3.American Family Association. A Guide to What One Person Can Do About Pornography.

www.afa.net/pornography/PornGuide.pdf. pg. 41-45.

Pornography and Sex Trafficking: The Rape of Our Children - What Can Be Done?

THE TRAGEDY OF SEX TRAFFICKING

Sex trafficking (sex slavery) has become BIG BUSINESS in our country. "The FBI estimates that more than 100,00 children and young women ages 9-19 are trafficked for sexual profit in the United States. The average age of entry into the sex trade is 11 to 13 years old." 1. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children estimates that 300,000 minors are at risk of being sexually exploited for commercial use. 2.

Recently the San Antonio Express News reported that a 13 year old girl in San Antonio had been "tied up and raped day after day by random men". Brothers who were supplying drugs in their neighborhood allowed men to rape her for 25$ extra. (12/8/10; 12/9/10:2B)

Tanya was a 12 year old girl when she accepted a ride home from an older boy who befriended her. Her life changed forever when he physically beat her to establish his 'ownership' and then prostituted her out to over 100 men per month. 3.

PORNOGRAPHY LIGHTS THE FIRE.

Pornography is fuel that fires the demand for this tragic market.

Without the demand, there would be no sex market and no sex slavery.

Before the 1950's, porn was sold undercover from the trunks of cars. In 1953 Playboy brought it into living rooms. The portrayal of children as sexual objects was promoted by Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler, which regularly depicted children in sexual scenarios. 4.

Pornography now brings in more $$$ than all the sports franchises combined!

NOT PROTECTED SPEECH

In 1957, the U.S. Supreme Court declared that prurient representations (images presenting immoderate or unwholesome sexual interest or desire) are not protected by the First Amendment.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO COMBAT PORNOGRAPHY.

* Write letters of complaint to businesses that distribute or advertise pornography.

* Write letters to the editor of the local paper to express concern.

* Write letters to your U.S. Attorney and State Prosecutor, Senators and Representatives asking them to support legislation to actively prosecute obscenity in the media and to strengthen penalties for human traffickers.

* Ask religious leaders to address pornography as a spiritual problem.

* Support organizations that are speaking to these concerns, including:

- The American Family Association

- Citizens for Community Values

- Concerned Women for America

- Covenant House

- Morality in Media, Inc.

- Shared Hope International

- The Parents Television Council

SPEAK OUT!

Obscenity is defined by community standards which are determined by people who speak out.

+ To protect the well-being of our culture, our children, and our families, concerned people need to take a stand for decency in our cultural depictions of sexuality.

References:

1. Vincent, Lynn. World. April 19/26, 2008. Vol. 23, No. 8. pg.57.

2. International Crisis Aid. www.crisisaid.org. pg. 1

3. James, Teddy. "The New Abolitionists" AFA Journal. October, 2009:14.

4. Parillo, Vincent N. Contemporary Social Problems. Allyn and Bacon, Boston. 1999:105-109.

A Mushrooming Social Problem

Pornography is both a controversial and an emotional issue.

Pornography depicts sexual behavior in a way designed to sexually excite the viewer.

In defining pornography a distinction is made between erotica, (depiction of sexual passion and love) and pornography (depiction of sexual behavior that presents men, women or children in a way that dehumanizes, degrades or exploits them).

Pornography is further classified as either 'soft core' (R-rated) or 'hard core' (X-rated). 1.

IDENTIFYING OBSCENITY

Pornography is labeled 'obscene' when it sinks to exploitation and portrays humans as mere objects. Obscenity is not speech protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution.

In Roth v. U.S. (1957), the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that materials are pornographic or obscene when:

1. "Taken as a whole", the dominant theme "appeals to a prurient (lewd) interest" in sex.

2. The material affronts "contemporary community standards",

3. The material is "utterly without redeeming social values."

In California v. Miller (1973) the Court removed ambiquities of the earlier decision by keeping the dominant "prurient" theme but explaining that community standards referred to the local community. The reference "without redeeming social values" was eliminated.

MANY DEEP CONCERNS

While there is controversy about what constitutes pornography, the fear that pornography corrupts people deeply concerns many Americans.

Almost everyone agrees that pornography should be restricted.

In 1996, a report published in Criminal Justice Statistics noted that:

* Only 3% agreed that pornography should be legal for everyone,

* While 38% agreed that pornography should be illegal for everyone,

* 58% agreed that pornography should be illegal

for persons under eighteen. 2.

PORNOGRAPHY MUSHROOMS

Before the 1950's, pornography was something considered inappropriate and sold undercover from the trunks of cars. In the last 60 years the distribution of pornography has mushroomed.

The publication of Playboy magazine in 1953 brought it out into living rooms and public awareness.

In 1973, Americans spent $10 million on pornography. By 1997, pornography had become an eight billion dollar industry. 3.

CHILD PORNOGRAPHY - A PARTICULAR CONCERN

The portrayal of children as sexual objects was promoted by Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler magazines, which regularly depicted children in sexual scenarios. A content analysis of these magazines between 1953 to 1984 yielded 6,004 depictions of children ages 3 to 11 in erotica/pornography. 4.

The portrayal of sex with children is of particular concern. Legislation in 1982 (New York v. Ferber) and 1990 (Osborne v. Ohio) defined any lewd depiction of a child under the age of 18 years to be illegal. 5.

Federal legislation provides prison terms to people who either produce or possess child pornography.

CONCERNING PORNOGRAPHY

Some people argue that pornography provides a safety valve for the private release of sexual fantasies. They hail it as 'safe sex', safe from pregnancy or disease.

Others are concerned that pornography degrades women and children and desensitizes men to violence against them.

In 1986, the Meese Commission, appointed by President Reagan, found "a causal relationship between exposure to sexually violent materials and an increase in aggressive behavior toward women." 6.

Specific findingsof the Meese Commission include:

1. Of 411 offenders, the average had 336 victims,

2. Rape increases where pornography laws are liberalized,

3. Rapists are much more likely than non-offenders to have been exposed as children to hard-core pornography.

4. States with higher sales of pornography have higher rates of rape. 7.

A DANGEROUS ADDICTION

Pornography is addictive and leaves the viewer wanting more. Addiction can lead to desires that escalate from viewing pictures; to visiting strip clubs; to prostitution and voyeurism; to felony behaviors.

A STAND FOR DECENCY

Our culture is being sexually saturated with an increasing avalanche of pornography. Obscenity is defined by community standards which are determined by people who stand up and speak out. If we are to protect the well-being of our culture, ourselves, our children and our families, it is necessary for all concerned people to become active in taking a stand for decency in our cultural depictions of sexuality.

REFERENCES:

1. Palen, J. John. Social Problems for the Twenty-First Century. McGraw Hill, Boston. 2000:447-450.

2. Henslin, James M. Social Problems. Prentice Hall, Upper Saddle River, NJ. 2000:75-81.

3. Veith, Gene Edward. World magazine. April 7, 2001. Vol. 16, No. 13:17.

4. Parrillo, Vincent N. Contemporary Social Problems. Allyn and Bacon, Boston. 1999:105-109.

5. AFA.net. American Family Association. www.afa.net/FAQ.aspx?id=2147484819.

6. Palen, pg.449.

7. Henslin, pg. 78.

Prude Pride - Restoring Sexual Sanity

"The real corrupters of society may be, not the corrupt, but those who have held back the righteous leaven, the salt that has lost its savor, the innocent who have not even the moral courage to show what they think of the effrontery of impurity." 1.

Sexual temptations are pulling the moral foundation out from under our culture, our children's lives and our families. Young people are being drawn into early and promiscuous sexual relationships.

Our parents and grandparents would have made a public outcry against the sexual portrayals that assault us. Today we are silent and leave it to the 'sexperts' to advise us.

CONSEQUENCES OF OUR SILENCE

* The Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teens has a sexually transmitted disease, often leading to cancer or infertility. 2.

* Since Roe vs. Wade, more than 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S.

- 81% to umarried women; 52% younger than 25 years of age; 19% to teens. 3.

* 40% of births are now out-of-wedlock births. 4.

*Out-of-wedlock births and the increase in divorce leaves many men out of the important role of fatherhood and leaves 40% of children without a father for guidance and support. 5.

*Condoms, with a 14% actual use failure rate, are handed out freely in schools, even at the junior high level. 6.

* Homosexuality, the leading cause of HIV/AIDS, is being taught as a normal lifestyle even in elementary schools and kindergartens. "One in five sexually active gay and bisexual men has the AIDS virus, and nearly half of those don't know they are infected." 7.

SIMPLE AND COMPLEX PLEASURES

We have been blessed with an abundance of simple pleasures for our sensual enjoyment;

* sunshine sparking on water,

* brilliant flowers and sunsets,

* wind blowing through our hair,

* cool water on a hot day.

Sexual relationships are complex pleasures.

Sexual behaviors involve the life of another person in action and experience.

Relating to another person in a sexual way involves the physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional aspects of the person's life.

Sexual relationships are much more than toys for personal hedonistic and temporary pleasures.

Sexual behaviors affect:

*the way people feel about themselves and others,

* the way people relate to the past and the future, and

* the way people relate to family and friends.

Above all, sexual behaviors can produce new life which deserves honor and respect.

CONSENSUAL SEX HAS FAR REACHING TIES.

When family, friends, and community relationships are drawn into the often destructive and painful consequences of sexual behaviors, consensual sex cannot be appropriately limited to decisions between sexual partners.

When casual sex results in sexually transmitted diseases that cause infertility, AIDS, or other debilitating diseases more people are affected than the persons engaging in the sex act.

When adultery results in broken vows and broken marriages, innocent children and spouses are deeply and cruelly hurt.

Sexual relationships require interpersonal responsibility for the participating parties and for the larger community of family and friends in which the persons are embedded.

PRUDE PRIDE - It's time to speak up!

It's time to restore wisdom to our sexual behaviors, using caution, circumspection, reason and good judgment.

It's time to proudly and boldly uphold prudence in our approach to sexual relationships.

It's time to cherish and protect our sexual life and the sexual life of others.

It's time to speak up and restore sexual sanity in our society.

REFERENCES

1. Thom, J.H. 1928. Daily Strength for Daily Needs. New York: Grosset & Dunlop. pg.221.

2. Associated Press. March 11, 2008. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940.

3. Associated Press. Nov. 21, 2006. MSNBC.com.

4. Harris, Gardiner. "40% of babies born to unwed." San Antonio Express News. May 14,

2009:6A.

5. Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless in America. NY: Harper Perennial. 1996.

6. Workshop Summary: Scientific Evidence on Condom Effectiveness for Sexually Transmitted

Diseases. June 12-13, 2000. http://www.3.nlaid.nih.gov/about/organization/dmid/PDF/

condom report.

7. Stobbe, Mike. "HIV rate high in bisexual, gay men". San Antonio Express News. Sept 24,

2010:11A.